The Darkness Within
by PhantomVunachellie
Summary: After Steve finds Tony tearing his lab apart and drinking himself half to death, he is put in charge of taking care of the man who might just be losing his mind. So much has happened in the month since the attack on New York, and when something terrible happens, Tony cracks and loses it. Can Steve save him from himself and bring light and love to the darkness within?
1. Chapter 1

**The Darkness Within **

**Chapter 1: Destruction**

It had been nearly a month since the attack on New York by Loki and his army. Ever since then, ever since they all split up and went their separate ways, none of them had seen each other to much. Yes, of course, they would pop in on each other here and there if they were in the area or if they were called together – which only happened once. But ever since then, they had rarely seen each other let alone really kept in contact. Clint and Natasha were really the only two who saw each other practically every other day. But as opposed to everyone else, getting together was rare. Still was.

Most of the time they would just distract themselves with mindless things or busy themselves with work. Tony was busy with rebuilding Stark Tower and going to meeting after meeting for Stark Industries, Thor was busy on Asgard working his way to become King and keeping Loki in check, Clint and Natasha were busy working for SHIELD on missions, Bruce was off in some third world country helping the less fortunate, and Steve was slightly working with SHIELD and slightly just laying low in Brooklyn. None of them were really seen to often anymore by the public eye. Not unless one of them needed to make a surprise run out to the drug store to pick something up around midnight. Which had happened once or twice, and it was usually an interesting trip for whoever went.

Lately though since none of them had really seen each other in a while and there were no new missions, they were all getting a bit lonely. Which was of course a little lame for them to say, but it was just the truth. Yes, they seemed like they hated one another – some of their relationships were still questionable – but they had built a bond together and after a while, yes, they missed each other.

And one night, a very dark and gloomy night with nonstop thunder and rain, Tony found himself sitting on the tiled floor of his lab with a bottle of vodka in his hand – half emptied – and two empty ones beside him. He was wearing sweat pants, his shirt was off, he was sweating and shaking, and looked paler than a ghost. With shaking hands, he brought the bottle back to his lips and took a long swig of the clear liquid that could be mistaken for water. Some high school kids even filled water bottles with the drink just so they could bring it to school and get a buzz before having to deal with high school drama. Even Tony did that once or twice. Let's just say his constant drinking wasn't a new thing.

Once the bottle was emptied he stared at it longingly and then squeezed his eyes shut before he tossed it at the wall opposite of him and reached for the second one. A frustrated noise escaped him as the hurled the second bottle at the wall and stood up turning away from his mess. As quickly as the drunken stumbling man could move, he walked over to his freezer and pulled out yet another bottle of vodka and went back to sit where he was previously. On his way down to the floor, he kicked the third bottle away and watched it smash against the legs of one of his work benches. Grumbling a few curses he twisted the cap off of the bottle and took a swig of the liquid feeling it burn its way down his tortured throat. Certainly this wasn't healthy.

He lifted his cell phone up from the floor and looked at the screen which was blank. It didn't surprise him – he knew why it was and forever would be. Angrily he slammed the phone down against the floor and began to drink himself practically to death once more.

"Fuck!" He shouted lifting his hand up and realizing a piece of glass had dug into his palm. "Little mother fucker!" Without even cleaning his hands he dug into his palm and yanked the stubborn shard out and tossed it onto the floor watching his hand ooze blood. Deciding to ignore the pain, he took another gulp and then threw the bottle – and the rest of its contents – at the wall. Frustrated with himself, he let out a very agitated scream and tugged at his hair – which was a rumpled mess and hadn't been washed in a couple of days.

He lifted his head – which he had buried into his knees – and looked around at the mess he had created. It didn't surprise him when he didn't care about it at all. "What does it matter?" He slurred turning away from the scattered glass and clear liquid that cluttered his floor. "What does anything matter? Fuck this, fuck it all." A strange noise escaped him – like a chocked sob – and he squeezed his eyes shut. "Maybe this'll kill me!" He shouted burying his face into his knees.

"_Kill you_?" Little did he know that when he slammed his phone down, he accidently dialed someone's number. And little did he know that on the other line was now a very startled Steve Rogers.

OOO

It was early. Certainly too early for any _normal _person to be awake. Then again some people weren't exactly normal, so they stayed up. And when Steve's phone suddenly started ringing around four in the morning he almost knew exactly who it was that was calling. Who else would be up around four in the morning and decide it was a phenomenal time to make a phone call to a friend. Well, a somewhat friend.

A bit agitated that the genius had woken him up during one of the best nightmare free sleeps of his life, he grumbled a few curses as he rolled over to pick up his ringing cell phone. He would have left it ringing if Clint hadn't decided to make his ringtone some obnoxious poppy hip hop song that drove him absolutely crazy every single time it rang. Of course, he didn't know how to change it either. DROIDS were still a little to modern for him to understand.

A scoff escaped him when Tony's caller ID appeared across the screen along with a picture of him. Wow, he was psychic for knowing who it was.

"This better be pretty damn important, Stark. It's four in the morning. What do you want?" He grumbled into the receiver having to clear his throat a couple of times to get rid of the morning voice that clouded his speech.

"Fuck!" He heard Tony shout on the other end. "Little mother fucker!"

"Is that anyway to greet a friend?" Steve growled into the receiver a little put out by Tony's acknowledgement. Suddenly, there was a shattering noise on the other line and it made Steve jump slightly. Suddenly he was wide awake and not to mention a little bit worried.

"What does it matter?" Tony's speech was slurred which worried Steve all that much more. Obviously the genius was drunk.

"It matters because you're being a little offensive right now." He replied.

"What does anything matter? Fuck this, fuck it all." Judging by the distance in Tony's voice, the phone wasn't to his face so he wasn't speaking directly into it. Steve remembered Clint used a term for it once when he did it to Steve. He called it butt dialing. Of course when Clint had done it he was just watching some movie and talking to Natasha, so Steve just laughed listening to their conversation – which was getting a little awkward – and waited until Clint noticed. It wasn't long either since Steve's laughter was pretty loud. But this time, as Tony was shouting, drunk, and saying nothing mattered, he knew something was wrong.

"Maybe this'll kill me!" Steve's eyes shot wide and he gasped,

"_Kill you_?" The soldier shot upright in his bed and threw the covers off listening to a strange sob sounding noise escape the genius. "Tony, please, answer me!" With the phone wedged between his ear and shoulder, Steve pulled on a pair of his khakis over his boxers trying his hardest not to topple over and then end up losing connection with Tony. "Stark, can you hear me?" He riffled through his drawers and pulled out a blue sweater that he quickly put over his head trying not to put the phone to far from his face. Another sob was heard over the receiver and Steve quickly put on his shoes before he grabbed his motorbike keys and hurried out the door.

OOO

The whole house was pitch black – it was only four thirty in the morning! It was surprisingly quiet too. There was no music, no speaking, nothing. It was all silence. And the fact that it was pitch black and silent only worried Steve more after he reached the top floor and entered Tony's house with a hurried pace.

"Tony, where are you?" He shouted running into the house and turning on a few lights. The whole floor was empty as far as he could see. "Stark!" He shouted looking around and spinning in a few circles as if the genius would suddenly magically appear. He knew he wouldn't, but there was no use in not hoping. "Answer me!" He yelled stopping his frantic movements and looking around the empty and somewhat eerie house.

As if responding to him, there was another loud crash that reverberated through the house. It was coming from downstairs and Steve knew all to well that it was Tony's lab. "Tony!" Quickly, he ran over to the staircase that led to the genius's lab and headed down the shot flight of stairs hearing another crash.

"God damn it!" Tony shouted as Steve got down the stairs just in time to see him standing in a mess of glass and metal and he was balancing his weight on one foot and staring down at the other that had a large shard of glass sticking out of it. "Twice, really? I hate this!" He ripped the shard of glass out and watched as more blood than necessary spewed out of the open wound.

"Tony, stop!" Steve shouted tugging on the door trying to open it. It was locked. "Open the door!" The soldier shouted banging on the glass. "Tony, open the door, now!" There was no response. Tony – who hadn't noticed Steve's presence – just spun in the other direction and grabbed something off the counter and tossed it at the wall. It shattered and flew in a million different directions.

"Just perfect!" Tony hissed kicking aside a piece of metal that flew off of the object. "Just fantastic! Can this get _any better_?" Another agitated scream escaped him and took Steve by surprise a bit. Unsure of what was going on, he thought quickly.

Without thinking a second thought, he ran upstairs and looked around for something hard and durable. _Anything _would do at this point. His eyes scanned the room and landed on nothing but expensive furniture and technology that he was sure Tony would throw a fit about if he broke it. Grumbling, he hurried towards another much smaller door and opened it. It was a closet. Amidst all the jackets and coats were a few worthless little possessions that Steve figured were long forgotten. Thankfully, as he riffled through the coats, his hand grabbed something metallic and firm. He pulled it out and examined what he grabbed – a baseball bat that was nothing shy of perfect.

Quickly – after he heard yet another crash and then more swearing – he headed down the stairs and looked into the glass to see Tony holding one of his Iron Man helmets, glaring at it, and was prepared to toss it.

"Tony, don't!" Steve shouted and without another thought he brought the metal baseball bat down on the window and watched as the glass shattered into the lab scaring the living hell out of Tony who just dropped the helmet to the floor in shock. Once the glass was all on the floor, Steve stepped through the now open passage and crossed his way over to Tony who was out of breath and looked like he had been hysterically sobbing.

"You broke my lab!" He shouted at the soldier who just grabbed his forearms and held them down. "You broke my fucking lab you asshole!"

"Tony, stop! Calm down!" Steve shouted trying to get the now thrashing Tony to relax.

"No! You broke my lab! Get the fuck out! Why are you even here?" He shouted shoving the soldier backward. "Go home! I don't want you here, now go!"

"What is going on?" Steve shouted over another loud scream that escaped the distraught man. "You're destroying your own lab! Look at what you've done! Why are you doing this?" The genius looked around the room realizing how much he broke. After he threw the vodka glasses he just started throwing everything that could possibly break. Picture frames, weapons, anything glass, and even parts of his suit now lay in ruins on the floor of his lab.

"It's none of your concern, you wouldn't care, now get out!" He finally shouted as Steve grabbed his forearms again. "I hate you, get out! I hate you!" He pounded his fists down on Steve's chest and tried to push him away, but this time Steve wasn't budging. "Let me go you piece of shit!"

"No!" He shouted right back. "I won't!"

"Let me go! I hate you!" Suddenly his fast movements froze as his eyes darted around his lab once more and he observed what destruction he had caused. "I…" His eyes landed on his bloody hands and feet. "I…" And finally, they landed back on Steve who was still firmly holding him in place. Worry was written all over his face and he was breathing hard. "I hate everything!" And with that, Tony flung his arms around Steve's waist and buried his face into the soldier's chest. Despite the fact he was wearing a sweater, Tony's tears instantly soaked through and made his chest damp with tears. "And I hate myself!"

_**Hello there! I hope you enjoyed the first chapter to this story and the confusing semi-cliffhanger ending I left it on. I will try to get chapters updated as quickly as I can, but I'm super busy with school and work lately so I need to focus on that as well! **_

_**Anyway, please REVIEW! I would love to hear your thoughts so far! I love you all, and enjoy the story! **_

_**Happy Reading!**_


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2: Elaborate **

"I've told you probably four times, sir. I don't know _what _happened and he won't tell me." Steve stood down in Tony's lab in front of a large screen with his arms crossed over his still damp sweater. He had a more than tired and agitated look on his face.

"Where is he now?" Nick Fury stood projected on the screen looking just as tired and just as agitated as the soldier. Only he always looked agitated, the tired was just sprinkles on the ice cream for him. Except he was less sweet. He was pinching the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger, his eyes were shut, and Steve figured he was just woken up. It wouldn't come as a surprise.

"Upstairs in bed. He passed out after he threw up most of the alcohol he consumed. As far as I know he's still out of it and _hopefully _will stay that way since I'm probably just as tired as you, sir." The soldier shrugged and ran a hand through his hair. A loud yawn escaped him as he looked down at his watch. Six in the morning – just perfect.

"Okay, here's the deal because I want to go back to bed and I'm way to damn tired to deal with this shit." Steve rolled his eyes. This kind of thing was hardly considered _shit_, but let Fury call it what he will. Fury looked up and opened his eyes, "When he wakes up, you figure out what the hell was going on in his head and why he did what he did. But until he is better, I want you to stay with him, got it? Make sure he's okay; we don't need him losing it again and someone not being there. We don't know what that could lead to." Steve nodded knowing exactly what Fury was getting at. "And once he tells you what's wrong, you report back to me."

"Roger that." Steve said uncrossing his arms and yawning again. "Anything else?"

"Yeah, go check on him." Steve nodded not exactly planning on doing that if he didn't hear any movement or unrest coming from the room. He was too tired. "I'm getting way to damn old to deal with this bullshit anymore. I swear, it's one thing after another."

"You sound like a cranky old man."

"Look who's talking?" Fury raised his eyebrow and then shook his head. A slight smile crossed Steve's face at the comment. "Whatever, I'm going back to bed. You deal with Stark and figure out what shit is going on in his head, I'll have someone go to your apartment, get some of your clothes and send them over. Goodnight." The connection ended and Steve looked around the still cluttered lab deciding he'd leave the mess till tomorrow when he wasn't so tired. For now, he'd go upstairs, and then go to bed. That sounded phenomenal right about now.

He turned off the lights in the lab and then headed upstairs to go probably get as well of a rest as he could on the couch. Of course Tony's couch was probably the most comfortable couch in America, but it still wouldn't be all to thrilling to sleep on one.

The soldier stretched for a moment as he lowered himself down onto the couch and let out another loud yawn. His eyes scanned the darkened room that was already lighting up because of the rising sun. And he thought he was going to sleep well tonight. But Tony's call around four pretty much shot that horse in the face. At least the genius was okay though, who knows what he would have done if Steve wouldn't have gotten there when he did. That was what he cared about most – Tony was safe.

He lay down and shut his eyes. His arms rested under his head for support and he mussed over what happened not even two hours ago. After Tony practically sobbed his heart out into Steve's chest, he scurried to the nearest trash can and the throwing up began. It stopped long enough for Steve to get him upstairs and into his room – he had to unceremoniously carry the genius up the stairs since he refused to move from where he sat on the tiled floor. He kept shouting at Steve to leave him alone, let him just throw up down there until he died. Of course being the ever so humble captain he was, he didn't allow that and just hoisted Tony up before he headed up the stairs. Of course that resulted in Tony shouting more at Steve who was just trying to help him and that resulted in Steve shouting back and telling the man to shut up. It was probably something he didn't need to hear, but being as tired as he was and as fed up as he was, Steve wasn't holding back. No sooner did he get him in his room did the throwing up start all over again.

Steve just sat on the edge of the bathtub rubbing circles in Tony's back while he threw up everything but his memories and intestines. He'd only get about two minutes in between to just cry in frustration and kick something or another with his good foot. Steve busied himself with cleaning the wounds on Tony's his hands and feet during the time period where he wasn't vomiting. It took him probably the whole time they sat in the bathroom to do the process of cleaning and bandaging.

Finally, around five thirty in the morning, Tony finally turned his head towards the soldier who had moved back to the side of the bathtub and resumed rubbing soothing circles on Tony's back. A faint smile crossed Steve's lips and he kneeled down next to Tony wrapping his arm all the way around the genius's shoulders.

"You good now?" He asked softly. Tony shook his head and flushed the toilet for probably the billionth time that night. He looked downward as the toilet refilled itself with clean water and a few more tears escaped his eyes. But before he could even open his mouth again, he fell down limp against Steve's body. "Oh you have got to be kidding me…" The soldier whined slapping his forehead knowing it wouldn't rouse the passed out man. Angrily, he yet again hoisted Tony back up and brought him out into the bedroom. He set him down in the bed gently though, covered him with the sheets and finally went outside to go call Fury.

Just as Steve was falling into sleep, a loud frustrated scream made him jump and nearly hit the ceiling. In shock, he sat upward and looked down the hallway where Tony's door was slightly cracked. That's where the scream had come from.

"It's like dealing with a child!" Steve grumbled standing up. He decided that he wasn't going to get any more sleep tonight. The thought only pissed him off more as he stood up and made his way down the hallway towards Tony's bedroom. Once more, he heard a chocked noise coming from within the room and he hoped to God that he wasn't in the bathroom vomiting again. Watching someone throw up _that much _for _that long_ was a little unsettling. Of course the vomiting wasn't all caused from the alcohol; it was caused by something else – the reason behind the drinking and his outburst.

"Tony, are you okay?" Steve cracked open the door to see the genius sitting on top of the covers hugging his knees to his chest. His head was down on top of them and Steve could have sworn in the dim light that he was rocking back and forth. But since the light was so dim, he couldn't be entirely sure. "Oh, god…" Steve walked into the room and turned on one of the bedside lamps to get a better look at Tony. No, he wasn't rocking back and forth, he was shaking.

Steve, unsure of what to do, sat down beside the genius and put an arm around him. What else was he supposed to do? Leave him to his sorrows? They may not be the _best _of friends, but he certainly could show him _some_ sympathy.

"Where's Pepper?" He managed to choke out.

"I don't know. She wasn't here when I got here. If she was here I'm sure she would have taken care of you when you…well…you know, lost it." Another chocked sob escaped Tony and he looked downward at his red bed sheets. _Bad choice of words, Rogers…_ "What, what now?" Steve asked startled and tightened his arms hold around Tony's shoulders giving him a slight shake.

"I knew it! I should have known, I should have known!"

"Should have known what?" The genius's head shot up and he covered his mouth. "Oh, no…" Steve muttered right as Tony shot up and ran into the bathroom again. Not even two seconds after he shut the door did Steve hear the gagging noise that made him want to vomit himself if he could. Unsure of what else he should do, he stood up and walked towards the bathroom grumbling incoherently under his breath. He opened the door and walked inside to see Tony retching over the toilet bowl. The soldier shook his head pitying Tony a bit and sat down on the edge of the tub again. "Hang in there, buddy." He said rubbing small circles on his back again. "Hang in there…"

OOO

It didn't stop until eight in the morning. For two hours Steve sat on the bathroom floor while Tony vomited and incoherently spoke for one of the hours, and continued to lose his mind for the other hour. Finally – and a bit thankfully – he passed out again. This time Steve was a little too grateful to carry him back to the bed where he hoped to leave him for another few hours. Maybe then he could at least rest his eyes or something.

He headed out towards the living room again and longing stared at the couch which was suddenly looking far too comfortable for its own good. A couple of uninterrupted hours of sleep sounded so nice right now, but there was a nagging in the back of his head that told him that wouldn't be happening. If he went to bed, he probably would fall into such a deep sleep that he'd miss something traumatic and he'd wake up to see Tony dead by his feet. The thought made him cringe and he decided he'd stay up. One night lost wasn't the end of the world, but it sure made him cranky. All he knew was that Tony better have a damn good explanation for all of this.

Slowly, he lowered himself down onto the couch and grabbed the remote. Since he was unfrozen he had learned how to use the complicated remotes of the 21st century, and it took a lot of teaching. He flicked on the television and was content with watching some movie called _The Patriot._ Maybe it would even put him to sleep since he was hardly even watching, just staring at the screen with a glassy look in his eyes.

Knowing sleep was off limits though, he forced himself to stay away and focus in on either the movie or his thoughts. Both were interesting enough, but his thought usually led him back to last nights occurrences and only made him wonder what happened even more. What was going on in Tony's head to make him act like that and vomit _that much_? Everyone had seen Tony drunk before – most of the time it was hysterical – but this was different. This was a different more messed up side of Tony that probably no one had ever seen before, and it worried Steve.

"Steve?" His thought process was cut off and he turned around to see Tony standing behind the couch. He was paler than normal and he looked like a mess. Normally when he looked like a mess, it was in a good way, but this time, it wasn't. He looked absolutely horrible and the only appropriate way to put it was that he looked like shit.

"Awake already?" Steve said a bit disappointed that he couldn't even get an hour to himself. But when he saw the look on Tony's face, he figured he'd be humble as always and not bitch about it. At least not to Tony himself.

"You can go home if you want…" He said slowly walking around to the front of the couch and sitting down. "I'm a grown man; I can take care of myself."

"Well, Fury gave me orders to stay with you for the time being, and quite frankly I don't trust you alone after what happened this morning. Also, I don't really think you _can _take care of yourself." Tony shifted uncomfortably which was kind of normal for him. He got a little twitchy when he was nervous or put on the spot.

"I don't need a babysitter."

"I'm not here to babysit you, Stark. I'm here to make sure you don't do something to get yourself killed. Something tells me that if I didn't show up in time you might have done just that." Tony was silent knowing it was all to true. He would have either drunk himself to death or probably blown something up including himself. Who knows what he would have done to himself. It was self harm, it didn't matter what he did as long as it harmed him in some way. Which as of right now didn't sound like such a bad idea.

"You're only here because Fury ordered you to be here. You couldn't give a damn about me if you tried." Steve angrily turned to face him,

"That's a lie. If I didn't give a damn about you I wouldn't be here right now, now would I? I would have hung up when you accidently called me in the middle of your little episode." That was news to him. He never knew he called Steve, he just figured that he showed up. Apparently he had been wrong.

"That's what you're going to refer to it as? An episode?"

"What do you want me to call it?" Tony angrily turned away and shook his head. "You broke down crying at every little thing that I said. At first you're saying you hate me, and then you're clinging to me like a spider monkey telling me that you hate everything including yourself. Then you go off saying that you want to die. What is that all about?" Once again, Tony just shook his head. "And when you ask me about Pepper, you lose it. What, did she break up with you and you decide it's the end of the world?"

"Shut up!" Tony growled.

"So that's what happened? The almighty Tony Stark got his heart broken for the first time in his life and therefore it's the apocalypse."

"You have no idea what you're talking about, shut your mouth!"

"Why? Because you're embarrassed now that you're like every other normal person on this planet?" Tony stood up and turned his back on Steve. "And now what, you're going to cry again?"

"Fuck you!" He shouted and Steve heard the fresh tears of anger on his voice.

"I know what it's like to get my heart broken, Stark. But I would never do what you were doing."

"You're jumping to conclusions, shut your fucking mouth!" Deciding he'd give the genius some time to explain himself, he did as he was told and angrily crossed his arms ready to listen.

"Then why don't you elaborate for me?" Tony shook his head and continued to keep his back towards Steve refusing to turn around. "Instead you're going to stand there like the stubborn man you are and refuse to speak and let me know why you're doing this." Tony whirred around and glared at the soldier who seemed to be standing his ground quite well.

"You think you know everything, don't you? Almighty Captain America knows all when really you couldn't understand anything from this century if you tried! Which might I add is quite pathetic on your part? Maybe the _almighty_ title is a little to much for you now. You don't even understand love. Have you _been _in love, Rogers?" When Steve didn't answer, he figured it was a good sign to keep speaking. "That's right, you had a little infatuation. One person looks at you and speaks to you and it's love, eh?"

"You're pathetic."

"Am I? But if your…_fling_ could be considered love, then I guess you and I have this in common Rogers since the only person who _ever_ meant _anything_ to me was torn away from be before I could even think twice!" It was a statement Steve wasn't expecting. His eyes shot wide as he stared down at the much shorter man before him who had angry tears streaming down his cheeks again. "That's right, Pepper and everyone else I loved or who was close to me is _gone_ now. Most are _dead_! How's that for heartbreak, Captain?"

_**I do hope you all enjoyed this update and all the angst in it. It was a little more difficult for me to write since I'm not usually such a sadistic or angry writer, but I must say it was refreshing! **_

_**Of course, as you could have guessed, this story is going to get very dramatic, full of angst and, well, I'll let the rest be a little surprise. Because I know how you all just adore cliff hangers. So I truly hope you enjoy where this story is going so far and I hope you stick with it! **_

_**Pretty please REVIEW and let me know your thoughts! I would really appreciate it! **_

_**I am so grateful for the love this story has received so far – it over joys me! I love you all so much, enjoy. **_

_**Happy Reading! **_


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3: Solitude**

He didn't talk about it anymore after that. After he explained to Steve what had really happened. Even the slight mention of what happened and he would be heading towards the liquor cabinet to break into the whisky once more. And when it hit the news, it got worse. Steve found Tony passed out on the couch with a empty bottle of whisky or vodka in his hands and the news would be playing softly on the television as if some sort of background noise.

She was killed. Shot in cold blood right after a press conference for Stark Industries. Right in front of the eyes of hundreds of bystanders, the press, and friends. The worst of it was that she was shot right in front of Tony's eyes. He was there, and she died in his arms shaking and bleeding profusely out of her chest. The man who shot her had amazing aim and got her right through the heart.

No one knew who he was or where he came from. No one even knew his name except for the police. But right after he shot her…he shot himself in the left temple. For him it must have been lucky since everyone there probably would have attacked him – especially Tony. But no one knew why he killed himself. Guilt, pleasure, or maybe it was a job given to him. It didn't matter though, he did what he wanted and he got away with it. She was dead.

Until the police arrived and took the bodies away, everyone watched as Tony sobbed over Pepper's dying body. After the man shot her she was only alive for four more minutes. And for those four minutes, she clung to Tony while he clung to her. The amount of pain she was going through was excruciating. The look in her eyes told him well enough.

He felt her shaking accelerate as she complained of how cold it was – how cold she was getting. He tried to stop the bleeding using his shirt, tie, jacket, _anything. _But it wouldn't stop. He'd seen death before, witnessed terrible, terrible things, but nothing compared to this. Never once had he seen so much blood in his life. And for once, he felt completely helpless and useless as he sat on the concrete sidewalk begging for everyone to call 911 and get help.

"Save her, please!" He shouted when the paramedics arrived at the scene. They checked her pulse and turned to each other sadly and then to Tony with pity on their faces. Once they told him there was nothing they could do, it took four police men to hold him back. He watched with tears in his eyes, shouting for them to save her as they put her lifeless corpse into a body bag and loaded it into the ambulance to go for autopsy. The cop that sat next to him had to hold him back when they shut the doors.

"She's gone, sir." He said and watched Tony crumbled and fell to his knees letting out a loud scream of inner pain. Some people still stood by covering their mouths in shock as tears fell down their faces in sorrow and pity. Who knew he had a side like that? Who knew he could hit such a low point, and in public?

When Steve found Tony passed out on the couch that night with yet another whisky bottle in his hands and the television humming in the background, he stopped to watch. It was more news on the event. And this time there were cell phone videos of what happened. _What sick minded human being would film something like this? And why would they put it on the news?_ Steve thought as he watched Tony holding Pepper while she died slowly in his arms.

"You'll be okay, just look at me, please!" He shouted cupping her face and trying to get her to meet his eyes. "Don't die, Pep. Don't die!" She faintly smiled and reached up to touch his face with one of her shaking blood covered hands.

"I'm sorry." She said, but Steve had to read the subtitles that the news station had dubbed the low quality video with. In sorrow, he watched as her hand limply fell to her side and her head rolled over. At that moment, he knew she was dead. And Tony screaming _no_ over and over was an obvious sign as well.

Steve looked down at Tony who was still passed out and pity washed over him. He felt terrible for what he had said to the man the other night, and he felt even worse for being less understanding towards him. He of all people should semi know what Tony was going through.

After he shut off the television, he hoisted Tony up into his arms and carried him away towards his bedroom knowing it might possibly be another long night. But tonight, if it was, he wouldn't complain. Knowing what he knew now, he had no right to bitch and moan. If anyone had that right it was Tony, he knew that. He'd allow it for once and yet again, not complain.

OOO

"So how is he doing? Any better?" Bruce was video chatting Steve and his video feeds were sent to the television as Steve sat comfortably on the couch, aka his bed. His voice was clogged with worry and he looked just as worried as he sounded.

"He's…doing." Steve shrugged knowing Tony wasn't any better. At least he hadn't had a break down like the one he had when Steve found him. The soldier was grateful for that. "He's sleeping – well he passed out – and I have no idea when he'll be up next." It seemed like whenever some video called and asked about Tony, the genius was asleep.

"Lucky you got there when you did, Steve." Bruce wagged his head in disbelief of all that had happened. "Poor Tony…" Steve nodded in agreement.

"I'm sure he'll be glad to hear you called." After all, Bruce and Tony had grown closer over time. They were basically best friends, but they hardly saw each other unless they were called in for a mission from SHIELD. Other than that, the most they did was video chat, and it was usually always about science.

"How are you doing? You look overly exhausted."

"I'll be alright, don't worry about me." He brushed the question aside figuring he was least important right now in this situation. "What's the worst a little sleep deprivation will do? I slept for 70 years; I think I'll be okay." Bruce chuckled lightly at the comment. At least it brought light to the conversation.

"Do you need me to come over there and help you out with Tony? I know he can be…a handful for a lack of better terms."

"No, I got this one. But thanks for the offer. If I need your help I'll call, but I think I have him taken care of. So far he hasn't been so bad."

"How can you say that?" Bruce asked a bit shocked. "He almost killed himself!"

"Not on purpose I'm sure." He didn't exactly believe the words himself, but it was best to stay optimistic. "But after that break down, nothing to drastic has happened." The look on Bruce's face told him that he didn't believe a word of that.

"Then explain why there are three empty whisky bottles on the coffee table? Steve, you can't let him just drink the pain away. You have to do something to make him stop that."

"I've tried, but that man has more alcohol in this house than a brewery." Bruce sighed,

"You need to find it all and get rid of it then. Try, because you know it isn't healthy and it's probably one of the worst ways to numb pain. It's going to do him more harm than it will do him good, you realize that."

"I know, I know. But if he finds out – which he will – who is he going to come after? Me."

"Just tell him I told you to and I can deal with his cranky ass later." Steve laughed at how nonchalant Bruce said that.

"Thanks for the offer, but I'll deal with whatever consequences come my way. He deserves some time to get out anger and I'm not going to complain. The man has enough to deal with already."

"That he does…I just can't wrap my head around it all. I can't believe someone just killed her! But it also baffles me that Tony would try to kill himself and end it all. And you said he trashed his lab? That's another hard one to believe." Steve nodded. "Thank God you're there, Steve. Honestly, without you there, who knows where he would be right now."

"I know." The thought of Tony dead pained Steve. Despite their differences, he couldn't bear the thought of Tony being dead. That thought made him realize how much pain Tony must be in over Pepper. And damn, it didn't feel good.

"You're going to help him, right?"

"I don't follow."

"I mean, you're going to try to get him back to his normal self again?" Steve pondered the question a moment.

"It's not that easy to get over something like this. And it doesn't help that he loved her, so in my opinion, he won't ever be completely the same again. Sure he's been to hell and back – we all have – but this is different. This hits home. And if you ask me, this is more than likely one of the worst things he's ever been through." They were both silent for a moment. It was true, and they both knew it. They both understood.

"Just help him."

"I will, you have my word." And he meant it. He wanted to help Tony in any way possible, and he didn't exactly know why. He couldn't put his finger on it, but right now, it was his top priority to get him back to normal. As normal as he could get him at least.

OOO

The house was pitch black and silent. He hated the quiet lately. More than before actually. Quiet always brought bad things along with it, and he hated that. It also meant no one was around; no one was with him or busying themselves. It was just quiet, dark and alone, and he hated it. And as of late, he couldn't stand sleeping alone in that big bed of his. It was to empty, to cold, and to quiet.

Solitude…that's all he knew now. He was alone in the world with no one to care about him, and he was back to square one. How he was when he was younger. His father never loved him, the amount of friends he had was minimal, and the one person he truly loved was dead.

So far, his track record sucked.

He sat upright in bed and looked out the window that covered most of his wall that showed the busy city below. It might be four in the morning, but New York City really lived up to its title: The City that Never Sleeps. It was the perfect place for him too, because it didn't matter what state of mind he was in or not, he never really slept. Not well at least. No wonder coffee was like a mandatory medication to him.

A strange sound distracted him from his thoughts and he turned his head to where his door was. It was open in a crack and there was a small amount of light pouring into the room and sending a sliver of light into the room right onto the empty spot on his bed. A strange noise escaped him and he looked away from the emptiness. He hated that.

He couldn't sit in the bed anymore. He had to get up and move, do something, go somewhere. Just be anywhere else that wasn't the dark and empty room he occupied right now. He might be in it, but he needed more than that. He needed somebody.

Standing up, he headed out his door as he heard the strange noise once more. His feet touched the cold floor of his living room and he looked at his surroundings letting his eyes land on the couch.

"Steve." That's right, he wasn't alone. Once he was fully awake, he remembered that Steve was here with him. How could he forget? Of course he was ordered to stay here, but he was here nonetheless. Tony wasn't alone. Not now at least. And that made him feel better. There was someone with him.

He made his way over to the couch and looked down at Steve who was fast asleep and lightly snoring – that would explain the strange noise Tony heard. He couldn't help but chuckle lightly at that. But of course, that didn't last long, and he just continued to stare down at Steve with a sad expression written all over his face. Of course it was company, but naturally he had a different kind of company in mind.

Not wanting to go back to his room where he would sit alone, he sat down beside the couch and didn't take his eyes off Steve for a moment. Despite the fact the soldier was under orders, Tony was thankful for Steve's company. Especially right now when he needed it. He wasn't one to enjoy solitude to much unless he was in his lab. He liked attention, but right now this certainly wasn't a cry for attention, it was a cry for somebody else to be there.

He rested his head on the cushion of the couch and shut his eyes listening to the even breathing of Steve. It was certainly better than being alone. His eyes squeezed shut and he clenched the blanket that was covering Steve in his hands.

"Stark?" The movement had woken up Steve and he was confused by Tony's proximity and sudden presence. "What are you doing here?" His voice was clouded with sleep and raspy, and it was somewhat comforting to Tony. Probably because it was hushed like he was talking to a small animal that would be easily frightened.

"I woke up." He shrugged not wanting to sound pathetic by saying he didn't want to be alone. Much to his displeasure though, Steve understood. He was good with that type of thing. It was as if he could read minds, but of course that wasn't true.

Not wanting to be a jerk again, he decided to think before he said something rude or hurtful like he had been doing lately, and nodded.

"I get it." He said softly. He sat up and left some space for Tony to join him on the couch. "Here, take a seat." The spot beside Steve looked very tempting to the genius, and he gratefully accepted the offer. Tony got up and sat down on the couch right beside Steve feeling glad to be with someone else. "Now you're not going to vomit, are you?" There was a tiny hint of a smirk on Steve's face when he said that and Tony didn't miss the joking tone behind the soldiers voice. He chuckled halfheartedly,

"No, I'm fine."

"Good." Both men sat in awkward silence for a moment and looked around the house trying to come up with conversation. "I can put in a movie if you want." Tony liked the idea and nodded figuring it would be a good idea and might help him get back to sleep.

"Put in anything you want. Except for a happy movie. I'm not in the mood for that." Steve chuckled and grabbed the first movie he could find that didn't look peppy, and he put it in. The titles began to roll across the screen to form the main menu. "_Lord of the Rings…_nice choice." He was satisfied with the soldier's pick.

"Try and get some sleep if you can." Steve suggested as he sat down beside the genius pressing play on the remote.

"Just do me a favor, would you?"

"What's that?" Tony hesitated,

"If I fall asleep, don't leave me alone." Their eyes met again and Steve nodded in understanding when he saw the pain and sorrow behind Tony's.

"I won't." The response made Tony let out a silent sigh of relief. He nuzzled into the couch a bit to try and relax as the movie played in front of them. It was nice to not be alone tonight. It was nice to have someone around who cared. Or at least he hoped Steve cared and wasn't just following orders. Even if he was, he'd pretend he cared. It was better that way.

It was better to have someone there.

**So sorry for the late update! This chapter was kind of hard to write for some reason, and I've been super duper busy lately. But here you go, I hope you enjoyed this update and I promise I will have the next one up faster than this. And maybe I'll start adding some fluff into it, but who knows. Drama is obviously one of my favorites, so it might be a dramatic chapter. **

**I love you all so much for the love this story has received. I realize it isn't the best probably, but I'm having fun writing it and I hope you're having fun reading it! Please REVIEW and let me know your thoughts so far! **

**Happy Reading! **


	4. Chapter 4

_**A/N: Disclaimer: Near the end there will be references to suicide, so forewarning to you all if it's a sensitive topic for any of you. It's obviously a topic highly addressed, I realize that. Please forgive me again if it is sensitive for any of you. **_

**Chapter 4: **

When he woke up, he was back in his bed. And for once, it was actually late morning – ten fifty to be exact. That was probably the latest he'd slept in since his youth. It felt nice to be able to sleep late and actually wake up with no hangover for once. That was probably the best part of it. At least he thought that until he rolled over to get up. His eyes landed on Steve who was sleeping in one of the plush chairs Tony had in his room. This one was right across from the bed and had a lamp beside it. The lamp was on and Steve had a book open in his lap and his sketch pad sat well used beside him on the floor.

Somewhere halfway through the movie he had fallen asleep and he figured Steve brought him here. It somewhat surprised him, though, that the soldier actually listened to him and didn't leave him alone. It warmed his broken and cold heart a bit to see that Steve did that for him. Especially since they weren't exactly the closest of friends. They were hardly friends at all!

"Jarvis, start some coffee." The genius said as he got out of bed.

"Right away, sir." They were both quiet enough, but it roused Steve oddly enough. Steve awoke with a start and in took a sharp breath before he sat upright.

"Morning." Tony greeted him as Steve set down the book and continued on to rub his eyes.

"Morning…" He responded in a sleepy voice as he stood up and cracked his back. Feeling nice, he asked, "Do you want me to make you some coffee?"

"Jarvis is already on it." Thankful for that, Steve flopped back down on the chair and yawned. "You actually stayed with me last night."

"That I did. And this chair isn't exactly the most comfortable of sleeping arrangements." He complained rubbing his eyes.

"Hey, watch it, that chair cost me ten thousand dollars, it better be high quality." Steve lifted his head and turned to look at him.

"There's the old Tony." He said smiling softly. For some reason, it made Tony feel embarrassed – which was very unusual – so he looked away.

"It's true, that shit better be like sleeping on a cloud!"

"Well it's not. Sorry Stark, you got ripped off." They both laughed a bit and Steve stood up announcing he was going to go make breakfast for them. That was probably the greatest thing Tony heard all morning because he knew that Steve was an amazing cook. It looks like it was going to be a delicious morning despite his still eminent sorrow.

Tony headed towards the bathroom to go take a shower – this time Steve wouldn't have to force him into the shower like he had to do a few days back. He figured Tony was getting gross and quite frankly, he reeked of alcohol and vomit. It was about high time he got in that damn shower and hosed down. This time he just felt like relaxing in the hot water and trying to relax for once, but he knew that was a long shot. Relaxation wasn't exactly his top achievement as of late. Alcohol consumption probably was at the top of the list, and truth being told, he was kind of ashamed to admit that for once. He hoped a good shower would clear his mind.

Even the bathroom made him feel even worse than he already did, though. Of course it did, he was alone. It's not like he hadn't taken showers alone – of course he had – but when he was with Pepper, it was no shocker that they took showers together practically all the time. And if anyone was shocked by that then they were obviously out of the relationships loop. So naturally, he was saddened by the space he now occupied. And this time he wasn't drunk, so the emotions really hit him this time. But it's not like he'd ask Steve to come in there while he showered so he wouldn't be alone, and it's not like he'd have a right fine chat with Jarvis while he was scrubbing down his body. Not only would those two scenarios make him feel uncomfortable, but they were creepy. The one involving Steve a little more so than Jarvis since he was actually a person and Jarvis was an AI.

He decided to suck it up and climb in to take as quick of a shower as he could. Being alone was getting worse and worse.

OOO

Steve stood in the kitchen eyeing Tony's liquor cabinet with a serious demeanor about him. His brows were furrowed and he blinked a few times as he went over how many bottles there were and how much money they all probably cost. Tony wasn't one to buy cheep liquor. Except for maybe when he was out at the bar and drunk off his ass, then maybe he'd buy a cheep beer just for that extra buzz. But he just didn't seem like a Bud Lite type of guy. He was to top forty for that. The guy was normally seen with a nice glass of scotch in his hands that probably cost more than a brand new car.

Slowly, he reached forward and opened up the cabinet with ease. His hand grabbed the first bottle of wine tightly and he brought it out. French wine, of course. Only the best for the rich and famous Tony Stark.

Quickly, he popped the cork out of the bottle over the sink and began to pour the red liquid down the drain wondering how marvelous the wine would taste on his lips. It'd be like drinking gold. But he refrained knowing it was futile anyway, and grabbed another bottle letting it go the same was as the other – down the drain.

He watched as bottle after bottle was emptied and poured down the drain in a glugging noise as it left the glass container it inhabited. The white wines and red ones would mix together as they flowed away and then he would add the orange colored scotch and watch it wash away.

The frown never left his face though. He knew Tony would be upset, he knew he would probably want to practically kill him, but he didn't care. Though he never stopped frowning knowing this wouldn't end well at first. It was obviously for the best, and he'd keep a few bottles for Tony for when he drank for leisure or threw a party, but the incessant and compulsive pain numbing drinking had to stop.

Slowly, he began to empty out the last bottle of scotch from the cabinet and watched the orange colored liquid pour down the drain. It calmed him a bit to know that he wouldn't have to find Tony in that state for a while. That was the light of it.

He discarded the empty glass bottles and finally sat down at the counter to read the paper. Plastered all throughout the pages was the news of Pepper's death. It was the front page! But at least the paper was conservative and just put a headshot of her on the cover. Not some disturbing picture of her shot on the sidewalk lying in Tony's arms. Instead, her smiling face looked up at him as he held the paper firmly in his hands. The New York Times wasn't usually one to publicize grotesque images. That's what the internet was for.

Before he could even flip the page, the paper was snatched out of his hands and Steve turned around to see Tony standing there wearing sweatpants and an unzipped jacket. He had a piece of toast in his mouth and he headed over to the coffee machine to pour himself some coffee that Jarvis had brewed.

"You're the best, J." He said taking a sip of it. He tossed the paper down on the counter and it slid back over to where Steve was sitting with an eyebrow raised. Obviously Tony didn't want to read more about her death – who could blame him? "What happened to my liquor cabinet? Did you have a fucking rave or something while I showered?" Tony asked leaning against the counter and examining the empty cabinet.

"Very funny. No, I got rid of it all."

"You did what?" Tony turned towards Steve while taking another sip of coffee.

"I got rid of it. You're turning into a raging alcoholic. Well, as if you weren't one already."

"And you're turning into an asshole. And I was never a raging alcoholic; I was a compulsive leisurely drinker." He defended himself opening the cabinets and sighing.

"That's the same thing." Steve chuckled wondering if Tony was just slightly exaggerating the _genius _title.

"They are two completely different things." Tony pursed his lips and turned towards Steve. "And my alcoholic tendencies are none of your concern anyway."

"Yes they are. I'm in charge of you." Steve said giving Tony a very knowing look.

"Shut the fuck up, I'm a very responsible drinker." A loud – and quite snarky – laugh escaped Steve as Tony made the comment. "Okay, well I am most of the time." Steve laughed again and put a hand over his mouth trying to stop. "And forget what I said earlier about you _turning_ into an asshole, you've achieved full asshole highs. Congratulations."

"What's my prize?" He'd given up on trying not to laugh and was in full hysterics.

"My shoe up your ass." Steve sniggered and shook his head. He looked up at Tony who was still sipping his coffee, but with an angry look across his face. At least he didn't explode like a nuclear bomb when he found out what Steve did. Or maybe he was just too tired and upset to care. There were certainly other reasons as to why, but Steve disregarded those.

"You're sounding more like yourself today, I'm proud." Tony looked down at his black coffee and spun the liquid around a bit.

"I may sound like myself, but I sure as hell don't feel like it." He remarked before he took another sip. "And now you took away my happiness, thank you very little."

"It'll be good for you." Steve hopped up from the chair and headed over to the fridge to see if Tony had anything he could use to make them some breakfast. He'd disregarded food when he got started on his liquor ridding task. "You don't want to get alcohol poisoning and die, do you?" He began to riffle through the fridge. Tony looked away and set his coffee mug down on the table. His eyes landed on the news paper with Pepper's picture on the front page. He sighed,

"Maybe I do…" Thankfully, Steve didn't hear that and Tony just shut his eyes and leaned against the counter for support. "You can eat alone if you want. I'm not hungry anymore. I'm going down to the lab." Steve turned his head to look over his shoulder at the retreating genius. The lab had been cleaned up by Tony's many robots over the past few days, so it was of course safe for him to go down there.

"Do you want me to come down with you?" He knew that Tony didn't want to be left alone. The genius stopped in his tracks, but kept his eyes on the ground below him. A silent tear fell down his cheek,

"No, I'm fine." He hurried down the stairs leaving Steve perplexed behind him. Although he considered following him, he decided he could use some time alone to think since he hardly had time for that these past few days. Instead he decided to just stay upstairs and read the paper for a bit. Now he lost his apatite.

OOO

The lab looked like new. It was his first time down there since Steve found him tearing it apart. Everything that he broke was thrown out – except for the broken pieces of his Iron Man suit. Those lay on the workbench waiting to be fixed.

Tony sat down and lifted up a few pieces of broken metal that were parts of the suit, and spun them around in his hands. They felt colder than normal. Less inviting than they used to be. Normally he would jump on the opportunity to fix his suit or do anything down in the lab, but today was different. Nothing felt right down there. Not even the Iron Man suit he loved so dearly. It wasn't giving him the same warmth it used to.

Slowly, he rose to his feet and walked over to his desk. He looked down at the awards that sat on the desk and a few pictures. Normally he wasn't one to be sentimental, but the only pictures on there were important to him, so they stayed. They were older too – from his youth – so they were keepers.

Everything felt wrong though. Nothing in the lab felt normal or welcoming to him anymore. Either something down there was wrong…or he was. There was something that wasn't fitting anymore, and it felt like him. The Iron Man and he were one! Now he could barely even look at the suit for some off reason, and he didn't even know why.

Confusion, depression, and slight anger washed over him as he made his way over to a cabinet across the room. It was clear and his eyes landed on a prescription bottle that sat right in the middle. A while back he had trouble sleeping and was prescribed sleeping pills – as if he took them. The bottle was still full of the small pills and he couldn't take his eyes off them suddenly. It was a wonder how he even remembered they were there or that he even had them in the first place.

With a shaky hand, he opened the cabinet and pulled the orange bottle out of it. The label clearly read: _take one tablet at bedtime. _He bit his bottom lip and opened the bottle to peer at the pills inside. For some reason he wondered just how much there really were in there. He poured a handful into his palm and looked down at them with sad eyes. There were about twelve of the small pills in his hand. He took a deep breath as a tear rolled down his cheek.

Gritting his teeth, he continued to peer at the pills in his palm. There was a nagging feeling inside him telling him to throw the pills away, but he kept feeling compelled to just pop them all into his mouth and end it. All of his past events plus the death of the person he loved was too much. Everything was becoming too much to handle, and sooner or later it would kill him if he didn't do something about it.

But there was still that nagging feeling inside of him telling him to stop what he was doing. To just throw the pills away and be done with it. Yet no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't put them down. He just sat there clinging to the orange pill bottle and staring at the white pills in his hand.

"Tony?" The sound of Steve's voice made him jump. A few of the white pills fell out of his hand and rolled onto the floor. Steve's eyes landed on them and then at the pill bottle in Tony's hand. "Sleeping pills?" Quickly, he snatched the bottle away and confirmed that they were.

"Why are you down here?" Tony growled. Except what he said came out weak since he was on the verge of another break down.

"Well when I didn't hear you working or blasting music I got concerned. Plus Jarvis suggested I check on you…" Steve rushed to get out. "Tony, why are you about to take sleeping pills?" This statement came out quieter and slower than his last. It was like he was talking to a small animal.

"It's…" _None of your concern._ Why couldn't he just say that? Instead he just stood there with a handful of pills and a tear rolling down his cheek. "I was…considering…other ways too…like…" With his free hand, he rose it up and let it land over his arc reactor. In the light of it, Steve could clearly see his hand was shaking violently. "But…this just seemed easier…" A choked sob escaped him and he purposely looked away. The last thing he wanted to do was meet Steve's eyes.

"Other ways? Easier?" Steve asked somewhat in shock. "Easier for what?" Of course he already had a hunch as to what Tony was talking about, but he just didn't want to take a guess…or say it out loud.

"What do you think?" He answered with a shaky voice. His bottom lip trembled, "Everything is wrong. Nothing feels right anymore. I have such a fucked up past – such a fucked up history – that putting this on top of it doesn't help. It's too much. She was always here. Whenever I needed her, there she was even when I least expected it. Now I'm alone. I'm more alone than I've ever been in my entire life, and it fucking sucks. I have no one anymore, and putting that on top of everything else…I can't do it anymore. I don't want to be alone anymore!" The pills fell from his hand and clattered lightly onto the floor spreading in every which way. There was a beat of silence between them as Tony tried to hold back a choking sob that would lead to yet another break down he didn't want.

"Alone?" Steve breathed staring down at Tony who refused to meet his eyes. Normally, he was never really one to be overly sentimental. Especially not with someone he hardly considered a friend. But it was about time he did. "You're not alone." At the sound of that, Tony snapped his head up and finally met Steve's eyes. "How can you say that you are alone when I'm standing right here?" A strange noise escaped Tony's closed lips as they quivered again.

"But you don't even like me, do you? You think I'm selfish, conceded…what have you." Steve shook his head. He regretted every rude thing he'd ever said to the genius or even thought about him.

"I don't think that." Tony tried to wipe away the tears that began to roll down his cheeks once more. Helplessly though, he let his arms fall back down and one stayed hovering over the arc reactor and feeling every crevice. "You're not alone." Steve took a few steps forward and lowered Tony's hand from the arc reactor fearing he had something else in mind due to what he indicated earlier.

"I have no one."

"You have me." Steve said putting a hand on Tony's shoulder and feeling just how much he was shaking. "Trust me; it's going to get better from here. You're a great man, Tony. You've done so much to better this world. You've saved peoples lives and saved the world from it being taken over. There are so many things you've accomplished and will still accomplish in the future. You can't do this to yourself. You have to much more to live for in life. You've already been through so much in your life and persevered through it all, and I'd be lying if I said I didn't admire that. You've made it through everything else, and it's been hard. This is hard too, but you can make it through this just like you did in the past. It's going to be a struggle, yes, but you can do it. You're strong enough, that I know. When the nuke was coming towards the city, you nearly sacrificed yourself to save everyone else. You're one of the strongest, bravest, and most admirable men I have ever had the privilege to know. It'll get better with time, trust me. Everyone has a low point, but you don't have to suffer through it alone. And you may think that you're alone, but you're not. You have me now, and I'm not going anywhere from now on. Not until you say so. If you need someone to lean on, lean on me. You aren't alone." Tony let his eyes land on Steve's hand resting on his shoulder. Another sob escaped him and he took another step forward flinging his arms around Steve who was much taller. It wasn't till now that he noticed that.

"You might want to get rid of those damned pills as well, then. The alcohol wasn't the only thing that might have killed me." He said through sobs. "Thank you, Steve." He said feeling pathetic and like a helpless child as he buried his face in Steve's chest.

"You have nothing to thank me for." Steve said rubbing his hands up and down Tony's back trying to sooth him.

They stood like that for a while as Tony let it all out. All the pain, suffering, regret, torture, depression, anger, confusion, and self hatred. It was a lot for one man to feel, and it certainly was overwhelming, but it was nice to know he had Steve there for him. Despite their rough start, here he was. Right when Tony was least expecting it…just like Pepper….

For a while he just kept his head lowered and buried in Steve's chest. In an odd way, the soldier's heartbeat was somewhat relaxing to him. And it calmed him down quickly.

_**Sorry yet again for the late update, I had writers block for a bit and then I was busy with school and studying. I know I said this would be up faster than the last one, but obviously that didn't happen…sorry! **_

_**Please REVIEW and let me know what you all think of the story so far, I'd love to hear your opinions and thoughts! It would over joy me! **_

_**I love you all so very much! Thank you for sticking with this story so far! I love you all! I'm having a ball writing it and I hope you're all enjoying reading it! **_

_**Happy Reading! **_


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5: Smile**

It had been only two days since Steve found Tony trying to take his own life down in the lab. Since then, he never left Tony's side unless one of them took a bathroom break. But Steve did worry when Tony was in the shower and the door was locked. There were plenty of things he could do in that time, but he didn't even want to think it. He'd just sit in the living room and wait until Tony came back out to join him. It was quite the relief when he did.

They both needed time away from the tower. It was starting to make them both feel claustrophobic being cooped up in the tower all day long with nothing to do besides watch television or read. It was starting to become a little to much to handle. Getting out seemed like the best idea and it was a good way to get away from the at home drama that just seemed to keep building up. Maybe getting out would ease it a bit. Obviously they couldn't go anywhere to grand, but just getting out was enough. And there was plenty to do in a city such as New York City! One could never get bored there, that was for sure.

When Tony brought it up, it didn't sound like such a good idea for him to be out on the town. New York also had a lot of paparazzi and reporters that were itching to know about Pepper's death. As if Tony knew any more about it than anyone else. But the reporters would certainly love to hear his voice on it. It made Steve feel sick to know that someone got their kicks out of things like that. He'd never really enjoyed the press.

But finally, Steve decided it wouldn't hurt for both of them to get some fresh air. It was a nice fall evening in the city, so it seemed like a good idea to get out of the oppressive tower that they'd occupied together for about a week now. It seemed like a nice enough idea to maybe just get out and go for a walk. Even if it was late at night and they were both a bit tired.

OOO

The moon hung high up in the clouds that began to form overhead. The air was crisper than normal since the night had fully taken over and the temperature had dropped down to forty degrees. But despite the cold temperature and the dark atmosphere, the place where Tony took them was still outside. Central Park to be exact. Part of the reason why he chose there was because he knew Steve would enjoy it, but also because no one went out to Central Park this late at night, so no one would pester either of them.

All of the leaves were falling off of the trees, and the water was way to cold to even want to go near. Soon it would be iced over and there would be ice skaters cluttering Central Park. So soon it wouldn't be so quiet and empty as it was now. That was on thing Tony enjoyed about it, it was quiet. Emptiness he could live without though, so it was a good thing he had Steve to keep him company.

"You wanted to get out, so you came to the middle of Central Park to stay away from home. And at ten at night nonetheless." Steve said coming up beside Tony who was standing on a bridge looking down at the moons reflection in the water.

"Why not? It's quiet, peaceful, no press to piss me off. You like this kind of crap too, right? Like nature and shit." Steve chuckled and shook his head,

"Yes, Tony. I like…nature and shit." He laughed a bit and then looked up at Tony who had a quizzical look on his face.

"I've decided swearing doesn't sound right on you." He said shaking his head. "But it's a good thing you like it here, because I haven't the slightest idea where else to go at this hour that doesn't involve partying or drinking. And since you won't let me drink – asshole – there isn't much else we can do."

"It's nice here." Steve said leaning against the railing next to Tony. "I would say it trumps partying easily."

"You would." Tony stood up straight and began to make his way down the bridge slowly. "But yes, it is nice here. It's quiet."

"That's different for New York City."

"It's nice to not hear the sirens and horns honking every five seconds. Damn people need to stop breaking the law and just leave their houses earlier to get to their destinations. Don't they know people get sick of hearing that shit at four in the morning when they're trying to sleep?" Steve headed down after Tony,

"You don't sleep as it is."

"Wrong, I've been sleeping for the past few days like a responsible mother fucker."

"For the most part, yes." Tony paused at the bottom of the bridge and sat down by the water on the grass. "Ever since you stopped drinking and started sleeping you've been having nightmares." Steve lowered himself down next to him and leaned back. "You wake up a lot at night and don't fall back asleep for hours." Tony turned his head slightly so he was facing Steve.

"You hear that?"

"Every night. But you usually don't say much once you're awake, so I assume you don't need help or anything. That's usually when I go back to bed." Tony shook his head and continued to gaze at the water.

"You're right, I don't need help or anything…" He said in a hushed tone. Steve frowned at the tone in his voice.

"Do you want to talk about them?"

"Now you sound like a psychiatrist. Which means I must be crazy."

"You're not crazy." Steve said gently. "I'm just here to listen if you want to talk." Tony was quiet a long moment and considered. He didn't want to sound like a baby whining about his nightmares, but he knew it might help if he talked to Steve about them. But there were certain nightmares – and dreams – he'd want to just keep to himself. Most of which involved Steve, and he had no idea why. Maybe it was because Steve was the only living human being he'd seen in a week. They might also be because he was lonely.

"I'm sure you can guess what they're about. Most are just re-runs of her death, others are more gruesome. The other night I had one where they mutilated her body and I couldn't do anything about it. I just sat there frozen watching as they…well, let's just say I'm sure they were all butchers…But it's always better to wake up." He shrugged turning his head back to face Steve.

"You make it sound like it's no big deal." Steve said. "You woke up screaming once. I'd say that's a bit of a big deal."

"It isn't. I've had nightmares before. You wake up, you get over it, you go back to sleep." Even as he said that, both of them knew he was trying to convince himself that's all they were. But they both knew well enough how terrifying they really were. But Steve would digress for now.

"If that's what you want to believe, so be it." Tony averted his eyes and hung his head a bit thinking over all of his past dreams. Most confused him – usually the ones involving Steve. It wasn't every day a guy had a dream about making love with another guy he just started considering a friend. But even as he sat thinking about it, it didn't bother him all that much. It didn't make him feel odd or disturbed in anyway. Maybe if Steve knew about it they would, but since it was his mind, it didn't bother him.

Normally he wasn't one to keep his mouth shut, but this was one of those rare times he did. He just lost the one he loved, but yet here he was fantasizing about one of his teammates. And he somewhat longed for those fantasies to be reality. And even that thought didn't bother him.

"I'm tired…" He finally said leaning his head down on Steve's masculine shoulder which was surprisingly comfortable. "This doesn't bother you, does it? Even if it does I don't really care. You're shoulder is comfortable." He looked up at Steve who was staring down at him.

"No, it doesn't bother me." Steve responded looking back over the water. "But if you're tired, how about we go home?" The way Steve said _home_ made Tony feel a bit warm inside. It sounded right coming out of him, but at the same time he knew he wouldn't be saying it in a few weeks. In a few weeks, Steve would be gone and he wouldn't see him till the next mission. For some reason, that was a very sad thought for him.

"I don't want to go home yet." Tony shook his head feeling his hair get ruffled from his placement on Steve's shoulder. He looked up at Steve and sighed, "She would want me to be happy, right?" The statement came out a bit hushed, but it got Steve's attention. He looked down at Tony as best as he could and met his eyes.

"Of course she would. She'd want you to be as happy as ever. And she certainly wouldn't want you trying to kill yourself." He said softly. Tony shifted uncomfortably, but nodded.

"Would she want me to move on?"

"Eventually, yes. I'm sure she wouldn't have liked it if you wallowed in self misery for the rest of your life and kept blaming yourself for her death when it clearly wasn't your fault." Tony kept his eyes locked on Steve's,

"When do you think I'll be ready?" Steve furrowed his brows,

"When you find someone you want to be with and you're no longer heartbroken. How about then?" It was an obvious answer, Tony knew that. "And maybe when you can smile for real again." The statement hit Tony a bit as he looked up at Steve. His blue eyes reflecting the water and making it look like they were moving. They might have been the second most beautiful pair of eyes Tony had ever seen, although he couldn't admit it.

"Who said I can't smile?"

"You haven't genuinely smiled this whole night." Steve chuckled.

"I'm wildly unhappy, let me wallow."

"I have been." He looked back up at Steve who looked slightly saddened by his pervious statement.

"Let's just go home." He finally said lifting his head up from Steve's shoulder and getting to his feet. He shook his head slowly as he began to make his way out of the park with Steve behind him. Neither of them spoke.

OOO

Steve went in the shower as soon as they got home. Tony couldn't help but think it was because he wanted to get away from him for a moment, but he couldn't figure out why. But he knew he was hard to put up with, so it wouldn't shock him if Steve was just taking a breather. Although he did hate the alone feeling that surrounded him as he sat in the bedroom just thinking about the loneliness and about Steve.

It bothered him that he couldn't get the soldier off his mind lately, but it made him somewhat happy. It only bothered him that Steve was practically all he had thought about today. Aside from Pepper, he was the second thing on his mind all day long. _When you find someone you want to be with and you're no longer heartbroken. How about then? _He took a deep breath as the words rang through his mind. Yes, Pepper would want him to be happy, but it had only been a week since her death. It wasn't fair to her. It wasn't fair that he was already thinking about someone else – and that someone else was Steve nonetheless – in ways that he used to think about her.

It was so stupid that he was even arguing with himself about this! He was Tony Fucking Stark! If he wanted something, he usually just took it, point blank. He never sat in self pity and confusion wondering whether or not he should do something involving romance. Especially when it involved another man! Usually that scenario would just be disregarded immediately, but he couldn't shake it. And he certainly couldn't bring himself to tell Steve yet.

Breaking his train of thought, the bathroom door opened and Steve sauntered out wearing a pair of cotton pajama pants and a white t-shirt. His hair was still damp and Tony couldn't tear his eyes away fast enough. Steve met his and cocked his head to the side,

"You're still awake?" He asked heading over to the chair he'd been sleeping in for the past few days. The look of sheer disappointment crossed his face as he sat down. The chair was so damn uncomfortable!

"Of course. I never sleep."

"I know, but it is almost one in the morning. Try and get some sleep." Steve shut off the light and situated himself in the chair comfortably enough. Well, as comfortable as he could get. Tony eyed him for a moment and furrowed his brows biting the inside of his lip.

"That chair doesn't look to comfortable." He said.

"It isn't." Tony shook his head after a moment of silence. Fuck it, why not offer?

"Then you can share the bed with me if you want. It's huge and you're obviously not going anywhere since you no longer trust me alone and I _refuse_ to be alone. And if the chair is as uncomfortable as you say it is, then why not? I'll be nice and share like a good boy." Steve sat up and eyed Tony oddly for a moment.

"You don't mind?"

"What did I just say?" Not wanting the opportunity to evade him, Steve quickly stood up and walked over to the empty side of the bed. Tony scooted over a bit – as if he had to – and Steve lifted the covers so he could lower himself into the bed. He lay down on the pillows and there was a very long awkward silence between them as they sat there together on opposite sides of the bed.

Tony turned his head slightly to glance at Steve beside him. The soldier was stiffly lying down with his hands on top of the covers and his eyes locked on the ceiling. Slowly, he felt a chuckle build up and he tried to stifle it. Steve heard and turned his head to face Tony just as the genius burst out into hysterics. Confused, Steve just sat back and watched as Tony tried – and failed – to stop laughing.

"You're fucking hysterical, Steve!" He said through laughter.

"How am I hysterical?" Tony continued to burst with laughter and rolled onto his back.

"Because, you're so uncomfortable in this situation! You should have seen your position." He sat there like Steve was a few moments ago to show him what he looked like before he burst into laughter again. And in a few moments, Steve was bursting up into laughter too. "It's like you never had sleepovers as a kid and this is the most awkward situation you've ever been in."

"Whenever I spent the night at a friend's house, I was on the floor in a sleeping bag like a normal human being."

"Normal? Oh you've got to be shitting me. You're telling me you've never shared a bed with someone before?" Tony continued to laugh and rolled over on his side so he could face Steve who was laughing along with him.

"Do my parents count?" They both burst into even more hysterics and Tony fell back onto his back.

"You're a deprived man, aren't you?"

"Obviously. And the first time I share a bed with someone it's with a man." Steve tried to stop laughing and sat up leaning against the backboard of the bed.

"You've never slept with anyone?"

"Like you said, I'm a deprived man." Tony stared at him wide eyed with small chuckles still escaping his lips.

"I would have been dead long ago if I were still a virgin."

"How many people have you slept with?"

"Fuck, I can't remember that."

"Let's say over one hundred."

"Now you're overstepping the boundary line. Even I'm not that bad. Let's say the limit is fewer than fifty so far." Steve shook his head lowering it into his hand trying to cease laughter.

"That's not any better!"

"Who gives a shit?"

"Well you are a playboy."

"And I've been cursed with good looks." Steve snorted,

"You're so full of it, you know?"

"Rogers, you're not too bad yourself. Do you know how many people would kill to spend the night with you?" Steve's eyes went wide as if it were news to him and even in the dark Tony could clearly see him blushing. "You've got it going on, Steve, face it." The statement made Steve hit his head against the backboard with laughter and Tony snorted as he turned to the side.

"Well thank you, that means so much coming from you."

"It should. I don't compliment people to often."

"I bet you only usually compliment yourself, don't you?"

"How did you know?" He said with sarcasm flooding his voice. Their laughter died down and they continued to just sit there staring at each other with smiles on their faces.

"You're smiling…" Steve said feeling a kind of warmth in him at that sight. Tony nodded,

"Yes, as a human I do tend to do that."

"I know, I'm just saying. You haven't for a while is all. It's nice to see." The smile on his face grew wider and he lay down.

"Thank you, Steve…"

"For what?" He asked cocking his head to the side.

"For everything. Staying here with me, finding me both times when I needed it. I really appreciate it." Steve smiled and laid down as well still facing Tony.

"You're welcome." He said softly. "But really, you have nothing to thank me for." Tony shook his head,

"I have everything to thank you for. It's because of you that I'm still alive, Steve." They sat in silence for a moment and gazed at each other. Steve smiled and nodded. "So…thank you." With furrowed eyebrows, e rolled over and shut his eyes. Thanking people and apologizing was still difficult for him to do, so Steve understood. "Goodnight." Steve smiled,

"Goodnight, Tony." Silence fell over them as they slowly began to fall into a deep sleep. Well, at least Steve was. Tony on the other hand lay wide awake thinking about their conversation and just the fact that Steve was in his bed right next to him. Right in the spot where Pepper used to sleep. It excited him to know that. Probably a little too much, but he couldn't help it. It was wrong, yes, since she just passed, but it was futile to deny the fact that he was attracted to the soldier. It was no surprise. He was bisexual, but Steve probably didn't know that.

When he heard Steve lightly snoring, he knew he was fast asleep by that point. Slowly, he rolled over to face the sleeping soldier. In his sleep, he looked very peaceful and at ease. When he was awake, he normally had a tougher exterior about him, but in his sleep, this must be what he used to be like. In the forties. It made Tony wonder what he was like back then and he wanted to know. He wondered what Steve looked like before the transformation. He knew he was scrawny and sickly, but he never saw a picture. And he somewhat craved to know how he looked.

Without a second though, he scooted over towards Steve and nuzzled up next to him. It would be a surprise to most that he liked to cuddle. Unless someone had been with him in that situation, no one really knew. _Lean on me…_Tony remembered his words with a gentle smile and content sigh. He had him there for him that was a comforting thought. Not only was he here for him to help save him, but he was here helping him move on and feel better. She'd want him happy.

Steve took in a breath of air and rolled over so he was facing Tony. His eyes remained shut so he was still sleeping, but his arm came down around Tony's waist and pulled him closer to him. _I'm sure she wouldn't have liked it if you wallowed in self misery for the rest of your life and kept blaming yourself for her death when it clearly wasn't your fault._ Tony gently smiled at the words Steve had said earlier as he looked up at him. He took Steve's free hand in his deciding there was nothing to lose and shut his eyes. He felt Steve's hand tighten around his and a content sigh escaped him as he leaned his forehead down to his. His hair was still damp, but it was comforting in a way. He shut his eyes,

"Goodnight, Steve…" Damn, this would be fun to explain in the morning.

_**Quick update! I am proud of myself! I decided to take a break from drama and depression and start to add fluff since I'm sure plenty of you want that as well. But there is obviously more drama to come, so be prepared for that!**_

_**I hope you enjoyed that! I've been sick the past few days and I stayed home from school today so I had time to finish this up and post it. So enjoy! **_

_**Please REVIEW and let me know what you think of this so far! I'd love to hear your opinion! **_

_**Thank you for all the love this story has received! You are all the best and I love you dearly! Thank you all so very much! **_

_**Happy Reading! **_


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6: Regrets?**

The room was quiet as they both lay soundless in their sleep still clinging to each other. The only noise in the room was both of their light breathing and one of them would occasionally snore, but it was usually very quiet. Once or twice the sheets would ruffle as they shifted their position, but never once did they let go of each other. All through the night so far they hadn't once let go of each other. They just kept one of their arms wrapped tightly around one another as their hands were clasped together not daring to loose.

They hadn't gone to bed until one in the morning that night, and now it was nearing six. The sun would soon be rising and would eventually rouse their sleep, but for now they could enjoy the moment as they both lay asleep dreaming. And there was even a gentle smile on Tony's lips. It was certainly a good sign since it meant for now he was without nightmares. Steve would probably be grateful for that since it wouldn't wake him up before he needed to be woken up.

Time ticked by, and the sun slowly began to rise over the horizon and New York City began to buzz with early birds and business men and women on their way to work. Collage students ran down the streets with their breakfast hanging out of their mouth as they tried to catch the next bus or a taxi so they could get to school. Commuters were just arriving on the morning train and most were holding cups of coffee in their hands and had a scowl on their faces. The kind of scowl that indicated how much they longed for the weekend already. And the honking horns in morning traffic picked up just as the sun was now raised. New York City certainly was a place to adapt to if you liked to sleep.

Steve was the first to wake up as the sun shone through the windows right on them. He squeezed his eyes shut before he slowly opened them and was greeted by the sight of Tony still soundly asleep beside him. He cocked his head to the side and furrowed his brows wondering how they ended up like that. And when he tried to bring his hand up, it was held back by Tony's who was still holding his tightly. When he realized that, he let out a small sigh and moved his other hand – which was just resting around Tony – and brought it up and pushed some of Tony's hair away from his eyes. In his sleep, he looked calm. There was even a very faint smile on his lips. But he still looked slightly focused. Like he was solving a difficult problem or was building something down in the lab. Steve certainly knew that look well enough. But when Tony was sleeping, and it was more relaxed, it made him smile.

As he sat there staring at the genius before him with the sun shining in on them, he couldn't help but pity the man before him. He'd been through so much in his life. Ever since he was a young boy he had been to hell and back, but never once did he complain or ever really bitch about it. Sure, he cried here and there and threw fits, but other than what Tony had told him, Steve didn't have the slightest conception of all that he'd been through. He didn't know what happened in Afghanistan, he didn't have the slightest clue what Tony's childhood was like or what it was like when he was growing up. Nor did he really understand anything else about the man or what was going on in his head. And he wanted to know so badly. If he just knew, then maybe he could finally level with him. But at the same time, he couldn't help but be shocked at how strong Tony was. As far as Steve knew, the only time he had come close to giving up was three days ago when he found him considering suicide.

"You deserve to be happy…" Steve whispered resting his hand on Tony's cheek. He didn't even care how they ended up the way they did together. In a way, he was elated that they did. It didn't bother him as much as it probably should have. And if Tony initiated it, then it wouldn't bother him either. Why should it? If it made Tony happy, then why should it bother him? And even if he was sleeping and it was probably because of some dream he was having about Pepper, the smile on Tony's face made him glad to see. It was nice to see him look happy even if it was just for a fragment of a moment. Even if it was about something that would make him sad when he woke up. At least for right now he could be happy and he could smile, which Steve loved to see.

But it didn't last for long. Suddenly, the smile disappeared and Tony shifted uncomfortably in his sleep. He gritted his teeth and squeezed his eyes shut tighter than they already were. It sounded as if he was now shivering and Steve watched worried and confused as Tony gasped when his eyes shot open and he only gasped louder when he saw Steve watching him.

"Steve?" He breathed feeling his heart beating at an accelerated pace.

"Are you okay?" Steve asked worried about what might have just gone on in Tony's head.

"Did I wake you up?"

"No, I just woke up a minute ago." Which was a total lie, but it wasn't like Steve was about to say that he had just been staring at him for the past ten minutes or so. "Did you have a nightmare?" He asked trying to lower his hand – which was still resting on Tony's cheek – slowly enough so he wouldn't feel it.

"It's not a big deal." Tony disregarded it as his heart rate slowed down.

"That's a lie." Steve said as Tony sat up, but his hand still remained in Steve's for an unknown reason. "You looked mortified when you woke up. That's kind of a big deal. Do you want to tell me about it?" He asked sitting up and trying to meet Tony's eyes. "Was it about Pepper again?" Tony turned to face him with a slightly saddened expression across his face.

"No, not this time." Steve furrowed his brows in confusion.

"Then what was it about?" He asked hoping Tony would break down some invisible wall between them that he knew was up. It wasn't like Tony to usually pour out emotions to _anyone_. It was a bit of a shock that he had opened up this much to Steve already. But he let down Steve once again by just shaking his head and turning away saying,

"Nothing, don't worry about it." Very nonchalantly. Steve observed him warily. Not even a moment ago he looked so peaceful and sound in his sleep, then something snapped and here they sat. There was something going on in his head that he wasn't telling him.

"You know, you can take your time telling me what's bothering you about these dreams. But the longer you hold it in, the more it's going to fester and get worse. I'm not going to force it out of you – it's not like you'd tell me anyway – so take your time." Steve shook his head and stood up. "Why don't you take a shower to clear your head? I'll go step outside for a bit." He made his way out the door not even glancing over his shoulder at Tony a second time. It might have been a good thing he didn't. Tony sat on the bed staring after him with very sad eyes – like a kicked animal expression – and his mouth was hanging open as if he were about to say something. But he never got the chance. Instead, he just sat on his side of the bed with his mind running a million miles and hour with thousands of thoughts spinning around in a pool of mixed emotions.

Slowly, he stood up and walked over towards the window with his hand over the arc reactor as he gently tapped it with his fingertips. The dream kept replaying in his head, and so did Steve's words about him telling him about the dreams – the nightmares. He wanted to tell him. If it was about Pepper it would have been easy – Steve already knew practically everything about that – but this was different. It wasn't about her. And that made him happy and sad at the same time. It was a good thing he didn't have to witness her death again – real or not – but he felt like he was betraying her in a way. _Then who was it about? _Steve's words rang through his head once more and he shut his eyes.

"It was about you…" He said silently as he shook his head back and forth in a bit of shame. "It was about you, Steve…" Scenes of the nightmare flashed through his mind. What started off happy and filled with an impossible romance ended with pools of blood, ripped clothes and the brutal massacre that he witnessed in his own mind. It wasn't even relevant. He'd never witnessed anything like it before. All he knew was that one moment they were out at dinner…and the next moment Steve was lying on the floor in a pool of his own blood with twelve bullets through his chest and two through his head. But it made no sense. Would that kill him? A super soldier? Surely he wasn't immortal, but he wasn't easy to kill either. Even so, it terrified Tony. As much as he hated to admit it, Steve was the closest person he had in his life. The only person he had. And the thought of him dying…that killed him.

At the revelation of that, Tony lifted his head up from his hands not even knowing when he did that and looked at his glared reflection in the glass of the window. He didn't even know why it bothered him so much that Steve was the only person he had. Maybe it was because before all of this happened, Pepper was that for him. The only person he had. And more than anything, that bothered him. It bothered him that the person he loved _died _and here he was swooning over his teammate like a lovesick teenager. It bothered him that he couldn't do anything to save Pepper when she was shot. Instead he just sat there helplessly crying out for someone to call 911. Some hero was. As much as he denied it and as much as everyone else told him any different, he felt as if it was his fault. There _must _have been something else he could have done to help her. Yet all he did was sit by and watch her die. Why? Because he only fights for himself. He couldn't even save the person he loved. Not once.

And now, instead of mourning her, here he was getting cuddly with Steve Rogers, hardly even staying true to the fact that he truly loved Pepper. And now he was fighting with himself whether it was right or wrong to be doing such. Because not only was he getting far to close to Steve, but he was now having erotic dreams about the man or his nightmares would involve him. A while ago when he was sleeping with a new girl every night, the feeling of cheating wouldn't have bothered him, but it felt like he was cheating on Pepper even though she was dead. And it didn't feel good. Yes, he still loved her, but now there was Steve…And his uncertain feelings for the man were not helping with his current mental war he was at with himself.

"_Fuck!_" He shouted at the top of his lungs and turned around on his heel heading for the bathroom. He slammed the door shut causing the sound to reverberate off the walls and throughout the house. Surely Steve had heard that and was now jumping to his feet to see what the problem was.

The door locked after it was shut, and he turned towards the mirror which covered an entire wall. It showed his full reflection as he stood staring at himself with a dark and twisted expression on his face. "_It's all my fucking fault!_" He shouted slamming his fists down on the glass with all his might. It shattered beneath the force and some of the glass dug into his flesh as his crimson blood dripped onto the floor. "_I should have died! It should have been me! I already got my second chance!_ _I've had millions of them!_" He brought his fists back down multiple times on the shattered glass making the shards dig deeper into his hands as fragments of the mirror fell to the floor. "_It should have been me!_" A loud, heartbroken and frustrated scream escaped him as all the glass on the mirror was cracked, and shards of it either lay on the floor or were burrowed in Tony's hands. His screaming lasted for no more than ten seconds before he lifted his head up and stared at his contorted image in the mirror. "It should have been me…" Upset with himself and all that had happened, he lowered his head and watched the blood from his hands drip onto the floor where he stood.

Moment's later from behind him, the lock on the door clicked open allowing the door to open and Steve slowly walked in behind him. He approached him warily for he was unsure of what he would do next, and he didn't need anymore blood on the floor than there already was. They stood there as Tony breathed heavily and tried to compose himself. Finally, he said,

"If there was…anything in this world you could take back…what would it be?" He still kept his head down and focused on the nonstop dripping blood. "Anything at all." Steve paused in his advance and frowned. A while ago, he might have said something from his past. He might have chosen something big, something catastrophic that happened to him. A tragedy he witnessed or went through. There were plenty of things he wished he could take back. There were plenty of regrets that still haunted him to this day, but yet he still said very confidently,

"Nothing."

"Nothing? Out of your entire fucking life, there is not a single damn thing you would take back?" Tony asked still focusing on the blood. Steve took a few more steps forward and lifted one of Tony's injured hands in his.

"Nothing." He slowly pulled a larger piece of glass out – which made Tony wince – and tossed it onto the counter.

"Why?" Steve reached into the cabinet under the sink and pulled out a pair of tweezers from a first aid kit so it would be easier to get the glass out of Tony's hand. Not to mention more sanitary.

"Because if I didn't make any of the mistakes I did, I wouldn't be where I am today. I wouldn't know what I know today and be able to tolerate some of the things I see and do. Sure some of the mistakes I made I could live without and some of the things that happened were terrible, but I wouldn't change them. Without mistakes, you'd never learn or grow from the past. You'd never grow any stronger." He pulled out another piece of glass and put it on the counter with the others that were piling up. "Of course there are things I wish I could redo and people I would love to see who are no longer around, but what would become of the future if I changed any of that? Where would I be today? Where would _you _be today?" All the glass was out of his hands and Steve began to wrap up Tony's hands with gauze. "Life is terrible at times, but you have to be strong enough to make it through the rough times. If life came with a do-over button every time we messed up or something bad happened, then we'd live in a perfect world and we, the hero's, wouldn't be needed. _No one_ would be needed and we'd all be living in harmony alone and by ourselves. You need mistakes and tragedies have to happen and exist, because if they didn't, where would we be? I probably wouldn't even be here." Steve released Tony's now bandaged up hands and tilted his head up towards his so their eyes would meet. "And you might not be either. And if you were, how would you have ended up? Everyone makes terrible mistakes and goes through tragedies, but without them, you'd never grow any stronger or learn any valuable lessons. And if people didn't keep making all those mistakes and _we_ weren't needed, then I would be long dead and none of us would have ever met. None of us would be the people we are today. And you know what? I'm glad we got to meet each other. I'm happy I know you, Tony. And it'd be terrible if you decided to make it so we didn't know each other anymore. So that we were never friends or as close as we are today" A faint smile crossed his lips, "Everything happens for a reason. Only time holds the answer or the resolution." tilted his head to the side, "Right?" Tony took in all of what Steve had just said and slowly began to nod.

"Right…" He whispered. Steve smiled and began to lower his hand from its place holding Tony's chin. Before it was at his side, Tony reached out and grabbed it – which hurt his hand a bit, but he didn't care. He met Steve's eyes again and sighed. "You're the only person I have, Steve…The only person who dropped everything…and stayed with me. And no matter how _pathetic _and irritable I get, you're still here putting up with my shit day after day. You're all I have." The words touched Steve, and he couldn't help but smile at them.

"I'm glad to be." He said leading Tony out of the disastrous bathroom that would have to be repaired by Tony's robots that never seemed to get a break.

They went into the living room and Steve made Tony sit down on the couch. He sat down next to him and slung an arm around his shoulders without saying a word. The contact calmed Tony down a bit, and he leaned into Steve as he turned on the television to some movie on HBO. Steve set down the remote and relaxed into the couch feeling Tony inch closer and closer towards him. A smile grew on his lips and he found one of Tony's hands – which were resting on his lap – and took it in his.

Tony looked up at him and examined the smile on his face. He was happy here dealing with him. And that was a lot to put up with, Tony knew that. He could certainly be a pain in the ass most of the time. But there was no mistaking that Steve was…happy.

_Shit…_Tony thought as stared at Steve who kept his eyes trained on the screen. There was no denying it anymore and as soon as it was to be admitting it or feeling it, it was the truth. _I'm falling for him. _

_**I'm so sorry this is up so late! But let's be honest, to create this chapter, it had about ten different beginnings, middles, and ends that I decided to reject. Some of which either sounded like filler chapters or made absolutely no sense and had the weirdest plot because I have been really sick and my brain was beyond fuzzy. So I'm so sorry this is up late. I will try my hardest to get the next one up quicker! **_

_**Anyway, pretty please REVIEW! I would love to hear your opinions on this! It means a lot to me. **_

_**I love you all very much! All your feedback and all the attention this story has gotten really warms my heart and always makes me smile. So thank you all so much for that! I love you all dearly! **_

_**Happy Reading! **_


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7: Closure **

"Steve, are you here?" Tony stepped out of the elevator and into the house as Jarvis greeted him like he always did with a very swift,

"Welcome home, Mr. Stark." Tony was basically soaked from being in the rain that was currently pelting down from the sky, but he didn't care. There was a smile on his face as he headed for the living room to look for Steve.

"Tony?" Steve's voice came from down the hallway followed by the familiar sound of his footsteps. He must have been in the bedroom reading or something. Tony knew he was probably worried as to where he went and before he went into the bedroom, he was probably searching all throughout the house for him practically having a heart attack. That would explain why Tony had three missed calls on his phone from Steve that he never returned.

Tony turned towards the hall just as Steve stepped out with a very confused – and worried – expression on his face. And of course Tony didn't miss the sigh of relief that escaped Steve at the sight of him.

"Where were you?" He asked trying to hide his relief as he took a few steps forward towards Tony.

"The cemetery." He said with a shrug. Earlier in the day he had went to the cemetery where Pepper was buried to visit her grave and talk to her. It wasn't like she would reply for obvious reasons, but people said it sometimes helped with closure, so he gave it a shot.

"You went to the cemetery? Alone?" He asked worried as to how that went.

"I had to. I wouldn't have said anything that I did to her if you were there." He shrugged pealing off his drenched coat and tossing it onto the back of the couch. By that he meant that he had said things such as how he truly felt about her, how one day he planned on marrying her if she would have been alive – which was a shocker for him to say aloud – and even about how he was _now_ falling in love with Steve. Which he felt terrible for admitting to her, and didn't realize that was _truly _how he felt until he said it, but it wasn't like he was going to lie to her. And now that he told her all that, he realized he did get some form of closure and felt better. "So yes, I went alone." Steve furrowed his brows as Tony smiled at him.

"What did you say to her?" He asked out of sheer curiosity.

"Personal things. Things I had to get off my chest."

"And it helped?"

"Obviously." He said heading towards the kitchen. Deciding he wanted to drop the topic, he quickly asked, "How do you feel about ordering in dinner tonight? I could have Jarvis call for pizza, Chinese, Italian. Whatever you're in the mood for. Personally I think New York pizza is phenomenal, but Chinese egg rolls and Italian pasta are like an orgasm in your mouth, so I'm good with anything you want." Steve chuckled at Tony's way of describing the taste of food as he followed him into the kitchen. "You know what, fuck it; we're going the whole nine yards and getting some of each. Jarvis, call for Chinese, Italian, and pizza."

"Already on it, sir." The AI replied swiftly. Steve watched Tony curiously as he took off his suit jacket and draped it on the back of one of the chairs.

"Great. You're the best, Jarvis."

"I know, sir."

"You're getting cocky too? You are my invention; I guess it doesn't come as such a shock." He shrugged and opened the fridge to see if there was anything to drink. Since there was no alcohol – which he was still desperately craving – he settled for Perrier water and called it good enough.

"Wow, you're really feeling better, aren't you?" Steve asked with a smile on his face as he watched Tony open the metal cap on the glass bottle. At least he wouldn't have to find Tony trying anything questionable anymore. Well, so far that's how it looked. And he was actually smiling a lot more, so it was a really good sign as to how he felt.

"Much, actually. Not one hundred percent, but a few steps up from where I was this morning. Let's say I feel maybe twenty percent better than I have. I'd call that an improvement."

"It certainly is." Steve said as Tony ran a hand through his wet and messy hair. "I'm proud you, Tony." There was a short moment of silence as their eyes met again and Tony smirked,

"That means a lot actually, thanks."

"See, you're even thanking me. How about we say you're twenty five percent better? That's more accurate."

"Whatever floats your boat, Rogers." He chuckled and sat down at the table, motioning for Steve to join him. "It's not much, obviously, but I'm trying."

"I know." Steve said sitting down next to him. "Let's just hope I don't have to perform first aid on you again." He said pointing to Tony's still bandaged hands. It had only been a day since that incident and Tony still felt terrible for making Steve take care of him like that. But he couldn't help it, obviously, and Steve knew that. "I believe that's the second time I've pull shards of glass out of your hands. Not to mention I had to do it for your feet as well a while ago. And let's not forget that was while you were vomiting."

"Let's just say that you're a good little nurse, Rogers." Tony laughed hardly remembering that since he'd been so drunk. "I think you need a sexy uniform to go with that title, though. You aren't much of a nurse if you don't have a uniform."

"Dream on." Steve snorted turning a bit red in the face. There was no way he would ever wear one of those. Those costumes were for teenage girls and girls in their twenties to wear to Halloween parties. Not for super soldiers to wear for the amusement of one mister Stark.

"Oh, I will." Tony replied very cockily making both of them laugh. And who's to say he was lying? Steve didn't have to know that. And as far as Tony was concerned, he didn't. So yes, Tony could have as many dreams about him that he wanted. Maybe not involving a nurse uniform, but to each his own.

"Sir, your food has arrived." Jarvis interrupted them.

"Wow, that was quick." He remarked perking his head up. "Send them up, J." He jumped out of the chair and headed over to the elevator with his wallet in hand already riffling through the vast amount of cash that was inside it. "I'm starving, I don't know about you. So be ready for me to stuff my face as soon as we open up this feast." He looked over his shoulder at Steve who was still sitting at the counter with his feet up on the chair where Tony was just sitting.

"Well, I'll join you. I'm famished." Steve said as the elevator opened to a more than shocked looking pizza delivery girl, Chinese delivery boy, and an Italian delivery boy. They all looked into Tony's house obviously in awe as he opened his wallet.

"How much do I owe you, babe?" He asked pointing to the girl who was suddenly very attentive to him and not her surroundings. Her eyes were bugging out of the sockets as she held out her hand,

"It's going to be twenty dollars, sir." And she was polite too. Not to mention she had a very thick Brooklyn accent that Steve recognized.

"Here, take a fifty. Buy yourself something pretty or whatever." She gratefully took the bill and handed Tony the pizza as Steve walked up behind him reaching for the food to help him out. "How about you two?" He asked looking up at the two other boys.

"Twenty, sir." The Chinese delivery boy replied holding his hand out and giving the food to Steve who was getting eyed up and down by the pizza girl.

"Twenty five for me, sir." The Italian delivery boy replied just as Steve took the food out of his hand.

"Here, both of you take a hundred and enjoy it." He turned back to the girl realizing that she only got fifty. "And for you, since you're so pretty, take another hundred dollars. What am I going to do with it?" He said handing her the extra tip. "Have a nice night now." They all turned to each other in shock as the elevator doors closed and brought them back down to the ground level.

"Do you always tip that high, Stark?" Steve asked laughing.

"No, most of the time I tip higher, but they were kids. What are they going to do with all that money?" He asked as they headed into the kitchen to eat the food that was currently making their mouths water. It's not until you smell the delicious aroma of food that you realize how undeniably famished you are.

"Put it towards collage?"

"Or spend it at the mall. They're teenagers; they're probably out spending it right now." Steve couldn't deny that so he just kept his mouth shut and opened the box of pizza just as Tony snatched a piece and began to eat it. "Dig in, Steve. There's plenty to go around." He said once he swallowed.

"Yeah, between the two of us. We're going to have leftovers for a week. But odds are, knowing you; you're just going to throw all of this out later, aren't you?" He said giving Tony a knowing look.

"Probably. Who likes leftovers?"

"You're such a waster."

"Hey, be grateful I bought you dinner." He said with his mouth full of pizza and a fake angered look to his eyes.

"You're vulgar. And it's the least you could do since I've been cooking these past couple of weeks. You can't even cook."

"Well if you want the house to burn down then I'd be glad to try cooking for you. What'll it be? Stir fry? Steak? Thanksgiving dinner?" Steve laughed and opened a box of sweet and sour chicken to put some onto a plate knowing that if Tony tried to cook any of that it would end in disaster. "If I tried I'm sure I could be a great cook. But well, I just never cared to learn properly."

"How would you survive on your own?"

"I wouldn't." He laughed before reaching for his water and taking a swig. "Good thing I have you here to take care of me. Babysitter." Steve shook his head as he began to spin some pasta around his fork. "You know, it's a good thing I like you, Rogers, or I'd be pissing and moaning all the time just to annoy you."

"We wouldn't want that, now would we?" Steve chuckled before he put the pasta in his mouth. Tony was right, it was amazing! Except his description of it was obviously less vulgar.

"No, we wouldn't. Because odds are, by now, I would have blown you up." Steve almost spit out his food before he said,

"I'd like to see you try."

"I could kick your spangled ass and you know it. Admit it; I'm simply the best fighter on the team." Steve tried to stifle a very stuck up laugh that was threatening to escape, but failed outrageously.

"Keep telling yourself that."

"I plan to." Tony reached over the counter and grabbed a breadstick that he proceeded to practically shove into his mouth. "You're not to bad yourself, though, Cap." He said a bit quieter than his previous tone. Steve looked up at him and blinked a couple of times not exactly knowing how to respond to that. "You know, for an out of date super soldier that is. You win second place I guess." He looked up from his plate of food and smiled at Steve who was already smiling at him.

"That was _almost_ a compliment, Tony. Thank you." A laugh escaped him making Tony look up at him with a glare on his face.

"You know what I meant." He said setting his fork down. "Now that I think about it though, I kind of miss the others." He was referring to their teammates. "Which is really weird for me, but oh well. It's the truth."

"Give them a call if you miss them so much." Steve said heading over to the fridge and grabbing a bottle of water before returning to the table.

"Hell no. If I called them they'd all suddenly accumulate here and it would be hell for days. Especially Clint. That guy would take a simple call as an invitation and he'd bring the rest of the team over including Fury and if he had friends he'd bring them too. Not to mention Thor would suddenly show up like always and probably break everything I own, and he might possibly bring his _beloved brother_ with him. So yeah, I'll pass on calling them." Steve shook his head as he took a drink of water know that the part about Thor was probably right. Despite the fact Loki almost killed them all, Thor still loved him.

"I'm sure they'd like to hear how you're doing though."

"Maybe some other time. I'm sure they wouldn't want to deal with me in this…current state. Hell, I don't even want to deal with myself. I'm a whiny little bitch, and it's a bit terrible that I actually will admit to that." Steve tried not to laugh,

"You are not." He insisted with a smile. Tony looked up at him and smiled a very genuine and sweet smile. It was – in Steve's opinion – one of the most magnificent sights he'd seen in a while. To actually see true happiness on Tony's face, for once, was refreshing and certainly made him feel happier. "I'm going to go step outside for a bit, though. I haven't been out all day and now that the rain has let up, I think it might be appropriate." He got to his feet as Tony began to close up the boxes of what was left of their food.

"It's pitch black outside. Why now?" He asked setting the half eaten pizza in the fridge followed by the Chinese food.

"Well we all didn't spend two hours outside today, now did we?" He asked pointing out the fact that Tony was at the cemetery earlier. To that, he nodded and let Steve go on his merry way.

Once he was positive Steve was outside and the door was securely shut, he let out a long sigh as he leaned his head back. Slowly, he shut the now filled fridge and leaned against it as if for support and shut his eyes. This feeling wasn't something new. It was a feeling he thought he'd never feel again and he kind of wished he never would feel it again. Yet here he was, feeling the exact feeling he never wanted to feel again.

Everyone says that love hurts. It's no lie – it hurts to be in love! Sometimes physically. If the person isn't with you or they don't know how you feel, it can be the worst pain in the world. Your chest could even physically feel as if it is going through a heart attack, yet there is nothing a hospital could do for such pain. Sometimes you think a hospital would make a cure for that, but not even heart burn medication will cure that feeling. Love hurts, that much was true, and as Tony stood with his head against the fridge and his eyes shut, he felt it. And it was a good feeling to feel once again – to know that he was capable of loving someone again – but it hurt more.

There was no way Steve would ever take him. It wasn't just because Steve was from the forties and had a more traditional mindset and view on this type of thing, but also because Steve had seen too much. He knew too much about Tony now. More than he ever did, and there was no way someone could love him after that. Going to the cemetery may have gotten him closure, but it didn't resolve the fact that Steve would never – could never – love him back. Tony was convinced of that. Steve knew far too much about him to ever want to be with him. To ever love him back.

With that conclusion and thought in his mind, he opened his eyes and straightened up letting a defeated and depressed sigh escape him. He fell in love once and it didn't end well, obviously. Now here he was falling in love with someone else, and even though they were within his reach, there was no way he could have him. That he was sure of. Or at least he convinced himself that he was sure of it.

_I'm glad we got to meet each other. I'm happy to know you, Tony._ A ghost of a smile formed itself on his lips as he turned towards the balcony to see Steve standing outside staring out over the city. _Everything happens for a reason. Only time holds the answer or the resolution. Right?_

"Right…" Tony silently agreed to the question that was mentally running through his mind as his eyes opened wide still fixated on Steve. "Right…" Everything did happen for a reason. There are certain things in life that you will never be able to change. Things that happened for a reason and weren't meant to be while they were present, so they changed. For better or for worse. And in some twisted way, Tony could help but think that maybe Pepper's death had a little something to do with that.

Maybe they weren't meant to be together. Maybe he was meant to be with someone else. And maybe that someone else was meant to be Steve.

The night that Steve found him wasn't just a coincidence. It couldn't have been. Of all the people on Tony's phone, it dialed Steve. It called Steve right when Tony needed someone most – right when Tony needed _Steve _most. It wasn't coincidence. Maybe it was fate. Maybe this – all of this – was meant to be. And despite the fact that Tony believed that Steve could never love him, there was no denying that there was something strange about all of this. It was meant to be. And even though Steve would never love him, want him, or even want anything to do with him in any way romantic at all, he had to say something.

Without a moment to lose, he snapped out of his frozen state of thought, and headed towards the balcony doors with a determined look on his face. One he certainly wore quite often, so it was nothing new. And as he opened the doors and Steve turned to meet his eyes – he looked rather confused as to why Tony was now joining him – Tony quickly made his way over towards Steve and kept their eyes locked.

"Steve," He said confidently. "Do you believe in fate?"

"Of course." Steve responded, utterly confused as to where this was heading.

"And you believe that everything happens for a reason, right?"

"Yes, you know that. Tony, what are you getting at?"

"On the night that you found me downstairs, out of all the people in my contacts, my phone called you. I have hundreds of contacts, but out of all of them it dialed your number and brought you here." Steve furrowed his brows,

"Crazier things have happened."

"I know! But maybe it called you for a reason. Maybe _that _was fate." Steve – who was probably now more confused than ever – cocked his head to the side and shook his head,

"Fate for what?" Tony's face lit up a bit at the question.

"To answer that, I need to tell you something. Something important."

**_So how was that? Humorous and also a bit thoughtful, so I thought you would all enjoy that. Not to mention the cliff hanger! I know you all probably hate me right now because I know how much cliff hangers stink! But I was feeling a bit mischievous at the moment, and what is _worse _than a cliff hanger? _**

_**Sorry for the kind of late update, as always I have been busy so forgive me. **_

_**Please REVIEW! I love to hear your opinions! I love all the review and love this story has got. You are all truly the best and I'm having a ball writing this! So thank you. **_

_**I will try to have the next chapter up quickly – it's about half way done, but it will probably change a lot from its current state – so bear with me! **_

_**Happy Reading! **_


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8: Night **

Tony looked up at Steve who was waiting expectantly for what he was about to tell him. There was curiosity written on his face which made Tony smile. The sounds of the city surrounded them and he could tell it was only making Steve antsier to know what he was going to say. The look on his face made Tony reconsider Steve's feelings for him. If there were any feelings there. He was still denying the fact that there might possibly be. As of right now, he found himself undesirable – which was extremely rare to him! Of course he knew how many people – men and women alike – would jump off a cliff to spend the night with him, but this was with someone he actually cared about. Nothing else mattered if the person who he wanted to be with didn't want to be with him.

"Well, what is it, Tony?" Steve asked after a few moments of awkward silence that seemed to make the air dense. Or was that just the strange fall humidity?

Tony looked up at Steve and searched his eyes. Normally there was a sign of desire in a person's eye that indicated they wanted him. Even if they had the best poker face in the world, he could always tell no matter what. But when he looked into Steve's eyes, there was nothing. No hidden desires or signs showing that maybe all he wanted was for them to kiss. All he saw was curiosity and the slight irritation growing with every second of silence.

A slow drawn out sigh escaped him and most of the light left his face. _I should have known better._ He thought feeling his head lower down a bit.

"Just that…maybe it was fate that my phone called you, and now we're…good friends. Such…good…good friends." He lifted a hand – that now felt very heavy – and pat Steve on the shoulder. "Yeah. That's all." His hand slid off of Steve's shoulder as he turned around and began to walk back into the house which felt oppressive once again. It wasn't like him to do what he just did. If he wanted something, he took it. But not this time. Not with Steve. If Steve didn't want him, then he wouldn't force him to.

"Wait a second, Tony." He quickly headed into the house and shut the balcony door behind him in the process. Tony was standing in the living room with his back to him as he approached. "That was a little less than _something important_ if you ask me. You wanted to tell me something else, didn't you?" Tony hated how Steve read into things. He hated how he sometimes even knew what he was thinking.

"Maybe now's not the time." He replied quickly realizing just how much he wanted to get out of this situation. "It can wait."

"I doubt that."

"How?"

"Because you were in such a rush of excitement to tell me moments ago. Then you covered it up with that friendship crack. What is it you _really _wanted to tell me, Tony?" Slowly, he turned around to face Steve with a blank expression on his face and met his eyes. Steve, who was once again waiting expectantly, crossed his arms and Tony could just picture him beginning to tap his foot in impatience. In different circumstances the thought might have made him laugh, but not now.

"I can't tell you." He said in a strained voice.

"That's a first." Steve said taken aback a bit. Tony narrowed his eyes at the comment but let Steve continue. "Why?"

"I can't tell you. I just can't." He shrugged and then crossed his arms. "It's not the right time."

"When will it be the right time? You seem to be focused on time a lot since everything that happens to you involves either the wrong time or the right time. So, enlighten me, when will the time be right?" His voice had taken a bad turn south and sounded angrier than it had in the past few days. But it wasn't going to make Tony open his mouth yet.

"Later."

"Of course." He practically snapped which made Tony flinch almost. It made him curious as to why Steve was reacting this way. It wasn't like he knew what he was going to say. "Why don't you ever tell anyone anything, Stark? And if you do you spit out lies."

"That's not true!" He said getting defensive now.

"Yes it is! Most of it and you know it!" He glared at Tony for what felt like forever. Tony decided to just keep his mouth shut. He wasn't in the mood to yell or be yelled at. Not for this. Not by _Steve._

After a moment, though, Steve's face softened up and he let his head hang as he slowly shook it back and forth. "Why won't you open up to me?" The words came out in a whisper, but there was no way Tony missed them. His eyes shot wide as Steve didn't lift his head once. "I've been here long enough, haven't I? We're good enough friends, aren't we?" Tony uncrossed his arms and let his face fall a bit revealing his sorrow at the soldier's words. "What else do I have to do?" Their eyes met and Tony wanted to tear his away noticing how sad Steve looked. But there was no way he was going to tell him what else he could do. _Love me back._

"Nothing." He said bluntly, and quickly turned on his heel to go back into the bedroom. So it was going to be one of _those _nights, wasn't it?

OOO

He didn't come into the room to sleep that night. After Tony went in there, he just sat and thought about everything. Occasionally he'd talk to Jarvis hoping that somehow the AI would give him advice, but that was practically futile. He was on his own with thinking, and he could hardly even do that without going slightly crazy.

Only once did Steve come in the room, and it was to get his pajamas and sketch book. They didn't even speak, nor did Steve even look at him. Tony on the other hand had been staring at him the whole time just hoping he'd look at him and stay. But he didn't. After that, Tony didn't see him again since he was shutting himself in his room at the moment. And it saddened him even more. It made him feel like he was some jerk who banished their friend or sent them away. And Tony knew how much he needed Steve with him. How much he craved Steve's company and presence. Today was the first day in weeks where Tony had been away from him for so long, and it was different. It made him realize how alone he'd be without him here every waking moment. Even if he spent half of the day in the cemetery, it wasn't like Pepper was really there with him. Instead he was all alone.

Without really thinking, he stood up and walked over to his dresser to find pajamas hoping it'd be a better night. He pulled out just a pair of silk pajama pants and decided to go with it. He tossed them on the bed, but kept his back to it. Instead, he looked at everything on the dresser. Most of it was pointless. Like watches, his wallet, a couple bottles of cologne. Though his eyes were fixated on the framed pictures behind all of that. A picture of him and his mother, him and Pepper, and even just one of his father which, until this moment, he forgot he had. And he wondered why he insisted on keeping it. It's not like he and his father had the best of relationships.

A deep sigh escaped him and he turned his back on the dresser as he quickly got out of his damp suit and put on the pajama bottoms. Even though it was only ten o'clock, it didn't look as if he was going to be doing anything else for the night. That much was obvious. So instead, he crawled into bed and instructed Jarvis to turn off the lights. The AI complied and he was left in almost complete darkness leaving the only light in the room to come from the arc reactor on his chest.

Slowly, he shut his eyes and hoped to get a good night sleep.

OOO

The clock read two in the morning. It was probably the fifteenth time Steve had checked it in the past ten minutes realizing he wouldn't be getting much sleep this morning. Instead, he just sat up with the television on letting movies roll on HBO. Three had played in the time he had been sitting out here, but as if he was watching any of them. They didn't interest him all too much since he had different things on his mind. Ever since he came here he had had different things clouding his mind and preventing him from getting to sleep or even being able to think straight.

At times he considered just packing up and going home. Being here was difficult, especially since he had to put up with Tony, but every time he considered it, he turned the thought down. No way was he leaving Tony _now_. Not in the state he was in. But the fact that he wouldn't tell him anything other than how he felt at a certain moment was beginning to get to him, and he didn't know why. He wished Tony would tear down that invisible wall and tell him everything. Open up to him like he had done with Pepper. But he was no Pepper; there was no way Tony would do that. And sometimes he envied Pepper for how she could get Tony to open up to her like that. Tell her anything and everything. Sometimes he wished he could be that for Tony. Someone he could open up to, tell everything to, and even love.

Of course he loved Tony. How could he not? Before, when they hated it each other, it was easy to ignore the man. But now, when he saw him almost every waking moment, it made it hard to not notice every little thing he did. How something so small or insignificant got his attention. It never escaped Steve's attention when he noticed something that made Tony tick. And it always made him curious as to how.

Ever since he came here to live with Tony, ever since he saw him down in the lab tearing it apart and saw how low and how fragile he really was underneath his armor, his hard exterior, and the image he portrayed. It wasn't until their eyes met and he saw how sad and broken Tony's were underneath all the anger and hatred he tried to hold in them, did he realize that he might just love him. When he grabbed his arms and held them down letting Tony scream at him he realized just how much Tony needed him. How much _he _needed Tony. He might have been sketchy and angry at him at first, but once he warmed up to being around him every day and Tony began to grow on him, it became more and more recognizable and undeniable that he was falling in love with him.

The words that Tony said when he first embraced Steve, realizing he was too physically and mentally weak to even stand, stuck with Steve all these weeks. _I hate myself!_ Every time he saw Tony reaching another low point, destroying something or being destructed, be thought of those words and pictured Tony in that moment. How broken he was, how absolutely damaged he was emotionally right now. It practically broke his heart. And now he ruined the opportunity to tell Steve something _important._ Instead, he shut himself away in his room and refused to open his mouth.

Steve sighed and let his head fall back onto the pillow he had with him on the couch. He realized it was another couch sleeping night so he changed into his pajamas and tried to get as comfortable as possible. But since he wasn't with Tony and didn't know what was happening behind the shut door of the bedroom, it was keeping him up and trying to get comfortable was practically a waste of time. Instead he sat there worried sick about what Tony was thinking right now. He wondered if maybe he was still up. Maybe he missed Steve's company and was sleepless without it.

Instead of worrying though, he tried to focus on the television and the movie playing on it. Of course he didn't know it since it was after his time, but it was still almost gripping, so he tried to stay focused. But there is only so much television a person can watch in one day. It comes to the point where you're almost drooling because you're so sick of it.

But his focus didn't last long. It was only a matter of minutes before an ear piercing scream made him practically fall off the couch, scream himself, and his head automatically turned to the shut bedroom door.

"Tony!" He shouted scrambling to his feet almost tripping over his pajama pants. He ran towards the door and let the screams continue to fill his ears and make him more frantic by the second. They echoed through the house making his grip on the doorknob shaky – as if it wouldn't be in the first place. Quickly, he opened the door and saw Tony sitting upright in the bed and he was facing the side of the bed where Steve had slept for the past two nights. His hands were pressed down on the sheets and shaking fiercely. For a split second, Steve wondered if it hurt his injured hands.

"Tony!" He made his way over to the bed and to side that Tony was facing. "Tony, calm down." He got on the bed and took Tony's shaking hands in his. "It was just a dream, calm down." He knew Tony had been having nightmares, and sometimes he had night terrors. It was nothing new, but it still hurt him to see Tony like this. "Tony, it's okay." He said letting his voice fall once Tony quieted down. "It's okay. It's okay." Tony brought his frantic eyes up to capture Steve's and he tried to steady his erratic breathing.

"Steve?" He said as his voice cracked.

"Yes, I'm right here." He released one of Tony's hands and put it around the trembling man before him.

"I thought…" He trailed off shaking his head. _Why won't you open up to me? _He knew he should open up to Steve. Tell him everything. Let him know exactly what was on his mind. It might someday get the man to love him. Make him realize how much he really cared about him. Maybe now was the time to open up. "I thought you died." He said squeezing Steve's hand tighter in his.

"Died? No, I was just outside in the living room." He shook his head and felt his heart nearly break.

"It felt so real. They always do."

"What do?"

"These damn dreams! All of these nightmares I keep having. With each one I have, they feel more and more real." He let his eyes fall as Steve realized that he was having nightmares not only about Pepper, but about _him_. And it wasn't just this one, it was multiple ones! This wasn't just a one time thing, it was reoccurring. And they weren't all nightmares. That made him wonder what the dreams were.

"What happened in the nightmare?" Steve asked knowing it sometimes helped to talk about them. He had his fair share of nightmare experiences.

"I just told you, you died! You left me and you died." He nearly shouted not wanting to even think about it. "And when I woke up and you weren't here…"

"You thought it was real." Steve finished for him feeling like he had just been stabbed in the heart. Tony nodded letting his eyes find Steve's again and was comforted by the sight. "Tony…" He released his hand and couldn't help himself from reaching out and taking the smaller man in his arms.

"I am so fucking sick of these nightmares. It's practically every night now!" He grumbled, but was feeling about ten times better in Steve's arms.

"Practically? When do you not have them?" Steve asked rubbing his hands in soothing circles on Tony's back trying to get the trembling to stop. It was a motion Tony had grown quite fond of and it did calm him down faster.

"When you're in here with me." He decided to just say it and hopefully he wouldn't regret it later. It was in fact the truth. "I don't have nightmares when you're with me. If I have anything it's just dreams. Good dreams." Steve turned a bit red as he pulled back to look at Tony's eyes again.

"What do you dream about?" He asked.

"Random shit. It changes, I suppose. Once I dreamed about dancing farm animals and I didn't know what to think about that one when I woke up, but…" he paused for a second but then decided _fuck it_ and continued with his sentence. "At first I just dreamed about Pepper. But now…now I dream of you. _A lot._ Probably more than I should, and in scenarios I really shouldn't be dreaming about with you involved, but I do." He shrugged quickly and let his eyes drop realizing he had probably said too much. At least too much for Steve's innocent mind.

"You dream about me?" He asked slowly wanting to make sure he heard that right and his mind wasn't playing tricks on him.

"Plenty." Tony nodded running a hand nervously though his hair. "I know I shouldn't be, but you can't exactly tell your subconscious what to do once you're asleep and have no control over it." He shrugged hoping that Steve didn't ask about some of the scenarios the dreams involved.

"And none of those dreams are bad? Nightmares I mean."

"No. They're good dreams, actually. I quite enjoy them if I do say so myself." Steve narrowed his eyes and his head slowly tilted to the side. "What?" Feelings of self consciousness washed over him and he wanted to shrink away and take back all he said.

"Nothing…" Steve whispered keeping his eyes locked with Tony's. After a moment of eye contact, he cleared his throat and straightened up. "How about I stay in here, though? With you. You know, so you don't have another nightmare and you can enjoy a good dream." Tony cocked one eyebrow,

"I thought you were mad at me."

"I was." A gentle smile crossed his lips and he saw a small light ignite in Tony's eyes.

"Well okay then." Tony, very curiously, watched as Steve stood up and lifted the covers on the side of the bed he slept on. Slowly, he climbed in beside him and leaned against the pillow for support as Tony kept sitting up and staring at him with a strange look in his eyes. A look only Tony knew well enough since only he did it. A look that indicated hidden desires that kept surfacing in his mind. "Comfy?" he asked once Steve let out a content sigh and met his eyes again.

"Almost." There was a strange hitch to his voice that Tony caught and furrowed his brows at. If he didn't know any better, he would have said it was a lustful tone. But he convinced himself it was just him hearing it that way because that's what he wanted to hear.

"What do you mean?" He asked wondering how _anyone _could be uncomfortable in this bed. But Steve continued to eye him with a curious glint in his eyes and a slight smirk on his lips. Even as he lay down their eyes stayed locked together.

"Remember the first night I slept in this bed with you?" He asked. How could Tony forget? It was the first time Steve had shared a bed with _anyone _apparently. So he nodded letting Steve know he did. "And I woke up to see you cuddling up to me and clinging to me?"

"You know you were doing the same damn thing." Tony furrowed his brows and crossed his arms defensively, but Steve held his hand up indicating he wasn't finished. "And yes, I remember that too, obviously enough."

"Obviously." Steve chuckled lifting a hand out from under the covers. "And there is no need to be so defensive, Tony. I never said I didn't like it." His hand ran up Tony's crossed arms and gently took one of his hands in his. "And if I'm not mistaken, something tells me that you wouldn't mind it again. Nor would I." His smirk grew at the wide eyed look on Tony's face. "Come here." Not wasting another moment, he gently tugged on his arm indicating for him to come down to him. Naturally, not wanting to lose the opportunity, he complied and scooted over closer to him in the process as he lowered himself down.

Steve let go of his hand and wrapped an arm around his bare waist bringing it around and gently running it up and down his side slowly. Which for some strange reason felt absolutely amazing and made Tony's head spin. His free hand came over and he ran his knuckles down Tony's cheek never leaving his eyes.

"Now, are _you_ comfortable?" He asked in a whisper. And Tony saw it. Earlier on the balcony, it wasn't there. The desire in his eyes he was looking for earlier was finally there. It showed now and there was no mistaking it.

"Yes." He replied in a slight shock. This was a completely new side of Steve Rogers that he'd never seen before. And he liked it plenty. "Extremely." Steve smiled and tangled their legs together very satisfied in hearing a slight gasp of shock escape Tony beside him.

"I'm glad." He tilted Tony's head upward and let a very slight chuckle escape him. "Why do you look so shocked?" He let his hand drop and make its way down to Tony's bare chest and rest just below the arch reactor.

"Why do you think?" Tony tried to wipe the obvious shock and excitement off of his face. Not that the situation wasn't perfect, but he was still sketchy as to why Steve decided to do this. Was it so he could indulge some of Tony's fantasies?

"Something tells me you've wanted me to do something like this for a while, am I right?" Tony wrapped his arms around Steve's waist and swallowed hard.

"Yes." He choked out.

"Really?" He cocked an eyebrow already knowing it was true by the speed the Tony's heart was beating. "Is there anything else?" By that point, Tony knew he must be slightly red in the face. And the desire in Steve's eyes was practically glowing. "Or is now not the time to tell me that?" He ran his knuckles down his cheek once more as Tony slowly nodded not knowing what to say to this or how to even think of it. "It's okay." A smile spread across his lips and he leaned down pressing his lips to Tony's forehead for what felt like an eternity. It damn near made both of their hearts stop. "Just try and get some sleep. I'm here now, so I'm assuming that won't be difficult." He whispered against Tony's forehead and let his breath ghost over the skin. Tony chuckled and shook his head,

"It won't be." Steve pulled back and smirked,

"Just promise me one thing."

"Anything."

"I want to hear about those dreams of yours tomorrow. Especially if you have one tonight." The question made Tony turn a bit red. Knowing what he had dreamt about involving Steve, it was going to be awkward for him to speak of. But after a moment of consideration, Tony nodded and Steve pressed another kiss to his forehead.

Their eyes left each other as they lay down – still wrapped in each others arms – and shut their eyes. Tony tried not to laugh at the thought of how impossible it was going to be to get some sleep _now._ But at the same time it would be easy. And he knew he would have no nightmares now since he was in one of the best places he could be. In Steve's arms.

_**How was that? Probably not what some of you were expecting, but I figured I could draw it out a bit further before jumping into the romance. Its better this way I suppose, so I hope you think so too! I added quite a bit of fluff so I hope you liked it! Don't worry; the romance is soon to come, so buckle up my lovely readers. **_

_**Thank you all so much for reviewing, making this a favorite, and following this story. It truly warms my heart and it always – without fail – makes me smile when I see that one of you have done so. So thank you all! I love you all very much! **_

_**Pretty please REVIEW and let me know your thoughts and opinions on this. It means a lot to me to hear so. I love you all!**_

_**Happy Reading!**_


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9: Snow **

The snow fell gently outside the window. It came as a shock since it was only the end of November and it was already starting to snow. Normally the snow didn't start up until mid December, and even then it was a shock since the past few winters had been warmer than normal. No snow had covered the ground last year, so it was strange to see snow falling so early.

Tony sat awake in the bed with Steve's arms still wrapped around him holding him close. His eyes were fixated on the window that displayed the snowfall going on outside. It was only six thirty in the morning, but tonight he had been having trouble getting to sleep, and it wasn't just because Steve was hinting his feelings for him. It might have been part of the reason, but he would have been long asleep by now if it were. Something like that can only keep a person up for so long.

His hand found one of Steve's and he gently ran his fingers along the soldiers much softer skin. A slow and gentle sigh escaped him as he felt Steve's fingers flex and take his hand in his. If he didn't know any better, he would assume he was awake. But with the gentle rise and fall of his chest and the even tone to his breathing, Tony knew he was fast asleep and not waking up any time soon. It would take a freight train and a mass explosion to wake that man up by now.

Slowly and gently, Tony sat up untangling himself from Steve's hold and limbs. His hand remained held in Steve's since the soldier refused to let go for some reason, but Tony wasn't complaining. He had no reason to. The contact comforted him.

Steve took in a deep breath and rolled onto his back and – by the looks of it – stretched out a bit. It almost made Tony laugh to realize how close they had been. Close enough to make their muscles ache, that's for sure.

Steve's hand flexed tighter around Tony's and a faint ghost of a smile plastered itself across his lips. The sight made Tony's heart flutter a bit. Steve was so peaceful when he slept. Normally he was a very gentle and kind man, so seeing him look so peaceful wasn't too much of a shock to Tony, but it was nice to see. Although he didn't stare long, his eyes trailed back to the window to see the snowfall had gotten heavier already. As it fell, it glittered in the faint sunlight that was peaking through the cloudy sky. Small flecks stuck to the window and slowly melted away from the heat inside the room. Normally he wouldn't be so enticed by something so insignificant – he usually would just grumble about how cold it was about to get and walk away – but for some reason the spontaneous snowfall caught his attention and he couldn't look away. He found himself wondering if that was in any way significant.

His hand left Steve's, and he threw his legs over the side of the bed so he could stand up. In a slowed pace, he walked over to the window and stared down at the busy city below. It wasn't as busy as normal considering the freak snow storm, but New York City never sat still. Not when someone had a meeting to get to or somewhere else to go. And in midtown Manhattan, someone always had somewhere to go no matter what time of day it was. Sometimes he found it kind of fascinating to watch all the people run to catch the next metro train or fight with someone over a taxi cab. You could really tell what kind of person they were when they were in an argument over a taxi cab. Other times he just found it annoying watching people in the city. But it was easy to tell who was a tourist and who wasn't. Especially if they were carrying a map and wearing a backpack.

His eyes drifted upward from the scene below and fixated on the horizon. Stark Tower was one of the tallest skyscrapers in the city, so no other buildings got in the way of the view. You could see clear to the Hudson River from his house on the top level. And that's where he found himself looking. The waters of the Hudson weren't as clean as they once were. And they were rough too. When riding on the Staten Island Ferry or a water taxi, you would be bouncing all around. It was hard to get footing on one of those boats. Depending on where you stood. Although he hardly ever used those for transportation. Maybe before the Iron Man, but even then he would have a better and more _Stark efficient_ way of transportation.

Slowly, he leaned forward against the glass on the window and his eyes fell back down onto the streets below. Right in front of the tower there were a few people looking up with cameras ready and there was a young lady and a young man arguing over a taxi cab. Typical.

A steady sigh escaped him and he continued to watch the snow fall down from the sky and glisten in the depleting sunlight. It wouldn't be long before the sun was gone entirely and they were left in the clouds. But the snow was still lovely.

Despite the fact he hadn't really been working or straining himself for the past couple of weeks, there was undeniable stress hidden within him. Outside he may seem better, but like he said the day he went to the cemetery, he was only about twenty five percent better. It hadn't changed much since. And despite all the time he had been spending with Steve, he still couldn't get certain things off his mind. Not only Pepper, but lately he had been clouding his mind with plenty of other things. On the outside he looked normal, but on the inside he was still a catastrophic mess. A ticking time bomb about to blow at any moment if someone or something didn't come swooping in to stop it. And each time he felt like he was ready to blow, there was Steve.

He let out a shaking breath and looked upward, "I'm selfish." He sighed realizing how he had been monopolizing Steve and keeping him here for his own selfish reasons. If it were him, he would have gone home long ago. But if Steve were in his position and he was in Steve's…would Steve still be alive? The thought scared him and made a shiver go up his spine. Of course Steve would still be alive! He was Captain freaking America! America's golden boy, not some mentally unstable and conceded asshole like Tony had recently taken to labeling himself as.

"I'm a selfish piece of shit." He said shaking his head against the glass and feeling his hair fall in front of his eyes.

"No you're not." For once, Steve's voice didn't startle him or make him jump. This time, he just slowly turned around to face the soldier who was now sitting upright in the bed watching Tony very curiously. "Why would you think you are?" He asked.

"Why would I think I'm not? I'm forcing you to stay here with me because if you didn't I'd probably lose my mind. As if I haven't already." Steve cocked his head a bit to the side and observed Tony closer than he already was. His eyes scanned him up and down and finally narrowed,

"You really hate yourself, don't you?" He finally spoke, but it was soft and gentle, not accusatory. A sigh escaped Tony and he walked back over to the bed and sat down on the edge.

"What was your first clue?"

"You always have to find something to criticize yourself about every single day. You can be in the best mood one moment upping yourself even higher, and then the next you're in a fit of hysterics and sobbing because you've found something wrong about yourself again. You have to put yourself at fault for something else new every day." Tony looked over at Steve who was giving him a sympathetic look.

"So what? Most of it's true anyway." Steve shook his head as Tony looked away and back outside the window at the snow. "And don't try to disagree because I know you know that it's true too." Steve pursed his lips and continued to eye Tony.

"You need to stop thinking that way, though." Tony looked over his shoulder as Steve made his way over to the side of the bed where he sat and sat down next to him. "Sure you have your faults, everyone does, but you don't need to keep pointing them out and hating yourself even more every day."

"Maybe I do. Isn't it best that I realize them? I'm sure the world would _love _it if I were less conceded than I already am." Steve put an arm around Tony's shoulders at that point.

"It's good to realize our faults and weaknesses, but you can't keep brining yourself down because of them. You need to stop hating yourself just because you have faults. And personally, I like you just the way you are. Despite the conceded and narcissistic attitude, I wouldn't want you to change or be any different than you are now. I like you this way." _This is who I fell in love with, _he thought to himself and it made him blush. Of course Tony took note of that and basked in the glory of it.

"You like me being a conceded, narcissistic, selfish asshole?"

"I like you being who you are – Tony Stark. And if that's the baggage it comes with, then so be it." The smile on Tony's face grew and he could feel himself turning red too. Steve averted his eyes though and looked out the window at the snow Tony had been gazing at for so long. A thought came to him, "As bad as this comparison is, you're a lot like the snow." Tony cocked an eyebrow wondering what strange turn this conversation had just taken.

"Excuse me?" _Is he saying I'm cold too? _

"You heard me. A lot of people hate the snow and just want it gone. They would rather have the world explode than have to see it again. But then there is the very occasional person," He turned back and met Tony's eyes with a very soft look. "Who absolutely loves it, and loves the simple sight of it each and every moment it's around." There was no denying that Tony was bright red by now. He could feel it in his cheeks and by the looks of it; the arc reactor was getting even brighter by the second. It tended to do that when his heart beat picked up, and when it did he longed for a shirt so Steve wouldn't notice.

"Which kind of person are you?" He asked in a whisper almost afraid of Steve's answer. A smile lit up Steve's face,

"What do you think?" He stood up and quickly leaned forward placing a kiss on Tony's forehead – which he wasn't expecting at all – and then turned around oh his heels towards the door. "Go take your shower; I'll make us something to eat." He shut the door behind him as Tony stood up and slowly headed towards the bathroom door with a confused expression on his face.

_Did he just say he loved me? _

OOO

"Steve," Tony came out of the bedroom actually dressed decently for once wearing a pair of jeans and a button down. Knowing him though, some of the buttons were undone and the top of the arc reactor was showing. But his eyes – instead of looking at Steve – were fixated on one of his hands that had loose gauze wrapped messily around it. "Can you help me with this piece of shit?" His voice was beyond irritated and when he looked up at Steve – who was eating cereal and drawing on a napkin – his eyes looked peeved too.

"You can't even wrap up your own hands?" Steve got up from his chair at the table and held his hand out for the roll of gauze and surgical tape. "This is pitiful." He motioned towards the gauze that was practically hanging off of his hand. "I thought you were good with your hands."

"Shut up, I am. Be glad I at least I tried before I asked you."

"I'm still not sure whether to be proud or disappointed." Tony looked up at him while he worked and narrowed his eyes. Right before he could come back with another crude comment, he felt Steve's finger run down the large cut on the side of his hand as he muttered, "Wow…"

"What is it? Is it infected? If it is, that's bullshit. I've been using that damned medication on it for days!"

"No, it's not infected." Steve said quickly to reassure him – and shut him up. "It's going to scar though." That much Tony knew, and he was kind of ashamed of that. When he had smashed the mirrors, the damage it would cause him was the last thing on his mind. Now whenever he looked at the scar he would be reminded of that. "Does it hurt?" Steve began to wrap up the wounded hand not wanting to look at it anymore, and looked up to meet Tony's eyes, but they were lowered.

"Like a son of a bitch, yes." He mumbled.

"Do you want some painkillers?" Tony gave him a look that basically said: _are you shitting me? _So he just laughed and decided not to ask Tony that question again unless he was in serious pain.

"What's for breakfast?" He asked looking over Steve's shoulder like an eager child. It was a wonder why he didn't have to jump since Steve was practically hovering over him, and he was taller.

"Cereal. I was too lazy to cook something this morning." Steve shrugged once he had taped down the gauze on Tony's other hand. "Maybe you should learn how to cook so you can make your own breakfast."

"Yeah right, I'd burn down the house. If I learn how to cook, then maybe you should learn how to use _Twitter_." Tony walked into the kitchen laughing. Steve followed behind him with a very confused look on his face.

"What's a _Twitter_?"

"I don't know, why don't you _Google_ it?" Tony chuckled to himself enjoying his childlike tendencies.

"You're an imbecile."

"Look who's catching on!" Tony sat down in one of the bar stools and began to pour himself a bowl of cereal. It wasn't as good as what they had normally been eating for the past couple of weeks, but it was a nice change up. He realized Steve would probably get tired of cooking every day.

"Why are you dressed so nicely?" Steve brought his cereal bowl over to the counter Tony was sitting at and sat down across from him and used his spoon to point at Tony's outfit. "Are you going somewhere?"

"I have no where to go. Can't I look nice in my own house?" Steve snorted and held his hands up in fake surrender,

"I was just curious. Normally you've just been wearing sweats and a concert t-shirt." Tony laughed at how true that was. He had been dressing down a lot lately. Then there was Steve who always dressed nicely and called it casual. Except for right now as he sat in his pajamas drawing something on a napkin.

"What are you drawing?" Tony asked leaning forward. "Is that me?"

"No!" Steve quickly covered his drawing with his hand and turned red as a cherry.

"You're blushing! Isn't that adorable? It is me, isn't it?" He removed Steve's hand all too easily from the napkin and snatched it away as Steve seemed to grow redder and redder by the second. As if that were possible.

Tony eyed the drawing of himself – which was very small considering the size of the napkin – and started to laugh. "This is priceless! Why did you draw me?" He asked setting it down. "It's really good, but you should have drawn a caricature of Barton and mailed it to him under my name. That would piss off the bird brain, but it would make me happy." He chuckled and looked up at Steve who was still red. "But anyway, why did you decided to draw _me _of all people?" He asked anticipating Steve's answer and wondering if it was good or bad.

"I like drawing you." Steve shrugged giving the best answer he could as the red in his face died down. "When drawn, the person is always showing one emotion forever. It…preserves it." Tony picked up the napkin again and looked at the drawing for emotion. A wave of happiness washed over him when he saw how Steve drew him.

"I'm…smiling." He said feeling his heart practically glow.

"As cheesy or ridiculous as this may sound…I love it when you're happy. I've seen you cry more times than I ever wanted to while I've been here. But when you're with me, you seem happier, and I like that. I love it. But you're not always like that, so a drawing will preserve it. Even if it's on a napkin." Steve looked up from his hands – which his eyes had been fixated on – and landed on Tony. His eyebrows were pointed downward and there was a subtle smile on his face.

"That's not ridiculous." He whispered reaching out and placing a hand over Steve's. "That's actually – dare I say it – sweet. Thank you." Steve gave his hand a squeeze and nodded in reply. It wasn't every day Tony thanked a person, but it was becoming an everyday thing with Steve. But Tony had a lot to thank him for.

"Now let me ask you something." Steve asked straightening up. A smirk formed on his lips and made Tony very nervous.

"Hit me." He prepared himself for whatever Steve was about to ask. Innocent or not.

"Did you dream of me again last night?" There was a playful tone to Steve's voice as if he were _trying _to push Tony's buttons. It certainly worked too because by the looks of it, Tony was growing red in the face.

"And now the moment's over." He said quickly before he began to fidget nervously. "I don't know, did I? Maybe." He pulled his hand away and began to tap his fingers on the table.

"You did, didn't you?" Steve stifled laughter and leaned forward on the counter. "Why do you dream of me so much?"

"Why do you draw me so much?" Tony shot back not wanting to answer the question. But a smile crept onto Steve's face and he reached out and took one of Tony's hands in his.

"Don't you already know the answer to that?" He asked. Tony's eyes met his and he furrowed his brows. Did he?

"What do you mean?" He asked straightening up.

"You need to figure that out for yourself, Stark. Aren't you a genius?" The smirk crossed his lips again as he stood up to go get changed out of his pajamas and into something more presentable. His hand left Tony's and it left behind an absent feeling in both of their palms as they longed for each others touch once more.

"Why won't you just tell me?" Tony asked turning around to face Steve with an eager tone to his voice. He looked over his shoulder – still smirking – and replied,

"Because you should already know." He continued on into the room and shut the door behind him leaving Tony sitting in the barstool with conflicting thoughts on his mind. His hand was gripping the side of the counter and his eyes still lay fixated on the bedroom door.

_This is crazy, _he thought feeling his hands begin to tremble ever so slightly. _It can't be that Steve actually loves me_, _can it_? He stood up and took a few steps towards the bedroom door never having any intentions of going in. "I have to tell him." He muttered to himself. "It's now or never." Quickly, he finished crossing over to the bedroom door and knocked on it loudly and obnoxiously.

"What?" Steve said with exasperation from inside.

"Rogers, dress warmly, we're going out!"

"Out? Tony, it's eight in the morning!" Tony could hear the very clear confusion in his voice and smiled.

"So what? It's a big city, there's plenty to do."

"Why so eager to go out?"

"I'm bored of being in here, we need to go do some shit together and get out of this house." Steve snorted,

"And that requires all day?"

"Of course it does!" He heard Steve shut a drawer and chuckle. "Come on, it'll be fun and good for us to get some fresh air. Aren't you sick of this damned house yet?"

"Very. Alright, Stark, I'll humor you and we'll go out." Tony smiled,

"Fantastic."

"Any idea's of what you want to do?" Tony pondered this for a moment and opened the door to see Steve standing there in a pair of khakis and holding a blue button down shirt tightly in his hands.

"Anything can happen on a date, Rogers. What do you say?" Once the anger – from Tony's sudden barge in – faded off of Steve's face and it softened, he smiled fondly,

"I say…it's a date."

_**I'm so terribly sorry for this late update! That was never my intention! I actually had planned to get it up before Christmas, but I had family in town and hardly any time to write, so I just finished it last night and now I found time to post it. Please forgive me; the next update won't take nearly as long I hope! **_

_**I love you all dearly! Thanks so much for all the favorites, reviews, and follows! They make me smile so much. Thank you. **_

_**Prepare yourselves for the date next chapter, I have half of it written out, but – knowing me – it is bound to change within that time. Like I said though, I will try to have it up quickly. Buckle up for some fluff! **_

_**Pretty please REVIEW and let me know your thoughts so far! Sorry if this chapter was kind of slow and boring, but like I said, it's been hard to write. **_

_**Happy Reading! **_


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter Ten: Date **

"We've been walking for about half an hour, Tony. Where do you propose we go?" They were walking down the side of the road listening to the sound of traffic and the hustle and bustle of city life. Commuters were just exiting the train stations and rushing to their office buildings while others were on errands for their boss who was up high enough in the business that they could boss them around.

"Anywhere. Is there anything you had in mind?" Tony asked shoving his cold hands into his pockets. The snow was still coming down on them, and if it got any harder their heads would be down to shield their faces.

"This was your idea; I think you should chose where we go."

"Steve, we're out here all day. I'm not going to make the only decisions here." Tony shook his head and looked up at the soldier who already looked bored which was a very bad sign. He looked around the busy streets of Time's Square trying to think of something to do – something new. Finally, he looked back up at Steve, "Have you ever been ice skating?" He asked nonchalantly.

"Ice skating?"

"Well you see I've never been, and I've always wondered what it would be like to go. It's something different I guess, and if I can fly I'm sure I can glide along some ice." Steve snorted and shook his head,

"No, I've never been ice skating, Stark."

"Wonderful! Then you won't have a problem if we go to Rockefeller Center and go ice skating then? The ice rink is open, I believe." Steve's eyebrows shot up,

"Ice skating, you're serious?" When Tony didn't answer and just looked up at him with all the sincerity he could muster in his eyes, Steve finally nodded and went along with it. "Okay, we'll go ice skating. But I'm not holding your hand."

"Steve, this is a _date_. It'd be wrong if you _didn't._" Tony pulled his hand out of his pocket and held it out for Steve who was turning red just at the sight of it. "It won't burn you, Steve, it's just my hand. That's all it is." Tony chuckled watching Steve's face contort with conflicting thoughts. He wiggled his fingers a bit as if trying to coax Steve to take it, but when the soldier didn't budge or make any move to do so, Tony sighed and let his hand drop. "Okay, fine, I get it, I'm repulsive." He chuckled not meaning that at all and just trying to put some comic relief into the situation which had obviously made Steve very uncomfortable. Just as he was about to put his hand – which was still freezing – back in his pocket, Steve reached out and unexpectedly grabbed it gently with his and pulled it back down. He slowly laced his fingers with Tony's and gave his hand a very gentle squeeze. Tony smiled triumphantly, "Now that's more like it."

They kept going straight down 7th avenue through Time's Square and the Broadway Theatre District and headed for W. 50th Street to turn east into Rockefeller Center. It was only going to be about a fifteen minute walk at most considering that they were in the heart of Time's Square.

"Your hands are freezing." Steve commented not even looking at Tony. The redness of his face was beginning to die down a bit, but it was still prominent and made Tony have to hold back a chuckle. It was adorable to him how nervous this situation made Steve.

"It's snowing out Steve, therefore it's below freezing, and therefore my hands are cold." Tony elaborated making Steve roll his eyes. If he wasn't smiling, Tony would have thought he made a comment he shouldn't have, but it seemed to amuse Steve enough.

"Thank you for that divine explanation." Steve commented.

"You're welcome. Just thought you ought to know." Tony chuckled as Steve finally turned his head to face him.

"So what are we going to do once we're done with…ice skating?" Steve asked still a bit dodgy on the whole ice skating thing. Not only had he never been, but it confused him as to why Tony wanted to go. As romantic as it was, it just seemed a bit odd to him.

"We're going ice skating, get over it. Admit it, you've done weirder things." Tony said noticing the skeptical tone in Steve's voice.

"Well on dates, I haven't. Then again I haven't exactly been on many."

"But you've done worse or weirder things before in your lifetime."

"Honestly, I can't say I have." Steve replied giving a triumphant look to Tony.

"Well mark this down in the history books as the weirdest date ever, than." Steve snorted and shook his head,

"I just don't see why you would want to go ice skating. It doesn't exactly strike me as being your style."

"It isn't, but I'm open to trying new things now and again. I've never been, you've never been, so why the hell not? Sure it might result in injury – more than likely it will be me – but why not give it a shot? Who knows? It might actually be fun." Tony explained to him. Probably more than he should since he began to ramble a bit towards the end. Steve just nodded in agreement since it did sound interesting.

"You still haven't answered my question from earlier." He noted.

"And what was that?" Tony countered.

"What are we going to do after the ice skating?"

"Whoa, hold your horses; we'll get there when we get there. Don't rush this date, Rogers, just let it fan out. You know? Let it run its course how it will, and see what happens." Steve began to laugh,

"You didn't plan this out at all, did you?"

"Do you even know who you're talking to? I don't plan, I just do." Tony smirked up at Steve who shook his head in disappointment knowing it was all to true. "Like I said, mark it in a damn history book, Cap, this could potentially be the weirdest date you've ever been on."

"Or the worst." Steve condescended making Tony roll his eyes,

"Am I really that bad?" He asked faking hurt.

"You can be."

"Damn," Tony placed a hand over his heart, "That hurts, Steve, it really does." Steve just chuckled and gave Tony's hand a slight squeeze knowing that this date – as weird as it might be – would probably get marked in the _history books _as one of the best.

OOO

"So what was that bit about you being able to glide along some ice? Just because you can fly doesn't mean you can do something as simple as ice skate." Steve slowed to a stop and extended his arm out to Tony who was sitting on the ice with a pissed off expression on his face. It took him all of ten seconds after they got on the ice to fall. Now here it was half an hour later and he had fallen five times. Meanwhile, Steve might as well have learned how to ice skate as a kid because he was gliding along like no other.

"I'm trying my best, back off. Hell, I even put on rental skates! Do you realize how terrible that is? I did this all for you, Rogers." Tony took his hand as the soldier helped him to his feet and allowed Tony to hold onto his shoulder while he balanced himself out. The last thing Steve wanted was to have Tony fall and cut open some part of his body on one of those blades. They might be rentals, but those blades were sharp.

"You're doing a good job, don't worry." Steve sad keeping up with Tony's slow pace.

"You're just saying that." Tony grumbled just before he stumbled and Steve grabbed his arm to steady him. "I'm pitiful. Look at me; I can't even keep my own balance."

"It's adorable." Steve said in a hushed tone and kept his head down and focused on his skates. Tony looked over at him and smiled fondly. If only Steve would look up at him. But his nerves were admirable to Tony.

There was no response Tony could think of to that other than to just smile endearingly. All he did was put his hand over Steve's – which was now resting on his shoulder. The contact made Steve look up and he met Tony's happy eyes and it made his heart beat pick up.

"You were right, this is fun." Steve said with a grin.

"When I'm right, I'm right." Tony chuckled as Steve pulled his hand away and skated ahead of him. "You leaving will only end in turmoil. And by that I mean you having to pick me up off my ass for the sixth time." Tony tried to pick up the pace and stumbled a bit nearly crashing into a young girl.

"Just balance yourself out, it's not that hard." Steve turned around rolling his eyes and holding his hands out to Tony who was starting to fall forwards a bit. "I'm so glad we did this, this is hysterical to watch." Tony gripped onto Steve's hands for dear life and glared up at the condescending soldier.

"Good to know that my pain pleases you." Tony scoffed halfheartedly.

"You know what I mean." Steve rolled his eyes and pulled Tony along enjoying the look of terror that crossed the genius's face when they sped up. It almost made him wish the others were there to witness this. Clint would surely give Tony hell about it for the rest of his life. "Just remember, this was your idea." The comment made Tony sigh. If he knew he'd be making such an utter fool of himself, he wouldn't have suggested it.

"A terrible one."

"I'm not so sure about that. I'm quite enjoying myself, and if I didn't know any better I'd say you are too." Tony smiled shyly up at him and rolled his eyes,

"Think what you want, Rogers."

"Admit it, as much of a fool as you're making yourself out to be right now, you're having a good time." A slight shade of pink crossed Tony's cheeks as he tried to keep a serious demeanor as he looked up at Steve who was as grounded as a statue with his. There was no denying it. Even if he didn't say it aloud. "Thought so." Steve winked and let go of Tony's hand and headed to the exit to the rink.

"Don't leave me stranded out here you asshole!" Tony growled and began to make his way – ever so slowly – over towards where Steve stood with his arms crossed and a look on his face that looked somewhat amused and disappointed. It didn't surprise him when he considered how pathetic his speed was.

"Allow me to wait while you move at a glacial pace." Steve said as Tony stepped out of the ice rink and let out a sigh of relief when he was on less slick of ground.

"At least you didn't have to come help me up from my ass again. Be grateful." Tony walked over to one of the benches and began to unlace the skates anticipating the feeling of walking on solid ground again in normal shoes. To be honest, he probably wouldn't be nearly as clumsy as he was out there earlier if it were just a friendly gesture, but considering the fact that he and Steve were actually on a legitimate _date_ it was making him a bit dizzy. As if he'd admit that aloud though.

"Where to next?" Steve asked standing up once he was out of his skates and had his shoes back on. Tony stood up a moment after and grabbed his skates – which he had tossed on the floor in frustration once he finally got them unlaced – and shrugged,

"Wherever."

"You are stellar at date planning, you realize this?" Steve teased him as they returned the rented skates and headed out to the rest of Rockefeller Center.

"One of my many talents." Tony said shoving his hands in his pockets and trying to think of something else to do considering it was only about eleven in the morning. For tourists, there were plenty of places and sites to see, but for a resident of New York City, it wasn't that easy.

"Do you want me to suggest something?"

"If you have suggestions then speak up." Tony chuckled looking up at Steve who was looking up at the skylines.

"I don't know of many places to go." He pondered the thought for a moment as he tried to think of places he _knew _in New York City. "There's always going out to eat, Broadway, Museums, a tour of something we've never seen."

"Damn, you know this city better than I do." Sarcasm flooded Tony's voice as he looked up at Steve shaking his head. "But you like art, right? How about the Metropolitan Museum of Art?"

"Been there before, actually. I'm sure it's modified by now, but I don't see the point." Tony sighed,

"Damn it, Steve. There's one idea down the drain." Steve rolled his eyes. "You know we could act like tourists and take a ferry ride from Battery Park and visit the statue of liberty and Ellis Island. I know it sounds a bit lame, but who knows, it might actually be…" He trailed off not knowing if what he was about to say was appropriate or not.

"Be what?" Steve looked at Tony and rose an eyebrow in curiosity, but there was a playful glint in his eyes.

"Well, considering the fact that this is a date, I'm sure this is as innocent as it gets, but let's call it what we will. It might actually be…romantic." He looked up at Steve from the corner of his eyes and smiled sheepishly. Steve's eyebrows were raised and there was a soft smile on his lips.

"It might be." He held his hand out for Tony to take, and naturally he took it with no reluctance. "But we're going to have to take the subway to get there." Some of the light from Tony's face fell as Steve said that. It was one of the last places he wanted to be seen.

"Oh the joy."

OOO

Nighttime in New York City can be considered one of the most romantic times of the day. Especially if all the streets are lit up or you're out for dinner or a show. It depends on where you're going to bring the romance to life. It also depends on the person you're with. New York City doesn't bring the romance, you bring it.

During the day – considering it is late November – it was windy on Liberty Island and Ellis Island, and the ferry ride was no better. The island and the ferry were crowded with locals and tourists alike, so one wouldn't exactly call it romantic when they went, but since they were together, it made the romance. Walking hand in hand just talking and enjoying some of their countries history was fine for both of them. Despite the minor flaws, it was perfect.

When they got back to Battery Park, they took the subway back to Midtown and realized it was about midday by then – around three o'clock. Even though they had already been there about a week ago, they decided to visit Central Park again. Steve – feeling rather cheesy and romantic – suggested a horse and carriage ride around the whole park. He never actually expected Tony to go for it – it was meant as a bit of a joke. Although, Tony took it literally and bought them both the next ride in one of the carriages. It certainly earned them quite a few odd stares and recognizing glances. It wasn't everyday you saw Iron Man and Captain America riding together in a horse and carriage through Central Park!

They rode around the park for two hours since Tony instructed the coach to not rush it. The couch tried to hold back a chuckle as they both climbed in and got cozy together in the back seat. Certainly he recognized them and it made him smile. For a good portion on the ride Tony leaned into Steve – who had his arms around him – leaning his head on his shoulder. From time to time Steve would tighten his hold and smile uncontrollably leaning his head down and kissing Tony atop his head. Both of them would just chuckle and feel their hearts flutter. Tony would lift his arms up and put them over Steve's returning the pressure of the hug as excitement flooded through his body. It made him curious as to how something so small could make him so happy. It must just be who he was with, Steve.

The sun began to go down around four thirty and they both looked up towards the sky letting their conversation cease as they watched the sun go down and night begin to take over. Only in New York did it get dark this early in the fall and winter.

The coach dropped them off by 5th Avenue, as requested by Tony, around five in the afternoon. Steve climbed out of the carriage first and held his hands out for Tony to take before he made his way out as well. Gladly, Tony tipped the coach a _very _gracious tip and they began to make their way down the street again towards 34th street. If anyone knows New York City, then they know about the Empire State Building. It's one of New York's identifiers and also known as a romantic spot – especially at nighttime. Despite the prominent chill to the air and the fact that they could see their breath; neither of them wanted this day to be over. So instead of hurrying to the Empire State Building, they slowed their pace and admired everything around them which included each other.

"Would it be terribly cheesy…if I said this is one of the best days of my life?" Steve admitted quietly making it near impossible for Tony to hear him. If he had just said that a smidge quieter, Tony would have completely missed it.

"If I said yes then I'd be a hypocrite." They looked at each other with admiration in their eyes and Tony wondered if tonight he would finally get to know what it felt like to kiss Steve in real life. When he dreamt about it, it wasn't nearly as satisfying. Surly the real thing was miraculous and enough to make him go weak in the knees. Just the thought of it made his heart flutter and he had to remind himself to keep walking.

If it weren't so cold out he'd be worried his hands were getting to clammy to be holding Steve's. That'd be a dead giveaway as to how nervous he was right now. As if he hadn't been nervous all day long. If Steve hadn't realized that by now then Tony must have a better poker face than he already believed he had. Especially if someone such as Steve couldn't tell.

They turned onto 34th Street and looked around at their surroundings seeing the Empire State Building a few paces away from them. People were flooding in and out of the doors like products on an assembly line. Who knew that it would be so popular in the end of November _and_ at night? Normally people were going to see Broadway shows around this time of night at this time of year. Even when the city was rampant with tourists, they still found Broadway one of the most interesting places to be at night time. It was certainly more romantic than the Empire State Building, but for a tourist it was more expensive too.

Tony gave Steve's hand a little tug and he pulled him along towards the entrance of the building. If their hands weren't tightly clasped, the crowed would have surely gotten in their way some. Yet they held onto each other tightly – just from not wanting to part each other at all during this date – and refused to separate. The only actual times that they had left each other sides after ice skating was when one of them had to go to the restroom to either use it or wash their hands. Even then it was only a matter of minutes before they were back at each others side and reaching for one another's hand like it held some sort of magnetism.

Once they bought their entrance passes, they headed towards the elevators where a bunch of people stood either talking, holding hands, or reading a map confused. The sight brought a smile to Steve's face and he looked down at Tony who was observing the crowed with curious eyes. Once he felt Steve's eyes on him, though, he looked upward at the soldier and grinned. He gave his hand a gentle squeeze as the elevators reached the lobby.

Everyone began to flood into elevators with each other and not leaving any open space. There was no way Tony was about to get in there and be crammed inside with people he didn't know. Of course it wasn't a personal space issue – he didn't care about that – but it was more so an issue of not getting to be so close to Steve or having to separate from him. The idea made him frown and he looked over his shoulder as another elevator reached the lobby and the doors opened. _Maybe there is a god after all._ He thought smugly to himself.

"Rogers, let's take this one." He said dragging Steve toward the empty elevator with him. "It's like they knew I was going to be here." He pressed the top floor button and shut the doors as quickly as he could so no one else could get in. What could he say? He was selfish. And the last thing he wanted was to share something he had, and that was Steve.

The elevator began to move upward at an accelerated pace forcing Steve to jump a bit. Not only was he still getting used to technology, but never once – not even at Stark Tower – had he been in such a fast moving elevator. It was certainly something new and something to get used to.

Tony leaned back against the wall with his hands in his pockets and a tentative smile on his lips. He watched as Steve regained his momentarily lost balance and stood up straight once again. Normally this would have been taken as insignificant, but something about him being so innocent, so out of time, so gentle and caring about everything made Tony stop for a moment. Steve deserved so much better than him, yet here he was out on a date all around New York City with him having – as he said – the best day of his life. There was something about that that made Tony feel at peace inside. Surly Steve could get anyone he wanted and Tony knew he could find someone ten times better than him – although he'd never admit it – but despite that logic and those facts, he was still here with Tony after three weeks.

"You're amazing." He said very softly and slowly as if not wanting to miss a syllable of the statement. It caught Steve's attention and he looked over at Tony with a dreamy look in his eyes. "Did you know that?"

"I do now." Steve was a light shade of pink and turned his entire body towards Tony who was certainly enjoying the view. "What's that look for?" There was a strange glow in Tony's eyes as he looked Steve up and down slowly.

"What do you mean?" His eyes locked in on Steve's again as a smirk crossed his lips. "This look?" He pushed himself off the wall and stepped up to Steve with his heart beating fast. "Do you not like it?"

"I never said that." Steve took Tony's hands in his and pulled him in closer towards him allowing himself to wrap Tony's arms around his waist. It felt nice to be this close to each other. Despite the fact that they were in an elevator of all places, it was amazing because they were alone with no one to bother them till they reached the top floor in only a matter of a minute or two.

"Maybe it just means that I like you." Tony shrugged letting his arms rest loosely around Steve's waist. Although his hands did move around for a bit to explore how Steve felt. And despite the many layers of clothing he wore, he didn't disappoint. Did he ever?

"You like me? How much?" Steve played enjoying the fire in Tony's eyes begin to blaze. The numbers on the elevator stopped on the top floor and they both turned towards the door as the elevator slowed to a stop.

"A lot." He admitted just as the doors opened. "You deserve better than me though." Quickly, he made his way out of the elevator and headed outside to the observatory deck where everyone was looking over the edge and out on the now illuminated city. Photographers and tourists were snapping pictures left and right as kids looked over the side in awe with a foam statue of liberty hat on their heads. Couples stood by the edge either holding hands or wrapping their arms around each other as they gazed out upon the city before them that seemed so magical in that moment. Who would have thought that a city so crowded and polluted could be so beautiful when looked at from a different perspective? It just went to show how if you looked at life from a different point of view it could be created into something more magnificent that you would ever believe.

Tony walked over to the ledge and looked over the side at the city below. He stood next to a little girl who was holding a book about the city and observing all of New York to the best of her ability since she was so short. He looked down upon her with a smile on his face,

"Can you see well?" He asked.

"Not exactly…" She replied a little bummed out.

"Would you like to see better?" She looked up at him and her face lit up with recognition. Of course she knew who he was, who didn't? Swiftly she nodded and smiled up at him. He crouched down and scooped her up into his arms letting her wrap her tiny arms around his neck and her legs rested around his hip. A gasp escaped her as she gazed down below at the city and watched traffic flow. The lights of Broadway were so bright that it was near impossible to miss. You could see Ground Zero and all the way out to the Statue of Liberty.

"It's beautiful." She whispered biting her tongue and smiling. Tony just smiled and continued to gaze out at the city with her. Steve stood behind him and smiled in awe. How could Tony think he wasn't worth it? Yet there he stood with a little girl he didn't even know and helping her see the city. Most people would consider it creepy or insignificant, but since it was him, it was an entirely different story. And he wasn't doing it to impress Steve or anything, everyone knew he wouldn't do that unless he really wanted to, and he did. There must've been something about the little girl that struck him as extraordinary.

Someone behind them called a name and the little girl turned to see her parents approaching. Tony smiled at them – they were giving him a rather quizzical look – and slowly set her down on her feet. She dashed away to her parents exclaiming how Iron Man helped her see New York City. The excitement warmed his heart and he turned away from the retreating family – who was now looking at him all recognizing him – and back out over the city.

"How can you say I deserve better than you?" Steve approached him and leaned forward against the ledge next to him. "What you just did now seems pretty amazing to me. How can you say that?" He asked.

"Because of everything. You heard me this morning."

"And I told you that I like you this way. I like you just the way you are, and no other way." Tony looked up at him and met his eyes. Steve ran his knuckles down Tony's cheek gently, "You're perfect." He watched Tony's eyes water just ever so slightly at the mention of that. It couldn't be the cold air doing that to him. "And don't try to contradict that or tell me you aren't. In my eye's you're perfect, okay? The world may not realize it, but I do. I always have." It seemed as if everyone around them had either disappeared or left. It was like they were the only two people left on the top of the building. No one was around them in this moment – they had all gone off to a different area of the observatory deck.

"That's the nicest and sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me." He admitted with his voice wavering a bit as if he were about to cry. But even Steve knew he wasn't that dense. But Steve couldn't help but ask,

"Am I really the first person to tell you that?" When Tony didn't say anything, or even budge, Steve furrowed his brows, "Not even Pepper?" At that, Tony began to shake his head. Surely she thought it occasionally, but in the public's eyes, Tony Stark was everything _but _perfect. So naturally she never voiced her opinion if she thought so.

"You're the first." He admitted half excited by that fact, but also depressed. It certainly said a lot about him since no one else thought he was anything but a narcissistic, self absorbed, and self pleasing man who didn't like anyone else. _I like you this way._ Steve's words kept him smiling though. At least someone appreciated him.

"I'm sorry, this is a huge downer, and this is supposed to be a perfect night. So allow me to stop being so pitiful and just shut up for a minute so we can enjoy ourselves." Tony pulled away from Steve and turned back towards the ledge and continued to look out at the city.

"This is a perfect night." Steve said putting an arm around Tony and pulling him close. His right hand found Tony's left and he laced their fingers together lovingly. "A perfect night spent with the perfect man." Tony couldn't help but blush and he looked up at Steve with his eyes dancing in the lights of the city below.

"You must be on drugs, Rogers, but I'm flattered." Steve snorted and shook his head lowering it a bit over dramatically.

"Just accept the compliment, would you?" Tony grinned and bit his tongue shaking his head slightly. "You're stubborn."

"I know. I get that a lot."

"Not enough if you're still doing it." Tony cocked his eyebrows,

"You like it, don't lie." A very slight blush crossed Steve's cheeks and Tony lit up at the sight of that, "You _do _like my stubbornness! Case closed, I win." Steve rolled his eyes and leaned down pressing his forehead against Tony's. The sudden contact shocked him a bit since he didn't know Steve was going to do that, but he certainly wasn't denying it.

"You know, there's something I've wanted to do for a while now, but I just have never found the perfect moment to do it." Those words made Tony's heartbeat accelerate ten fold and he held his breath.

"Care to elaborate?" He asked looking up at Steve who now had his eyes shut.

"I'm not sure if now is the perfect time, either." He smiled teasing Tony.

"Now is as good of a time as any!" The eagerness in his voice was far to noticeable for his own good, but if this was what he thought it was, then he had all the reason to be eager. It might just be a kiss, but it was a kiss with _Steve_! And if it did happen, then it would be crossing a line from friends potentially to lovers if the cards were played right. A line that might just never be able to be crossed back over again.

"Hmm, I don't know." The overly quizzical tone to Steve's voice was making Tony get very antsy. He had even tried to scoot closer to him hoping that the space between them would just close and he could finally know what it was like to kiss Steve, but that was impossible since every time he moved closer, Steve just moved his head a bit.

"You're being more of an asshole now than when you got rid of all my booze." Tony pouted looking towards the side and frowning in a bit of disappointment.

"Maybe I just won't tell you what it is and we can just go home."

"Hell no!" Tony shouted making Steve laugh. Who knew he was so excitable?

"Than apologize." He grinned feeling a bit mischievous and enjoying how easy it was to tease Tony.

"Now look who's stubborn."

"That doesn't exactly sound like an apology to me." Tony narrowed his eyes at Steve – who still had his shut – and sighed,

"Fine, I'm sorry. There, you happy?"

"I never stopped being happy." Steve tightened his hold around Tony's waist and smiled contently.

"Superb, now back to what you were saying earlier." There was a very noticeable hint of rushing in Tony's voice that, naturally, Steve didn't miss. "We don't have all night."

"Oh, trust me; I can draw it out for as long as I please."

"Something tells me you can't."

"Want to bet?" Tony let out a small whine,

"No. Just tell me, come on, this isn't fair." Steve hummed contently and smiled a very tentative smile. "Quit with the smiles and just spit it out already, Steve! You're killing me here."

"Not unless you say please." Steve teased raising his eyebrows.

"Oh, come on! Now you're just being unfair. Do I really have to-" He never got a chance to finish the statement. Midsentence he was cut off and was shocked to see Steve had leaned forward and stolen away his words but shutting him up with a kiss. It took him a moment to react and he just stood in shock for a moment with his hands hovering over Steve's body as he looked at him so intent and lost in the kiss. But once he realized what was happening and what he was doing, he slowly shut his eyes and lowered his hands down around Steve, pulling him closer, and kissed him back.

Neither of them knew how long they stood there lost in the kiss. Hours could have gone by and they would never know, nor would they care. It was tentative and gentle, yet held a longing and a sensation of lust throughout it. In that moment they both realized how long they had wanted this, dreamt of this, and ultimately needed this. They realized how long hey had waited for each other and how long they had needed this for. How long they needed each other. It wasn't everyday this happened.

They both pulled back at the same time when air became a necessity. Their eyes locked on each other realizing that they had both just crossed that invisible line from friends to potential lovers. But when they both smiled up at each other with light laughter escaping them, potential lovers turned into just lovers. Tony pulled Steve closer towards him and leaned his head down on Steve's shoulder.

"Now it's my turn to tell you something." He spoke shyly.

"Anything." Steve whispered. Tony took a moment to collect his thoughts and figure out how to say what he wanted to say – what he needed to say. All he could do was say it and hope Steve felt the same way.

"I'm not sure how strong your feelings are towards me, and I won't know unless you tell me. But the least I can do is tell you how I feel, right?" Steve nodded and waited for Tony to continue. "I probably thought this way the second I met you, I was just too stupid and proud to admit it to myself. Until you came over and found me in the lab, stopped me from doing _so many stupid things_, and helped me through so much, I didn't realize it. But now I do. And the truth is, Steve…" He looked up at the soldier mustering as much love into his eyes as he could – which wasn't hard – and smiled one of the most genuine smiles he had ever bore in his life and simply said, with as much love filling his voice, "I'm madly in love with you."

It was a moment before Steve reacted, and in that moment Tony wondered if Steve was going to be a little shocked, to rushed, or simply disgusted despite the kiss they had just shared moments ago. The silence was killing him, that's for sure. It was rare for Tony to just confess his love so easily to someone. Even this was hard for him, but if he didn't than he knew he would be a wreck.

"Please say something, Steve." He begged suddenly averting his eyes which were now clouded over with worry. His heart rate – which was already fast enough – sped up at an anxious rate as Steve continued to stare down at him. Despite the fact it had only been about thirty seconds, he was still worried beyond belief.

Suddenly, Steve tilted Tony's head back up so he would face him and meet his eyes. There was a gentle look on his face as he caressed the genius's cheek lovingly.

"Don't do that." He whispered referring to the way that Tony was looking away and expecting the worst. There was still gentleness written all across his face and his eyes were dancing with something Tony knew since it was in his as well. And as Steve leaned down and press his lips against Tony's once again in a righteous kiss, he could feel the smile on both of their lips and the blush on Steve's cheeks which he wished he could see.

"I'm madly in love with you as well, Tony." Steve whispered against his lips making a shiver go down the genius's spine. "I've loved you since I first got here." Those words filled Tony with so much undeniable happiness, and since Steve was technically his now, he initiated the third kiss and leaned up to close the space feeling a new fire arise in both of them as the kiss delved deeper and more passionate. Both of them were certain that if they weren't in public it might have been a little more intense than it was, but for the sake of innocent eyes, they kept it as decent as they could.

"Let's go home." Steve broke the kiss and whispered in Tony's ear. The way his breath ghosted on his chilled skin made him shiver with desire and he let out a shaky breath. Not to mention the way that Steve called the tower _home_.

"Let's." Tony agreed pressing one last kiss onto Steve's lips before taking his hand and making their way over towards the elevator. Both of them knew exactly what the other was thinking as they got in the elevator and were crammed as close to each other as close as possible due to the amount of people in the small space: _It's about time._

_**Once again, so sorry this is up so late! But as you can all probably tell by the length, this took me forever to write. I tried to make it as **_**perfect **_**as possible for all of you. It was a joy to write this chapter. And let's be honest, I have only been to New York City three times, so I had a map beside me so I could actually get all the locations accurate! Funny, no? **_

_**So I hope that I didn't disappoint with the kiss (Well it was multiple kisses now wasn't it). I hope you're all very happy that they finally confessed their love and are thinking the same as Steve and Tony: It's about time! **_

_**There is more to come, don't worry. I've been thinking for a while about bringing in the other Avengers, but I'm a bit shaky on that. So tell me, what do you all think of that? Let me know! **_

_**I'll try to have the next chapter up soon, but I have midterms this week so I need to focus on that! Wish me luck! **_

_**I love you all dearly and am enjoying all your lovely feedback, favorites, and follows! It means the world to me. Each and every time I see a new one I smile this very big and overly excited smile and feel and overwhelming happiness. Thank you all! **_

_**Pretty please, REVIEW! Let me know your thoughts so far. I'd love to hear it. **_

_**Happy Reading! **_


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11: Love **

For once, the house didn't seem as oppressive and unwelcoming as it normally did for Tony. For once he could actually walk in there and feel like he belonged. And he had Steve to thank for that. Confessing his love hadn't been easy – his heart was beating at an erratic rate and for all he knew he could have been sweating – but it certainly was worth it in the long shot. Considering the fact that he and Steve were now official, he'd take that as a good thing.

The walk home had been nice. They stood close to each other with their hands laced and just enjoying each others company. Neither of them really spoke, they didn't have to. Instead, they just let their feelings do all the talking, and there certainly were a lot of those. Especially when they kissed. It was like fireworks for both of them, and as cheesy as it sounds, it was true.

In the elevator once they were alone and away from public eye, Tony didn't hesitate to seize the moment and back Steve up against the elevator wall and plant a very deep and passionate kiss on his lips. It was the type of kiss they would have shared atop the Empire State Building had no one else – especially the children who were innocent as innocent got – been around. Instead, he rather would have saved it for now, and he certainly did.

"Geez, Tony…" Steve said feeling his breathing become harder as the kiss grew deeper.

"What, do you want me to stop?" He broke the kiss and looked up at Steve who was beat red. He was half truthful and half teasing. But if Steve was uncomfortable, then he gladly would stop for him. That was the last thing he wanted.

"God, no." Steve quickly reached out and grabbed both sides of Tony's face gently between his hands and crashed their lips together again. A very pleased sound escaped Tony just as the doors opened to the house on the top level. And without breaking the kiss, the both of them walked out of the elevator and back into the living room. Tony didn't waste any time in backing Steve up against the couch making him fall down and sit on the cushiony seat. It wasn't even two seconds before Tony was on top of him straddling his lap and bringing his lips back down to Steve's.

"I'm surprised you're alright with all of this, Cap." He said between kisses as they both shed off their outdoor jackets which were making movement harder. "I never imagined you to be this type of guy."

"I guess I'm full of surprises." He lightly gasped when he felt Tony's hands slide up his shirt and rest on the bare skin of his upper back. A deep chuckle escaped Tony and Steve brought him back down to continue the kiss which seemed to be growing more passionate as they kept adding to the fire.

"It's amazing." He whispered wrapping his arms tighter around Steve's waist and making him sit up so their bodies were pressed together in a very intimate fashion. He felt Steve smile against his lips and he could even feel the warmth of him blushing. It seemed like anything Tony did now could get him to blush. It made him wonder what else he could do to get that to happen. And of course when he flicked his tongue across Steve's bottom lip and let it slide into his mouth, he was very pleased to feel Steve's cheeks grow warmer and feel the soldier hold him closer. So there were hidden dark desires within Steve that Tony hadn't known of until now.

A loud gasp escaped Steve when he felt Tony's hands snake around to his stomach and start to move downward and grab his belt. He broke the kiss and was redder than ever. _Well, that's one way to make him blush,_ Tony thought not even daring to voice it.

"To fast? That's to fast isn't it?" He asked cocking an eyebrow, pushing himself back a bit to observe Steve, and feeling a bit ashamed of himself. It was like him to move fast, and Steve knew that, but he still felt the need to make sure Steve was comfortable. It's not like he wanted to screw this relationship up when it had just started no more than an hour ago.

"What do you think?" Steve let out a nervous chuckle and felt Tony's hands remove themselves from his belt. He held them up in surrender and smiled gently at Steve who was obviously beyond nervous about that. "It's just that I've never been…intimate with someone before. Especially not a man." He felt Tony take his hands in his and watched as the genius rubbed the top of his hands soothingly with his thumbs and nodded in understanding.

"Then we can wait if you want. It's not like it's going to kill us. Well, maybe not _you_, but then again I am known for being a little whore." Steve chuckled and shook his head disagreeing with that. It was the last thing he thought of Tony. "And don't worry, when we decide to be – as you put it – intimate, it will be amazing. Okay? Plus, I love you, so I won't make you do something you're uncomfortable with. Nor will I make you uncomfortable when we decided to do it." They smiled at each other and Tony leaned down pressing a sweet kiss on Steve's more than accepting lips. It amazed him how accepting Tony was and was easily cooperating and giving him time. Something in the last few weeks they spent together had done him some good.

"Thank you, Tony." He said as the brunette got up from his lap and held out a hand for him to take so he could help him up. Steve got to his feet and pulled on Tony's hand so he would pull him in closer and flush against his body. A surprised sound escaped Tony and he looked up at Steve who had his eyes shut in content and a slight smile was forming on his lips.

"You're welcome." He replied happily as Steve released him and snatched his hand once more, pulling him towards the bedroom with him indicating how late it was getting and how they should get to bed. Plus, he still had to shower which would eat up another thirty minutes or so. How Tony wished he could join him. He was determined to rid Steve of his nerves sooner or later.

OOO

It was probably the first time in a week where they had woken up around dawn. Since they had gotten to bed earlier that usual, it wasn't that big of a shock to either of them that they were up at that hour. And with lack of a better reason to stay in bed – other than getting to hold each other close – they decided to get up and start their day. And both of them – much to their happiness – shared a very good morning kiss before they separated and got to their feet.

By the looks of it as Steve made his way out of the bedroom, he was certainly a morning person. Judging by how swiftly he moved after only waking up moments ago, the way he looked, et cetera. Tony found himself wondering if it must be a gift to wake up and just naturally look good like Steve did. Since Tony was rather conceded, he always thought he looked good, but there was no way he was anywhere close to a morning person. Despite the fact that he woke up early most mornings and would drown himself in work, there was no way he could even function without at least three cups of coffee in him, and possibly some booze. Even after a shower – even if it was as cold as ice – he still was like a walking, talking zombie.

So for the past few weeks he had been grateful that Steve had been around and brewed him coffee basically every single morning. Of course he could do it himself, but he loved it when people waited on him and he could just kick back and relax. It was in his nature, there was no denying that. There were just certain things he was lazy with.

"What on _earth_ are you listening to, Capsicle?" Tony asked rather perplexed when he walked out into the kitchen to hear some 1940's swing era sounding song flooding out of the speakers. It also perplexed him that Steve figured out how to work the complex stereo system, but then again he just figured Jarvis helped him out since he was practically technologically inept.

"It just came on." Steve shrugged setting his pencil down and looking up at Tony who had joined him dressed and ready for the day. "The name has something to do with dancing at night. For a modern song, it's quite nice."

"Obviously." Tony chuckled tapping his foot to the beat. It certainly was not his style _at all_, but he couldn't deny that it was catchy. A playful smirk crossed his face and he looked back at Steve who now looked worried. "Do you dance?" He asked holding a hand out and making his way over. "Why am I even asking? You're from the forties, I'm sure swing dancing is just in your nature." He grabbed Steve's hand and practically yanked him out of the chair and brought him over to an open area between the living room and kitchen. At least open enough to dance.

"Actually, no, I don't dance." Steve said nervously trying to get out of the grip Tony had on his hands. "I don't want to step on your toes…"

"Oh, I don't care." He exclaimed waving off Steve's worries. "Plus, now you can learn. This shit should be _programmed_, Rogers." Steve nervously chuckled as Tony tapped a finger against his head and then pulled him closer and started to begin a rather slow modern swing with him. "Isn't this pitiful? I'm from a later generation and I know this better than you do. Shameful."

"My apologies." They smiled and Tony let go of his grip on Steve's left hand and spun him outward. A laugh escaped them both just as he snapped back into place and their hands met again. "Of course you'd want to lead."

"Hey, who's the one who knows how to dance here? That's right, me. Now shut up and dance." He picked up the pace and hummed along to the song. "How did you survive with music like this?"

"I didn't listen to this." Steve laughed trying to hold back a roll of his eyes. "The beat is close to it, but nothing more."

"Still, you'd think you'd start to go slightly insane from the cheerfulness of it all." He spun Steve out under his arm and back again making his face turn slightly pink. It made him laugh and it was impossible to hold back a slightly cocky grin. "You see, if you knew how to dance you wouldn't be going through all this embarrassment."

"You would never let me lead anyway." The statement was all to true and Tony grinned widely up at him releasing his hands as the song ended and nodded. There was no denying that. "I'm more curious as to where you learned to dance like that, though?"

"I've had a lonely life." He shrugged heading back into the kitchen to pour himself a cup of coffee so he could perk up a bit more. Dancing had made him a bit livelier, but not enough.

Steve followed behind him rather slowly and with a concerning look on his face. When Tony looked up from his cup off freshly brewed coffee and saw it, he didn't hesitate to smile and grin widely up at him.

"I love you." He said. Steve made his way across the room and over to his now beaming boyfriend. The coffee mug had barely left Tony's hands before Steve swept him away from the counter and tilted his chip up to steal a kiss. They both smiled into it and Tony suppressed a gasp feeling the desire Steve was putting in the kiss as both of their lips parted and their mouths opened, their tongues meeting and fighting for dominance. Steve won – which utterly shocked Tony, but he wasn't complaining.

"How the hell are you a virgin?" Tony broke the kiss to ask. Steve chuckled and pushed his now – thanks to Tony – rumpled hair back. "I'm serious; I have never met a virgin who kisses like that. Trust me, I'd know. Are you lying to me, Steve? Are you holding out on me?"

"Believe me, I'm not." Steve shut him up and pressed another sweet kiss to his lips.

"You better not be. I can be quite jealous."

"Really now? I would have never guessed that _Tony Stark _could be jealous." Tony sighed and averted Steve's eyes trying not to smile. Everyone knew he was overprotective of what was his. A fact that everyone faced was that he just didn't like to share. It could only make one wonder what he was like as a child. But Steve remembered that Tony hadn't exactly had the best childhood, so before he brought it up, he swallowed his words.

"I have a right to be when it comes to you." He grinned up at the soldier who still seemed too good to be true. "You're mine."

"My God, you're clingy." Steve joked, but it still made Tony purse his lips and turn away blushing. It was a victorious moment for Steve since it was hard to get Tony to blush. Steve on the other hand would blush at anything. Even someone doing something as innocent as complimenting him on something he did got him blushing darker than the color of an apple.

"Something tells me you don't mind." Tony commented once his complexion went back to normal.

"Something tells me you're right." Tony took in a very overly exaggerated gasp of fake shock before he leaned up to kiss Steve again. It was like magnetism. "And I love you too." He whispered against his lips.

After a few minutes, they finally – and sadly – broke apart when breathing became necessary. Although Tony protested and saying,

"Who needs to breathe? Come back here and kiss me." And brought Steve back down to him without hesitation. Who could say no? But when they both mutually decided to part, Tony announced he was going to go down to the lab and work on the suit. It had been to long of a time since he had last been surrounded by his babies and he longed for the touch of technology once again.

Quickly, he practically swaggered away towards the stairs to the lab and left Steve upstairs where he just continued to draw and finish eating. It was in fact only eight in the morning.

OOO

It had been weeks since he had last been down to his lab, so he decided that he should venture down there and get started on some new ideas he had come up with for the suit. He'd found out new ways to make the repulsors fire ten times harder than they already did. It seemed like he never did anything safe, so this wasn't unexpected of him.

It was moments like these that he was grateful that his lab was soundproof. Not only was he creating a ruckus down there and blowing things up, but the loudness of his music was literally making the room shake. It was almost impossible for _anyone_ to work without music, and he was no exception.

"Did you see that?" Tony asked lowering his hand and admiring the wall he had just blasted a hole through.

"Not to shabby, sir." Jarvis replied. "Of course it will be a clean up."

"You should know by now that I don't care. It'll give you lazy bums a chance to get to work." Tony chuckled talking to the robots before firing another shot at the wall opposite of him. "Could use more power, though." He sighed and removed the hand piece before setting it down on the counter and eyeing it curiously.

"Are you sure that is a good idea? It could be dangerous." Jarvis interjected as Tony leaned over his work bench making adjustments to the already overly powerful repulsors.

"Once again, Jarvis, I don't care." He chuckled screwing a plate back onto the hand piece. "It shouldn't matter if it's dangerous or not. It's not like I'm going to be using it on myself anyway. It's for kicking ass, so therefore how can it be dangerous, and why should I, no, _would_ I, care?" He put back on the hand armor and flexed his fingers feeling as if it had loosened up a bit.

"You seem to be prone to destruction." Tony rolled his eyes and fired another round at the wall opposite of him.

"I'm not sure if I am insulted or proud. Because, last time I checked, every time I'm destructive it is for the better."

"Most of the time. Let's not forget your birthday party last year where you destroyed the house in Malibu." There was an undeniable cocky tone to the AI that Tony couldn't deny. Maybe he had programmed emotions into the system when he was drunk or something. He always tended to do crazy things when he was shitfaced.

"That was one time!" Tony argued back not completely sure of that fact. "Rhodey started it anyway. You can't blame all this on me, J." He readjusted a few loose pieces on the hand armor and then looked at the computer screen to enter the adjustments he'd put on the repulsors so it would be applicable to the others as well.

"You were the one who was drunk, sir."

"It was my party, I deserved to be. Plus, I was dying. It was a valid reason to get wasted." He lowered his hand to use the extra help on typing and didn't focus on anything around him other than the computer and his argument with Jarvis – which he believed he was winning. "And who asked you? You did little to nothing while the house collapsed. Isn't it your job to look after the house?"

"It's also your job to make sure it doesn't blow up." Tony lowered his head with laughter taking him over.

"How can you be so cocky? I don't understand!" He brought his hand back up with his back to the direction it was pointed in and made a few extra adjustments to the weapon on the computer hearing the repulsors begin to warm up with extra power. "There, perfect." He announced feeling proud of himself.

"Be careful sir."

"When am I ever?"

"Be sure not to hit-"

"Mute!" The AI went silent and Tony rolled his eyes. "Finally." He turned around just as another round left the hand piece. When it did, he gasped.

"Tony!" The genius's eyes went wide and an ear splitting,

"No!" Escaped his lips when he saw what he had unknowingly aimed towards and fired one of the most powerful beams at. Steve.

Just as the beam made contact with the soldier it sent him flying backward into the glass doors shattering them and sending a loud crash throughout the lab. In horror, Tony watched as Steve flew back into the wall behind him and his head hit the concrete wall with enough force to kill someone. Right below his chest there was a gushing wound – which had already begun to heal due to Steve's healing abilities thanks to the super serum in his body – where the repulsor beam had struck him.

"Steve!" Tony tore the hand piece off of his hand and tossed it onto his workbench not caring if it broke or not at this point. "What did I just do?" He crept through the glass at a slowed pace hoping Steve would open his eyes and look up at him. Even if he started shouting at him, Tony would just be glad he was okay. But with each step he took, it became more and more evident that Steve wasn't budging or opening his eyes anytime soon.

The only sound he heard as he made his way over was the sound of his own heartbeat in his ears. It was erratic, and the sight of Steve lifeless on the floor only made it worse. His knees buckled and he fell down into a pile of shattered glass right beside Steve's unmoving body. With a shaking hand, he reached out and pressed two fingers over a pulse point on Steve's neck. He shut his eyes tight hoping there would still be a pulse as he pressed down on the soft flesh. Much to his joy there was, but it was slower than normal which was peculiar. Once he got over the slight shock of that, he scrambled closer to him and gathered his limp body in his arms and lightly slapped his face trying to get him to come to.

"Steve, damn it, wake up!" He shouted before he looked towards the wall where Steve's head had hit and saw the blood splattered on it. "This can't be happening!" He cried giving Steve another violent shake. "This can't be happening! Not again!" In agony, he lifted Steve closer and buried his face into the soldier's chest which was faintly lowering and rising.

With blurry eyes, he watched as his hand came into contact with the wound on Steve's lower chest. It was healing at an alarming rate, but it was still oozing crimson blood, which was expected. When he lifted his hand from the flesh and saw how much blood coated his hand and felt the warm blood run between his fingers, he had to suppress a scream which was dying to escape. Especially when he brought the hand around behind his head and saw how much blood coated it when he brought it back.

"Jarvis, call a fucking ambulance!" He shouted knowing he could never get Steve to the hospital when he was in this state. He couldn't even bring himself to get up from the floor.

"Yes, sir." Jarvis replied as Tony hunched over Steve still shaking him and trying to get him to come to. It felt like hours that he sat there while Jarvis called for help. All he could do was stare down at what he had done and try and get Steve to wake up. But by the looks of it, his actions were futile, and all he could do was wait.

"An ambulance is on the way, Mr. Stark." Jarvis told him as if trying to be gentle. "They will be here in a few minutes. Would you like me to send them up when they get here?"

"What do you think?" Tony shouted angrily. An inhumane scream escaped him along with a few colorful swear words. "Look what I did!" Again, he buried his face into Steve's chest and was too much in shock to even cry. All he would do was scream over and over again realizing the severity of the situation. The situation that was his fault.

"Agent Barton and Agent Romanov are on their way to the hospital right now. I gave them a call as well." Jarvis told him just as sirens began to approach in the distance. "They are trying to reach Doctor Banner right now." All Tony could do was nod and listen as help approached. He wasn't even mad that Jarvis had called the others. Normally he'd be pissed, but right now he could care less whether they showed up or not.

Upstairs, he heard frantic footsteps and the sound of something rolling over the floor. People frantically spoke incoherently to each other and made their way through the house trying to find Tony. He was too distraught to shout that he was in the lab. But he knew they would find him. No paramedic would just give up when they had someone to find. Instead, he just whispered that he was sorry over and over again into Steve's chest and waited.

"They're down here." A paramedic said calmly up to the others as he descended the stairway. "What the hell happened?" He asked as he took in the scene he had just walked into and saw all the blood on the wall, on the floor, on Tony's hands, and covering Steve. It was enough to shock anyone.

"Help him." Tony mumbled before he looked up at the man who was now being joined by others. "Damn it all, help him!" He'd regained the ability to shout as he got to his feet and glared at the paramedics who were a bit overwhelmed. "Do your fucking job!"

"We are, sir." One of them said as she got down to the floor and began to take Steve's vitals. "We need to get him in now. His cranial damage is severe." She said to the others who were strapping him onto a gurney as quickly as they could. "His vitals don't look to good either. Damn, what happened down here?" She turned towards Tony with accusation flooding her eyes.

"Long story, just get him some help." Tony told her angrily.

"We'll do everything we can." She nodded with her eyes scanning the lab and landing on the hand piece resting on the work bench and the schematics for it on the computer still open. With a stiff nod, she motioned for Tony to follow her. The other paramedics were already on their way of getting Steve down to the ambulance and were about to load him. Hospital staff certainly worked fast with cases like these.

"Follow us to the hospital. You'll probably have some questions to answer when you get there." She instructed him as she got into the elevator with him cramming in next to her.

"Will I get to see him?"

"Probably not until after he gets out of the OR." She replied professionally. "Once he wakes up, though, then you can see him all you would like. As long as he is alright with it." Out of the corner of her eye, she saw his face contort with sadness and remorse. "Who is he to you? Is he just a just teammate to you, or a close friend?" She asked knowing it was important to know for when he woke up. Of course she knew of his status in the Avengers and his affiliation with Tony, but no one got this worked up for just a teammate. Last she heard, the Avenger's weren't the best of friends. Just teammates.

Tony turned to her and pursed his lips not completely sure is he wanted her to be the first person to know of his relationship with Steve, but it was either her or a complete stranger. Or Clint when he got to the hospital. The female paramedic seemed like a more viable option.

"My boyfriend." He shrugged and ran a hand through his hair nervously just as the doors opened and they made their way out. The woman didn't even seem phased by the answer, and she just nodded making note to write that down. "Please, make sure he's okay." She smiled warmly at him as she parted towards the ambulance where Steve was loaded into.

"We will do our best, sir. Follow close." She climbed into the open vehicle and shut the doors just as Tony got a glimpse of the paramedics hooking Steve up to an IV. The sight made him cringe as he got into the nearest car and followed the ambulance out into the busy streets of New York towards the hospital. And as he drove, he felt one cold tear trickle down his cheek.

_Now _this _is my fault._

_**Whelp, I bet you all just want to slap me right now, don't you? Other than the dramatic twist at the end, what did you all think of this chapter? I got it up faster than the others since after my final exams I had time to finish up this chapter, polish it, and post it. Sorry if it seems a tad rushed at the end…does it? Hopefully I can continue getting chapters up this fast, but knowing me, that won't happen. **_

_**I really hope you liked this story and don't hate me for the ending. But let's be honest, once you start to add romance into a story like this, there is only so much you can do before you end it. And naturally it was not where it was going to end. Plus, this is a drama/romance, so it needed more drama. It was losing that touch in my opinion. Sorry if it upset some of you, but I promise it's for the best! **_

_**Pretty please REVIEW and let me know your thoughts so far on this. It would mean the world to me. All your love and enthusiasm towards this story makes me so happy and always makes me smile, so thank you all so very much! I love each and every one of you so very much! **_

_**Happy Reading! **_


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12: Hospital **

"You _shot _him? _Shot him?_" Clint shouted at Tony while they sat in the waiting area of the hospital. The nurse had given them strict orders that even though Steve was in a room in the ICU and resting that they couldn't go in and visit him. He needed to rest, and he wasn't waking up either. They had him hooked up to many machines to make sure his vitals were in good condition, and they were, and keep him alive. Despite that and the fact that his wounds had healed, he was still unconscious and in a coma.

"Shut up." Tony grumbled from in one of the chairs in the waiting room. His head was being supported by his hands which were resting on his knees. His face had very minimal tear stains since he was still in shock of all that he did. Although when he got to the hospital it was becoming more and more clear as to how severe it all was. Especially since Steve was now in a coma.

"Why did you shoot him?"

"I didn't know, damn it!" He shouted looking up at Clint who sat across from him. It was now around ten at night and Natasha had gone off to get them all something to drink and try and get Tony some painkillers for a massive headache he was experiencing from all of this. "I wasn't paying attention to the fucking door; I was paying attention to my work!"

"Okay, no need to shout." Clint held up his hands in defense just as Natasha came back with a tiny paper cup of pills, a few cups of coffee, and a plate of pasta that looked a little less than appetizing.

"Seriously, keep it down. You'll wake up the other patients." She set down the coffee cups and handed Tony the plate of pasta and the paper cup of pills. "Take these and please just shut up."

"Don't tell me what to do. And don't hand me things, you know I have a peeve."

"Don't tell _me _what to do, Tony. Because quite frankly, I don't care about your peeve." She was beyond cranky and pissed off about the whole situation. They were just lucky they weren't in the middle of a mission or a war, because without Captain America, they were one man short. "Take the medication." She sat down in the chair next to Clint and buried her face in one of her hands.

They sat in silence for a few minutes just sipping coffee and trying to calm down. Tony absently ate the pasta that Natasha had gotten for him, but it wasn't filling in the slightest. It was like eating air. Eventually he just set it aside and bounced his leg nervously as he sipped his coffee. His headache began to subside ever so slowly with each passing minute, but each minute that went by just made him antsier. But by the looks of it, Clint was too tired to worry, and Natasha was worry free. Clint had fallen asleep and Natasha was reading a magazine that looked a few months old.

Finally, Tony stood up and pushed his chair back in frustration letting a hushed, "Damn it." escape his lips. Natasha looked up from the magazine and cocked an eyebrow in confusion.

"You alright there?" She asked setting down the magazine all too happily. It must not have been all that interesting.

"Oh, just dandy." He hissed running his fingers through his messy hair. His hands were shaking slightly as he tried to calm down, but that effort was useless. There was no way he was calming down. Not now.

"We can probably visit him in a couple of hours." She said calmly.

"It's ten thirty at night, Natasha! He's not waking up any time soon!" Clint jumped awake at the sound of Tony's angry shouting. Very irritated, he rubbed his eyes and glared up at Tony who was nervously pacing the floor.

"Okay, Stark, calm down. We get it, you feel bad because you shot him, but there's no use in worrying yourself _sick _over this. We can only wait until he wakes up, but other than that, you need to relax. He's a super soldier, he'll be fine." Clint grumbled.

"He's in a fucking coma; he's not going to be fine!" Tony shouted feeling like he wanted to rip his hair out. "You'd be the same way if it was Natasha, admit that."

"Natasha and I have also known each other longer and have a better relationship than you and Steve. Last I checked, you're not his biggest fan. One would think you'd take this as an opportunity to be rid of him."

"Last I checked, I'm in love with him!" It seemed as if the whole hospital went silent. All the EKG machines seemed to stop beeping, no one was walking through the halls, and you could drop a pin and hear it. Although that wasn't true, neither of them could believe their ears. But Tony didn't care about their shock and went on to say, "And he's in love with me." Upset and angry, he sat back down in the chair he was sitting in earlier and put his face in his hands which were shaking.

Unsure of what to say, both Clint and Natasha just exchanged looks as if speaking with their eyes. Neither of them had seen Tony since the attack on New York City, and all they knew about what happened with him and Steve was that Steve was watching over him after Pepper's death. It was news to them – news to everyone – that Tony and Steve were in love with each other.

"We weren't even together for twenty four fucking hours, and I ruined it like I ruin everything else that holds even the slightest importance to me." Natasha, unsure of what to say since she was thinking how true that was, turned to Clint with her jaw dropped deciding she'd let him do the talking.

"He'll wake up from this, and then you'll be back together with him." Clint said shaking his head in pity for Tony. It seemed as if nothing had been going right for the poor man in front of him. He was just a disaster waiting to happen.

"What if he doesn't wake up? There are cases of people never waking up from comas. You weren't there to see the damage, okay? His _blood _was _splattered_ on my walls _and _on me. I'm pretty sure there was an indent on his head and I crushed his brain or something."

"If you crushed his brain, I'm sure they would have told us by now, no offense." Tony glared up at Clint who just shrugged. "Look, he's a super soldier. The force of him crashing into the wall should have killed him, but it didn't. Anyone one else and they would be dead, and you'd be planning their funeral as we speak. Even if the blow put him into a coma, he'll be awake again. Not all of us are gifted with crazy healing abilities, but he is. Trust me, he'll be okay." By the end of his reassuring speech, Tony had buried his face back into his hands and was trying to calm his breathing.

"Clint's right, Tony. There's nothing we are going to be able to do by just sitting here in a waiting room. The only thing that's going to do is make us cranky and make you more upset than you already are. I say we all just go home and get some sleep." Natasha perked her eyebrows up as if trying to convince him when he lifted his head and leaned back in the chair. A drawn out sigh escaped him and he held her eye contact.

"There's no way I'm sleeping tonight, you can count on that."

"You'd be surprised." Clint said, and is if on cue let out a yawn to indicate how tired he really was. "Tasha and I will head back to HQ and get some sleep there. You on the other hand should go home and just take a few deep breaths and sleep. We can all meet back here tomorrow as early as you'd like so you don't throw a hissy fit and come to HQ to strangle me in my sleep." The comment got a light chuckle out of Tony since he knew it was all to true. And out of all of them, of course he'd pick Clint to strangle.

"I have a feeling their going to kick us out soon anyway…" Tony sighed catching a glimpse of one of the nurses angrily look in their direction. He figured that was directed mainly towards him since he'd been shouting not to long ago. It must have woken up some of the patients. Hopefully none of them were hard to manage, because then he'd be to blame.

"Exactly. So let's all just get up and go." Natasha got to her feet before she even finished her statement and tossed her cup of coffee into the trash bin across the room. Clint scoffed knowing he could do better, but he wasn't finished with his drink yet.

"We'll meet you back here around six tomorrow morning, okay? If he's up, he's up, but if not, you're paying for breakfast." Clint jabbed Tony in the chest with his pointer finger. "We'll be going to IHOP, and I don't want to hear any complaints."

"We'll get you a kids menu while we're at it, Clint." Natasha laughed.

"That's all I ask. And some smiley face rainbow M&M pancakes; that'd be great." For the second time, he got a chuckle out of Tony, but there was still pain behind it. Clint noticed and pat him on the back as they made their way towards the exit. "Hang in there, buddy." Tony nodded and they parted ways to go retrieve their cars and head home. All Tony could think about though was the way Steve screamed his name in horror as the beam came towards him right before it shot him. He knew it was going to be a terrible night, and probably filled with nightmares.

OOO

The night was long, and seemed to go on forever. It seemed as if the sun would never rise, the wind would never stop, and the pain would never cease. All night Tony sat awake in the living room with the gentle hum of the television filling the air. As if he were even paying attention to it, but it would be a miracle if he could pry himself from the couch and make his way to the bedroom to get some sleep. But by the looks of it, and the fact that even by three o'clock in the morning he still wasn't asleep, there was no doubt in his mind that he'd be watching the sunrise.

Once or twice he dozed off only to fall into a horrific nightmare that only roused him once again. When he awoke, he was in a cold sweat and shaking uncontrollably groping the seat beside him for someone else to be there. Someone else to help him or sooth him and tell him it was alright; that it had all just been a dream. But when he came up short, it didn't surprise him. He knew no one was there or was going to be there. Somehow, though, he found himself wishing this was all some terrible nightmare he was having. But no matter how many times he pinched himself or slapped himself, he wasn't waking up.

It took all he had to hoist himself up from the couch around five in the morning to go shower. With the little sleep he had gotten, it was a shock that he was even moving about now. But there was a small hint of motivation in him: maybe Steve was awake. Although as he stood under the boiling water of the shower, he couldn't help but somehow doubt that Steve was awake and mobile again. That thought brought more fear and remorse into his mind, and all he could think about was how this whole issue was his fault. If he had been watching what he was doing, Steve would be awake, they would be together, and he would be _happy._ This time, it really was his fault. _He _shot Steve; _he _put Steve into the hospital. It was as simple as that.

Even as he dressed, his hands shook and he could barely even button up his shirt without fumbling and messing up over and over again. His breathing was even choppy, and he felt as if any minute he would collapse and just slowly die where he fell. If it weren't for the small glimmer of hope that Steve would wake up, he was sure he wouldn't mind that idea. There were cases where people were in comas for months at a time. Tony knew he wouldn't be able to survive that long without Steve. He could hardly take care of himself as it was! As sad as that was, it was true. And right now he found him wanting to kick himself because of it.

The clock on the wall of his garage read that it was five fifty in the morning. It filled a feeling of dread in him as he climbed into one of his sleek sports cars and buckled in. His shaking hands firmly gripped the steering wheel as he pulled out and turned onto the main road. Normally he would be breaking all laws and speeding down the road as fast as he could, but today he found himself driving slower than normal. Slow enough to make it so he showed up at the hospital – which was only fifteen minutes away – at six twenty five. He knew Clint and Natasha were there – he'd seen their car in the parking garage – and that they'd be mad he was late. It was him who had wanted to be there so badly last night. But at this point he didn't care.

Slowly, he climbed up the stairs to the doors of the main level of the hospital. Even in the garage, the scent of bleach and medication clouded the atmosphere. Normally, the scent calmed people since they knew that hospitals helped them get better, but the scent only set Tony on an edge. Hospitals were also where people died.

He pushed open the doors to the hospital lobby and looked around slowly with his sleep heavy eyes. If it weren't for the familiar sound of Clint shouting,

"Halleluiah, he's finally here." Tony was sure he wouldn't have seen them. He focused in on both of them and slowly made his way over as they stood up. Natasha was eyeing him up and down curiously with a crease of worry in her forehead.

"You don't look to well." She said as he joined them. "Are you okay?"

"I've been awake all night." He scanned both of them with his eyes as he spoke deeply and hoarsely. "I didn't get more than an hour of sleep, and even that's good considering all I had were nightmares." Upset, he sat down in one of the chairs and leaned back shutting his eyes. "Before you tell me, let me guess, he is still in the coma." He asked barely audible.

"The doctors said he's improving…" Clint hoped that would lighten the now darkened mood. "Since he heals at alarmingly fast rates, he could wake up any minute." Tony shook his head knowing that wasn't about to happen. At least not today. It would be a miracle if Steve woke up now.

Natasha looked down at him pitifully. "Do you want to go grab some breakfast?" She asked remembering how the decided to go out and eat if Steve still hadn't woken up by the time they got there. Once more Tony shook his head, but this time, he leaned forward burying his face in his hands and taking deep breaths.

"I just want all of this to be fucking over."

"Tony, it's just been one day." Clint, feeling rather sympathetic, sat down beside him and tried to get a look at his face, but that effort was useless.

"It hasn't just been _one day._" He snapped. "I've been living in hell for almost a month now, and when I'm finally starting to come back out of hell, I'm thrown right back into it by my own doing." Clint sighed not wanting to say anything to that. He knew most of it was true, although he didn't think Tony should completely blame himself for what happened.

"You can't keep beating yourself up about things, Tony." Natasha said crossing her arms. "Although he's in a coma, you can't just stop living. You need to carry on, and one day he'll wake up again. And he'll wake up soon, believe me."

"How do you know?" He growled lifting his head. It was obvious he was holding back a lot of sorrow.

"Because, he Captain America. He woke up from seventy years of being frozen in ice, I'm sure he's going to survive this. _This _is minor compared to that."

"Maybe so, but it's still _my_ fucking fault. And to me, _that_ isn't minor." He leaned back in the chair once more and tried to steady his breathing. Clint opened his mouth to speak, but Tony shushed him and said, "Don't try to say it isn't, because this time it really is my fault. _I _shot him. _I'm _to blame."

"And if he loves you like you say he does then he'll forgive you when he wakes up." Natasha said tilting her head to the side. "You can't blame everything on yourself, and sitting here moping, staying up all night, and being bitter isn't going to make the pain go away any faster. You need to just keep living normally. Only I'm sure most of your days will be spent here visiting him. Other than that, though, just _carry on._ One day he's going to wake up." Tony looked up at her for what felt like ages. As she spoke, her words sinking in, a gentle smile began to spread across his face. Not only was he shocked by her sympathy, but he knew it was true. And when Steve did wake up, he would forgive him. Hopefully.

"Okay." Was all he said with the smile still dormant on his face. She smirked in response glad he took orders so well this time. Normally he didn't do that.

"Now let's go get breakfast." Clint jumped up from the seat. "IHOP, no questions."

OOO

For the next week, Tony would wake up every morning around eight and head to the hospital by ten when visiting hours were open. Until four, he would stay in Steve's room by his bedside gentling cradling the unconscious man's hand in his and either talking to him, reading, watching TV, or working on a project or new ideas for the suit on his iPad. Sometimes he would catch up on missed sleep and it would just feel better to take a power nap next to Steve. His presence made it easier, but Tony wished he could hear his voice again.

He was hardly bitter when he visited. Doctors and nurses would come in to check on Steve and they would sometimes end up staying and talking for a few extra minutes. Despite how sad he was, he was quite pleasant to be around during the day. And no matter how antsy he would get from sitting in one spot all day, he would be content and stay. Even though Steve was unconscious and couldn't speak or even move, he was still great company. And it overjoyed Tony to hear how much he was improving with each day. It made him anxious to know if Steve would ever wake up with him there.

Natasha and Clint came and visited for about two hours each day. Of course they wanted to check on how Steve was doing – they also had to report back to Fury – but they also were making sure Tony was doing all right. Each time they checked he seemed to be okay, so when they left, they were worry free.

Bruce even got on a flight to visit for a couple of days. It had been a while since he saw anyone, and considering how emotionally unstable Tony probably was, he wanted to make sure his friend was alright. It lightened Tony's mood and he actually had someone to talk to for a few days that wasn't a nurse, or Clint and Natasha. And also, Bruce stayed with him back at the tower – also to keep him out of harms way – so it was nice to have him around and actually care for Tony. But once his visit was up, he had to leave again to get back to work. Although he knew he'd be keeping in touch more often after that. There was no way he was going to hear about Tony trying to take his life again. That was too much for him to even think about.

On the end of the seventh day – his seventh visit – right after Clint and Natasha left, the nurse came in to see how Steve was doing and how Tony was doing as well. Recently they had moved Steve from ICU into the main hospital so he had a more private and quiet room. They knew if they kept him around all the noise, he might be a bit agitated when he woke.

"Afternoon, Mr. Stark." She said after she wrote a few things down on her clipboard and changed Steve's IV drip. "How are you doing today?"

"As well as can be expected." He shrugged setting down a book he'd been reading. There was nothing else to do, and he was quite frankly getting bored of hospital television. "How about yourself?" While she wrote down a few more things on her clipboard as Tony reached out and took Steve's hand in his.

"I'm great, thank you." She said lowering the clipboard and hugging it to herself. "He's looking much better today. Best he's looked in a week." She noted nodding at Steve who still looked the same as he did the first day, only his wounds were gone and the plastic brace he wore around his neck the first few days had been removed.

"You say that everyday." Tony smirked rubbing his thumb across the skin atop Steve's hand.

"There's something different today. His vitals are great, his wounds are completely gone, the cranial damage he had when he came in is gone, from the scans there doesn't seem to be anything wrong with his brain, and he just looks healthier." She shrugged letting her arms fall. Tony nodded looking Steve up and down and not seeing much of a change. "Mr. Stark, I don't usually do this, but…" She looked over her shoulder at the shut door and then quickly turned back towards Tony, "Since he's in a single room and it's not going to be bothering anyone else, and I'm working all night, so naturally I don't mind, how about you stay here a little longer? You just have to be gone by midnight." A kind smile spread across her young face and he stared at her a moment before saying,

"Thank you." In a hushed tone. She nodded quickly, and turned around on her heel towards the door to leave. It only made Tony wonder how much better Steve was _actually_ doing tonight.

OOO

The sound of the EKG machine filled the whole room. The assisted breathing machine was still pumping oxygen into him and the sound of his breathing was louder than normal because of it. After a while, people in the hospital would get used to the sound of it. Tony had finally gotten used to it after a few days of being there. At first it was rather alarming because every time it made a sudden change, he jumped and thought Steve was finally waking up, but his hopes were crushed when he would look over and saw nothing had changed.

It had become easy to fall asleep to the sound of the EKG in the background. It wasn't bothersome anymore, and it was – in a way – soothing now. At least it let him know Steve was still alive and doing well. It hadn't changed since he was allowed access to visit. Maybe a slight change here and there, but that was normal. Either way, it meant his heart was still beating, and that meant he was alive.

Sometime around ten o'clock, Tony had laid his head down to rest. He had just gotten back from eating a terrible meal in the hospital cafeteria, and it seemed to put him to sleep like they had put sedatives in it. Whenever he slept during his visits, he was nightmare free and got better sleep than when he was at home. It didn't bother him how much time it wasted since there wasn't much he could do when he was awake anyway. He had probably watched the same movie about three times during his time spent there, so he was kind of sick of television, reading, and working. Soon enough, he was sure he'd be sick of sleeping. Then he really would have nothing to do.

He hadn't even been asleep for more than thirty minutes when something changed. Suddenly, the sound in the room grew louder. Normally, it wouldn't bother him, he'd just think it was some fault in the equipment, but it normally didn't last long. If he was asleep, he usually missed it, but this time it woke him up.

He lifted his head and looked up at the EKG machine which had suddenly gotten much faster and obnoxious. At first he was worried – maybe it was cardiac arrest – but once he looked closer at the monitor, he realized it was just a pick up in Steve's heart rate. Confused, he slipped his hand out of Steve's and rubbed at his tired eyes to see if he was just to tired to know what was really happening, but after a few moments it was clear that the heart rate had suddenly picked up.

He leaned over Steve with a confused look on his face and heard faint sounds of his breathing growing louder and faster. In amazement, he smiled a bit and asked in a gentle voice,

"Steve, can you hear me?" There was no response – naturally considering he had assisted breathing. "Can you?" His hope was slowly fading after moments of waiting for a response. If it was another fault in the machines mechanics, he was about to get up and leave. Every time it did that, it gave him false hope, and it was beginning to tick him off. "Who am I kidding?" A sigh escaped him and he slowly turned his back on Steve's bed realizing he should probably get going. Sadly, he walked over to the door and grabbed his coat off of the hook on the back of it. Leaving always made him sad.

Just as he was about to slip on his coat, behind him he heard a muffled sound. It sounded like someone was trying to speak. Someone who had something blocking their throat and preventing speech. With eyes wide and his breath shaky, he turned around as slow as possible towards the bed to look at Steve.

"Steve…" His name left his lips like it was the first word he had spoken in years. On the bed, Steve was still lying down like he had been all week, only his head was turned towards Tony. Normally it wouldn't faze Tony, he'd just adjust his head, but something caught his attention. Steve's eyes were open. "You're awake!" His coat fell from his hands forgotten on the floor by the door. He quickly hurried over to Steve and held up his hands in bewilderment, "You're finally awake." Steve nodded slowly as he stared up at Tony with wide eyes. "Oh, let's get that fucking thing off of you so you can speak…" He frantically pressed the nurses call button knowing that she would be there quickly. In all his time there, he hadn't once pressed that damned thing. And she told him to only use it in emergencies. They didn't want the whole hospital freaking out and thinking that Steve woke up and pressed it himself.

"What is it, Mr. Stark?" She asked bursting in the room with a worried expression on her face. He didn't even have to say anything, all he had to do was move aside for her to see that Steve was awake and looking at her with the same wide eyed look he had given Tony. A gentle smile broke across her lips, and she scurried over. "Good evening, Mr. Rogers. Nice to see you awake again." She said cheerfully as Tony moved aside for her to remove the breathing apparatus. "Speak gently when I take this out; it's going to hurt a bit." She said lifting it off of his face and slowly pulling the tube out of his throat. The gagging sounds worried Tony, but it was expected. Unless a person had no gag reflex, it would be surprising if they didn't gag.

She set the breathing apparatus down on a tray beside the bed and shut off the machine so it would stop pumping oxygen. "How are you feeling?" She asked gently.

"My head hurts…" His voice was very hoarse, and his breathing was adjusting back to normal. Other than that, Tony was thrilled to hear him speak again. No matter how tired he sounded.

"That's expected. You've been in a coma, sir." She wrote down some things onto the clipboard that never seemed to leave her hands and handed him a paper cup of water.

"How long?"

"A week." All he could think was that thank God it wasn't seventy years again.

"What happened?" He asked worried. Was he in a fight or something? Did he lose a battle?

"You don't remember what happened?" It was like she was talking to a sad child. Her voice dropped a few octaves and she sat down beside him in the chair Tony was occupying earlier. Steve shook his head and then looked up at Tony with a confused look on his face. Tony smiled fondly down at him and took a step forward,

"I'm so happy you're awake." He reached down for Steve's hand, but Steve just pulled it back slightly and curled his fingers inward. Confused, the smile fell from Tony's face and he frowned, "What's wrong? Are you mad at me?" He was suddenly worried Steve remembered everything and about how he shot him. He'd be mad too if he were in Steve's position.

"Why would I be mad at you?" He asked shaking his head.

"Well, considering what happened…" Steve lowered his eyes to his hands and he stared at them for a moment before shaking his head indicating that he still had no clue what happened to him.

"Do you have any questions?" The nurse asked sweetly and concerned as she leaned forward towards him. Her voice was still gentle, like she was talking to a scared animal. Steve nodded and lifted his head up to look at Tony again. The happy grin on the genius's face had now fallen to a worried broken smile.

"Yes." He said.

"You can ask anything you'd like." She said pulling out a pencil to write on the clipboard if she needed to. Steve cocked his head to the side as he observed Tony and Tony observed him. Finally, he opened his mouth and asked a question that made all the color drain from Tony's face and his smile shatter,

"Who is he?"

_**Jeez I have a lot of free time lately. I realize that this chapter probably either made most of you really sad, angry, unhappy, et cetera, but this is a drama, so it's not always going to be sunshine and rainbows – although that would be rather amazing! Please don't hate me! Just think of it this way: at least the story can continue. Hopefully there are some of you who really like this plot twist! I was really uneasy about posting the last chapter and after it was up I reconsidered it, but it was obviously too late to reconsider. So please let me know your thoughts on this chapter and the plot twist, they'd mean a lot to me! **_

_**Pretty please REVIEW! As always, thank you so much for all your love, it constantly makes me smile and feel so much happier, so thank you. **_

_**I will try to have the next chapter up as quickly as I can. Like I said, I have a lot of free time lately. And I promise, it can only get better from here, so don't hate me just yet! There is more romance, drama, and of course fluff to come, my lovely readers, so brace yourselves! **_

_**Happy Reading!**_


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13: Readjust **

It was somewhat like living with a confused five year old. Getting them to adjust to their surroundings and adapt to everyday life is one of the toughest tasks to overcome. It's the same thing when it comes to dealing with amnesia. You slowly have to get the person to adjust to daily life and figure out how they lived before, depending on the severity of the amnesia. If they forgot their whole life, it would be a problem, but if they only forgot a small amount, then it was easier.

Steve forgot most of his life outside of the ice. The only things he remembered were his apartment, the year, Nick Fury, Phil Coulson, and Natasha Romanov. Everything else was wiped clear from his memory. There was very little he remembered about The Avengers. All he knew was that Fury had talked to him about it at one point or another. He didn't have the slightest conception who anyone on the team was, except for Natasha. Nor did he remember fighting Loki or the attack on New York City.

It wasn't even twenty four hours after he woke up that he was allowed to go home. After they ran a few tests and made sure he was stable, they released him. Of course they were uncertain as to whether or not he would be stable and well enough to go out on his own and readjust to normal life without someone there to guide him. Their first choice was Natasha since she was the only one out of all of them who he remembered, but much to everyone's surprise, she declined. She claimed there was no way she'd be able to watch after him considering all the missions she'd been being assigned to. And not only did that answer rule her out, but it also ruled Clint out. And since Coulson was dead and Fury was to busy to deal with this, that left only one other option, unless Steve wanted to completely leave New York City – which he wasn't about to do.

Tony.

Up until the moment that Steve walked up to him in the lobby – Tony had been sitting with his head down in his hands trying to bottle up his emotions – and asked him when they were going, he had no idea Steve was going to live with him again. In a way, it was dreadful to him. How could he live with Steve again when the man couldn't even recollect who he was in the slightest way shape or form? The only thing he knew about him was his last name, but that was because he had known Howard back in the forties! Other than that, he was certain Steve could care less about who _he _was. All he was to him was the son of Howard Stark, and a fellow teammate. And there was a thing about teammates: You don't have to like them, but you need to get along.

There wasn't a doubt in his mind that that was exactly what Steve was going to do.

It wouldn't be the same at the tower. It never would be until Steve got his memory back, and even that was a fifty, fifty chance. The doctors had even clarified that with him. They said the velocity at which he had hit his head might have caused permanent damage, but Steve didn't have the same body as a normal person, so they couldn't be sure of it. Any normal person and it probably would have left much worse damage than just amnesia if they hadn't died on the spot.

The thought was disheartening to Tony. Despite the amount of conversation Steve tried to hold with him, he always found a way to end it and make an uncomfortable silence take over once more. Well, uncomfortable for Steve. Tony preferred it to be quiet considering the man he was talking to was a stranger now. The conversations they had before ceased to exist, the moments they shared were nothing but memories to Tony, but lost to Steve. And the love they had…well, that was gone. It was like it had never happened, and it might as well not have.

Their first kiss was a dim memory to Tony now. Now it was nothing otherwise insignificant considering it was all gone. All the magic, the romance, and the spark that used to exist between them were extinguished. The happy memories now shut off completely to Steve, and if Tony ever brought them up, he was sure the soldier would take him for crazy.

All the nights they had spent together in each others arms were no better than dreams to Tony now. It was as if they never even happened and they were just one of the dreams he used to have about Steve, only now they seemed less fulfilling to him considering all that had happened. And it only made things worse when he remembered this was his fault. His doing. If he had just been more careful, if he had just looked over his shoulder _once _before he shot, then maybe Steve would still know how to genuinely say _I love you, Tony. _

Showing his emotion to Steve used to be easy, now it took all he had to hold back tears when he told Steve to use his guest room down the hall to sleep. Under different circumstances he would have had Steve come back to join him in his bedroom. The bedroom he used to consider _theirs. _But now that was nothing but a distant memory shot down by none other than Tony himself. And each time he remembered that detail, he felt a slight pang in his chest and he'd subconsciously place a hand over his heart and let the warmth of the arc reactor slip through his fingers. And that feeling only made him wonder how someone with a metal heart could experience heartbreak twice in the time span of less than two months.

There was no reasoning with him. It was like he was a child again as he locked himself up in his room right after they got home. Even when Steve offered to make dinner for the two of them, he refused. It'd hurt too much to even have Steve make him something as simple as a dinner, and that was saying something! Instead he stayed locked away in the confines of his room sitting in the center of what used to be their bed and alienated himself from everything else.

And all the while he couldn't stop thinking; _at least he won't have to see me cry…_

OOO

Maybe if he had a little help, things wouldn't be so rough for him. Trying to complete a task as simple as making dinner might as well have been a mission to mars for him, because Tony Stark's technological kitchen was far to advance for him to understand. All though he was well aware that nowadays a monkey could operate the technology in the kitchen, but those monkeys were at least from the twenty first century. Being from the forties had its ups and downs, and not knowing how to use modern day technology was one of the downs. From what little he remembered, he knew it had taken him a solid week to learn how to use a household phone and a cell phone. Although he was still shaky on the whole _smart phone _concept, so he figured he'd never get used to it. That thought did make him wonder if he did know how to work them before this accident.

Natasha told him what had happened before he left the hospital with Tony. It certainly clarified why Tony was with him when he woke up and why he was so worried that Steve was mad at him. Although Steve wasn't mad at him for what he did because he didn't even know the man! At least now he didn't. Natasha had also told him that he and Tony were living together when the accident happened. Apparently Tony had been suffering with some serious depression, PTSD, and a multitude of mental wars he was having with himself after Pepper's death. She said Fury had put him in charge of taking care of Tony, but for the life of him, Steve couldn't remember that. But it certainly explained why his clothes were at Tony's house when they got there.

Natasha did leave out a very crucial fact of Steve's life that he was still blind to: His and Tony's relationship. So Tony's actions baffled Steve a bit since he thought that they were barely friends. Someone who was barely friends with someone didn't stare off blankly into the distance while the other talked, and obviously hold back tears, nor did they shut themselves up in their room for the remainder of the day. Yet with all the clues Tony seemed to send indicating his and Steve's relationship, the soldier was none the wiser.

As of now, none of it was real anymore, so there was no point in him even knowing, or even caring for that matter.

It was the least of his concerns in this moment as well. All he was focused on was not setting Tony's house on fire while he tried to make himself some dinner. He was also focusing on his surroundings and trying to take in everything about Tony's house on the top level. Since they had to take an elevator up here, he knew there were other rooms on the other levels, but he just didn't know what they held. Even this level was overwhelming, and it was just a house! It made him wonder how much else he would have to take in and be plagued by when he started to get out in the world again to remember, or try to remember, his former life.

He kept his dinner simple, something easy to make and if it lit on fire it'd be easy to extinguish – grilled cheese. He couldn't remember the last time he had grilled cheese – which was kind of ironic – perhaps he was younger. Although he did burn the edges a bit, but electric stoves were beyond his understanding. He was still trying to understand how food could cook from that red glowing light, but he didn't want to find out how hot it really was, so he kept his distance while it cooled off. Instead, he just slid each sandwich onto two plates, and left the kitchen content and victorious in his minor achievement. He considered it a small step towards readjusting to modern day society.

He carried both plates into the living room and set one down on the coffee table in front of the couch. Just one look at all the technology in Tony's living room made him cringe. There was no way he was getting that television to turn on anytime soon. Not with the amount of remote controls strewn about the room. He figured he had to use at least five of them to get the television on, and by the looks of it, there were ten remotes, but he had no idea what any of them went to.

Instead of battling with technology, he turned his back on the far to complicated television set up, and with the second plate in hand, made his way down the hallway to the room he knew was Tony's. If the door wasn't shut, he was sure he'd have no clue which room was his.

Ever so lightly, he knocked on the door and leaned towards it a bit. It made him feel slightly like a doting parent or house wife the way he cooked the man dinner, that he probably wouldn't even want, but he couldn't let him starve.

"Tony, I made you dinner if you're hungry." He said somewhat nervously. It was like a shy student speaking to their teacher for the first time. Awkward and uncomfortable, and that's exactly how he sounded.

"I told you I wasn't hungry…" Tony muttered from behind the closed door. It was a marvel how Steve heard him.

"You need to eat something." He took the doorknob in hand and twisted it so the door would open. All this time he thought Tony had locked it, but it had been open the whole time. "Come on, you need to get some food in you."

"I've gone days without eating proper food, this won't kill me." Tony's back was to the door, and he was sitting on the edge of the bed looking out the window at the falling snow. He remembered how Steve hinted his love for him using the snow as a metaphor before this whole incident. Maybe that's why it had been mesmerizing him for the past hour. Not to mention that he and Steve shared their first kiss in the snow.

"That's not funny, Tony." Steve spoke firmly as he set the plate down on one of the nightstands.

"It wasn't meant to be." Gradually, Tony turned around to face Steve with a blank look on his face that had occupied it ever since they left the hospital. At least it did when he was in Steve's presence. When he was on his own, he let the mask fall away and he'd finally feel the pang of heartbreak at full blast.

"Please just eat." He pointed towards the food with a lazy hand and let it slap back down to his side. "You'll probably feel better after you do." Tony slowly rolled his eyes which landed on the grilled cheese sandwich sitting on his bedside table.

"Who put you in charge of me?" He said reaching over and talking the plate in his hands. Disappointed, he looked down at the less than filling meal on his plate. "Damn, Rogers, you are certainly a five star chef." He had hoped the comment would make Steve laugh, but instead when he looked up – actually smiling for the first time – he was met with a kind of pissed off look from Steve.

"Just be grateful I actually cooked for you." Without another word, Steve turned on his heel and left the room shutting the door a little louder than he probably should have. Tony had gotten up exclaiming for him to _hold on_, but naturally, Steve didn't listen. And with that, the smile on Tony's face faded.

He looked down at the sandwich that was now growing cold on his plate and took a deep shuddering breath. Shaking his head, he wondered what he said wrong. Steve normally would laugh at that and come back with some snappy comment, so why didn't he? A soft curse escaped his lips and he slid the plate rather loudly down onto the nightstand before flopping back down onto the bed and burying his face into his hands. It was only a matter of moments before he began to tug at his own hair and a suffering, chocked cry escaped his lips, along with a shattered,

"I love you." Which, naturally, went unnoticed, and meant nothing anymore.

OOO

Days passed by and there still seemed to be no chance that Steve would be remembering Tony any time soon. Try as he might, he couldn't find a way to seclude himself from Steve. It wasn't like him to stay locked in his room for days on end like a salty teenager anyway. If anything, he wouldn't survive even two days locked away in there. Not only was there hardly anything to do in there, but now that Steve was unaccustomed to the house he now inhabited, Tony didn't want him doing anything harmful or stupid to put himself, or the house, in jeopardy.

It was hard at first since Tony hated to see Steve acting so disconnected with him. It hurt him every time he looked at the man and didn't see him smile at him like he used to, or strike up conversation like he normally would have. Instead, he would just blankly look back and say hello in a very drab or uninterested tone that he never had used with Tony before except for when he first got there. And what they were doing didn't help either. The most they did together was eat, have a very small conversation, and Tony taught him how to use the television. Other than that, they were silent and surprisingly tried to avoid each other.

Night time was the worst though. As much as Steve believed that Tony just went to bed, it wasn't the truth. Once the soldier left to his room to get some shut eye, Tony would lollygag outside in the living room forcing himself to watch a few more episodes of a television show or watch the end of a movie. But that usually ended up in an all night marathon and it wasn't until Steve joined him the next morning did he realize he had stayed up all night. Again.

He couldn't help it. It wasn't just the nightmares he was avoiding, but it was also the loneliness. Sure he had gone to bed a few times during the past few days, but that wouldn't last long. An hour was the maximum, and he knew that wasn't healthy at all. Though every time he considered how staying up all night would put his health at risk, he seemed to lose more and more interest in the matter. It was better than suffering through another nightmare or waking up in an empty bed again.

Steve never seemed to notice either. He just figured Tony was an early riser and would take no notice to the fact that he had barely moved spots since the night before, and he was still in yesterday's clothes. It just went to show how little he cared about Tony now. Before, that small fact would worry the hell out of Steve and he would be berating Tony to take better care of himself and get some sleep. He would help him in any way he could, but now he had no clue what to do.

It went on like that for days. Steve would go to bed leaving Tony out in the living room on the couch and he'd come out the next day, well rested, to see Tony had not moved an inch since the night before, but he just thought he had gotten some sleep and just woke up, so he didn't question. But the truth of the matter was that he had been up for three days in a row not getting a single wink of sleep, and if Steve would just look at him, see the exhaustion written all over his face as he walked lazily around the house, as he escaped to the solitude of his lab, as he made his morning coffee next to Steve, than maybe he would realize that there was something going on inside Tony's head about all of this. Maybe then he would realize the mental war Tony was at with himself, and it wasn't pretty.

Clint and Natasha did notice, though, and although it may not seem like it, they were concerned. They came over everyday around noon and left at four. They came over mainly to check on Steve and see how he was doing, but they also had to check on Tony to make sure he didn't do anything they couldn't fix. But so far, all he had done was severely deprive himself of sleep. It wasn't the worst thing he could do, but it was still a little worrisome just because of the fact that it wasn't healthy.

"Would you like one of us to stay with you?" Natasha offered, except her voice sounded a little less than enthusiastic at the offer. The last thing she wanted to do was stay over at Tony's with him to make sure he slept.

"I think I'd have more nightmares if I woke up to see Barton sleeping next to me." He said jabbing a thumb in Clint's direction.

"All the more reason for me to stay." Clint smiled broadly at the genius who sat beside him. Things lightened up when they were over. It made the atmosphere a lot less dense and it was like some sort of fog was clearing. Tony may not be their biggest fan, but he was certainly grateful whenever they came over. It gave him someone to talk to. At least someone to talk to who cared to talk to him.

But once they were gone, he was left alone with Steve again, and by the looks of it, the soldier could care less what Tony did or said. Of course Tony gave him the benefit of the doubt since he didn't remember who he was, but it still hurt to see Steve not care about him anymore.

They would sit in the same room together, eat dinner together, and sometimes talk together, but it wasn't the same. Steve no longer cared about Tony, and he knew that. At least he assumed that. It was even rare for Steve to say goodnight to Tony when he walked off to his room to sleep leaving Tony alone in the living room for another sleepless night.

That's where he sat now, eyes glued on the screen in front of him that was playing re-runs of a television show from the 90's. The bags under his eyes were heavy and resulting in dark circles. He was almost certain that in a few days it would look like he got punched in the eyes because they were so dark. It was a wonder that Steve had not noticed this at all.

He picked up the remote, sick of the 90's television show that was way to cheerful, and he began to flip through stations wondering if a dark movie was on or if a gloomy show was on. Anything was better than one of the cheerful shows that always had a life lesson at the end of it. The last thing he wanted to hear was someone telling him to be happy.

He settled for a mini series on the History Channel that he hoped would bore him to sleep. There were just certain shows that were good during the day, but who wanted to watch documentaries at three in the morning? It was enough to put anyone asleep, especially if they'd gone three days without a wink of sleep. Sadly though, he found it somewhat entertaining, and he ended up turning up the volume to keep engaged in the program. Defeated, he realized he'd be spending another night wide awake watching television like a bum.

"Tony?" Shocked by his sudden company, he spun around so quickly that the remote went flying out of his hands in the opposite direction. Once his eyes made contact with Steve's, they both winced when they heard the remote clatter to the floor and break. Pieces slid in every direction and some even landed back by the coffee table in the living room. And Tony said the only logical thing he could think of,

"You scared the shit out of me." It came out in a surprised voice, and it made Steve chuckle lightly. As if Tony throwing the remote across the room wasn't an obvious give away that he was startled by Steve's sudden company.

"What are you doing up at four in the morning?" Steve asked. "Is this show really that entertaining?" He pointed towards the television where a middle aged man was talking about John D. Rockefeller and Cornelius Vanderbilt.

"Well, yes, it is." Tony said nodding weakly feeling exhaustion want to take him over. But he wouldn't give in. He didn't want to. He couldn't.

"Are you okay?" Steve asked.

"Peachy." The look on Steve's face indicated that he was less than convinced, and it didn't surprise Tony at all. "Look, why don't just go back to bed, Capsicle? Don't worry about me and my strange fascination with watching _The Men Who Built America_ at four in the morning." He raised his eyebrows in the air and pointed a finger towards Steve's room. "Plus, you have no room to point accusatory fingers at me when you're up as well."

"Your television show woke me up. Do you realize how loud it is?" Tony hadn't actually. Since he was so tired, his hearing was weaker since he was much less alert to the world around him. No wonder Steve was able to scare the living daylights out of him so easily.

"No…sorry." He ran a hand through his rumpled and messy hair giving Steve an apologetic look. Steve furrowed his brows and leaned in a little closer to get a better look at Tony. The nearness made Tony back up a bit since his memory recalled Steve leaning in towards him as an indication for something different, not just a better look, and he couldn't let himself lean forward as well and do something he would regret.

"When was the last time you got some sleep?" He asked with worry suddenly flooding his voice. It had been a while since Tony heard that tone come from Steve.

"Three days ago." He shrugged nonchalantly as if that were no big deal.

"Three days ago?" Steve asked a bit shocked. Tony nodded weakly and turned back around towards the television.

"Soon to be four." He leaned back against the cushion of the couch and tried to focus back on the television program that he had now missed part of. Steve looked down at the shell of a man before him and frowned.

"Why?" He made his way around to the front of the couch and sat down. Tony didn't make any sudden movement; he was too fixated on the program before him. "Tony, talk to me." He begged picking up a spare remote from the coffee table and turning off the television. An angered look crossed Tony's face as he turned to Steve – now darkened since there was no light in the room – and met his eyes which were worried for the first time in days. Normally he would want to quickly wipe that look from Steve's face, but it was nice to see him actually wear it for once. It was like a long lost friend reappearing.

"I can't go to sleep." He shrugged. "It has nothing to do with insomnia or whatever if that's what you thing, I just…" Steve sat patiently waiting for Tony to continue, but how could Tony say he couldn't sleep without Steve? It would scare him off; send him packing his bags and running back to his apartment in Brooklyn. That was the last thing Tony wanted. How could he survive without Steve here? Even though they barely talked as it was, just his presence was enough to make Tony feel somewhat happier.

"You just what?" Steve tried to push him forward.

"If I fall asleep, I have nightmares all damn night. Horrible ones. And when I wake up, I'm alone." He leaned his head down on the cushion suddenly feeling as if it were too heavy to even hold up. "And I'm tired. I'm so fucking tired…" He whispered shaking his head with his eyes shutting slowly and opening again. "But I can't go to sleep. I'll just wake up again." Steve frowned and leaned his head down on the couch as well so he could be eye level with Tony. It made him feel worse when he saw Tony had tears in his eyes that he refused to let fall.

"You know…" He said slowly. "Natasha told me about what happened with Pepper…" Tony let out a sigh and shook his head,

"That's not why I can't sleep." He said. "I'm still sad about her, don't get me wrong, but there are other reasons why I'm upset as well. I'm just not sure if I can tell you just yet." Steve nodded understanding that.

"I get it." He says softly. "Is there anything I can do to help you?" He asked making Tony smile. The generosity in his voice was back. He missed this. He missed hearing Steve care about him, and he missed seeing it too. Now here he was, not even a foot away from him, showing all the care in the world towards someone he didn't remember.

"Not that I can suggest." Tony shrugged knowing the last thing Steve wanted to do was stay out on the couch with him just so he could get some sleep. He was the last of Steve's concerns. Steve frowned letting a sigh escape his lips,

"Natasha and Clint suggested I should readjust to my life here with you. When I asked them what that meant, they told me I should ask you. They said everything I'd been doing was all wrong, that I would never do what I do now or act the way I'm acting. Especially not towards you." Tony's lips formed into a thin line as he tried to hold back obvious sadness. "And…I'm sorry I forget who you are. I wish I didn't, you seem like a great person, and I'm sorry I don't know that anymore. They told me that you and I were close before, but I can't remember any of that. I want to remember, though. Believe me, I do, but I'm just…" Tony wanted to reach out for Steve and try to comfort him in some way. Place a hand over his, give him a sympathetic shoulder squeeze, or even hug him, but he knew that would just frighten him away. "I want to remember you, Tony. I want remember _us_ and why we were so close. I want to…readjust to my life with you, but you need to tell me, you need to _show me_ how to do that. And I know I haven't really made that an option with how I've been acting lately, but I don't know what else to do." Steve smiled weakly at him before averting his eyes as if in some kind of shameful manner. It made Tony sad to see, but he could feel his heart warming by what Steve just told him. He _wants _to remember his life with Tony. He _wants _to know who he was to Tony, and he wants Tony to show him!

"Don't be sorry…" Tony whispered making Steve look up at him. "I've been no better." Steve chuckled lightly and couldn't help but nod in agreement. They'd both contributed to this in some way shape or form. They'd both been, as Tony would surely put it, assholes.

"So now will you tell me if there's something I can do? I want to help you, Tony. I want to remember you." A gentle smile broke on Tony's face and he couldn't help himself, he reached out and placed a hand over Steve's. The soldier gently rolled his hand over and took Tony's hand in his making them both smile. For anyone else, it might have been a slightly odd thing to do with someone who you didn't know, but there was something in Steve's mind telling him to do it, telling him Tony would want him to.

"I want you to remember me too." He whispered smiling at Steve who was already smiling at him. It was a great sight to see again. He missed this. "And, you know what would help me _finally_ get some sleep and be a little less of an ass?" His choice of words made Steve shake with laughter which made Tony smile even more. Happiness was a great look on Steve.

"What?"

"Would you stay with me? I don't want to be alone anymore." There was a pause of silence between the two of them for a long moment. For a split second, Tony thought he'd made the wrong decision by asking that.

"One second." Steve held up a finger and stood up sliding his hand out of Tony's and escaping the room for a quick second. Tony sighed wanting to kick himself for what he just asked and said. He couldn't help but think how pathetic his request sounded, but it was true. He didn't want to be alone; he wanted to be with Steve. Was that so much to ask?

He heard footsteps approaching again and he turned around to see Steve returning with a couple of blankets and a pillow. Tony bit his cheek wanting to laugh, but unable to hold back an ecstatic smile as Steve set his pillow down on one side of the couch. He handed Tony a blanket as he sat down spreading a blanket out over him. Tony unfolded his and spread it over him subconsciously enjoying the way it smelt like Steve. Just that alone would help him to sleep in a heartbeat.

"Comfy?" Steve asked from his laying down position beside Tony.

"Sort of. I'll survive though." He chuckled leaning against the back of the couch again and shutting his eyes. Before he even had a chance to settle in to his new position, though, Steve grabbed his wrist and pulled him down against him so his head was resting against his chest. A small gasp escaped Tony as his eyes shot open in shock of what Steve did. The soldier's heartbeat was even and normal, unlike Tony's which was now erratic. The sound soothed him though, it was familiar to him, and he loved it. He loved _Steve._

"Something tells me that we did something like this before…it feels…familiar." He said with confusion filling his voice as he and Tony got situated in their new position. "I wouldn't have done it otherwise. Is this okay?" Tony just smiled and shut his eyes.

"It should feel familiar. And yes, it's more than okay. Thank you, Steve." For the first time in three days, he felt relaxed. He could actually shut his eyes and feel peaceful instead of scared. It was the truth when he said the best place in the world for him was in Steve's arms. He felt safe in them, happy even, which was a great feeling for him.

"Goodnight, Tony." He whispered back letting his arms loosen around the genius's body, but he didn't let go. Nor did Tony who had managed to wrap an arm lazily around Steve's neck while the other just rested on his chest feeling it fall and rise while he breathed.

All Steve had to do was readjust to his former life, and that's just what he was doing, what he would do until he remembered – if he remembered. Just readjust.

_**I'm so very sorry for the late update! I was really busy this past week and literally had hardly any time to write this out. Forgive me please! **_

_**See, I told you all it could only get better from there. Sorry this chapter had such little dialogue, but hopefully it was good…? Let me know what you all think because, as always, I'm not sure if it was good or not… **_

_**The sadness aside, I tried to lighten the mood at the end and put a little more fluff into it. The move at the end may seem a bit bold for Steve to do, but I felt like it was the right thing to do since he may or may not be regaining his memory (I never said he would or wouldn't). **_

_**Pretty please REVIEW and let me know your thoughts so far. They would make me so very happy to hear. **_

_**I love each and every one of you dearly, and I appreciate how many of you have stuck with this story so far. It makes me so happy to see a new favorite, follow, view, and review, so thank you. I love you all so much, and I cannot even begin to express how much you all mean to me, so thank you once again. **_

_**Happy Reading!**_


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14: Talks **

The day was slow, quite like any other day. After they woke up with no incident or awkwardness, just a simple good morning and a smile, they parted. Tony went to shower as normal, and Steve went towards the kitchen to make some coffee. The shared a meal together and finished just as Clint and Natasha arrived per usual.

The two of them spoke with Steve for most of the time while Tony spent time down in his lab cleaning up some of his mess from the week before. All the debris from the explosion had been cleaned up thanks to the ever so hard working robots, so it left little for him to do. Instead of bothering the three upstairs though, he spent most of the day sitting in the lab writing down new ideas for the suit, tinkering with old inventions, and even texting. Which was something he seemed to rarely do, but he figured it be a nice change up.

Once the time ticked away and reached four o'clock, Clint and Natasha came down to say their goodbyes, and promptly left once Steve said his goodbyes to them upstairs. Their visits were becoming more and more predictable. Each day they'd come over, converse with both Tony and Steve for a while, then Tony would escape to go do as he pleased while they spoke with Steve and possibly even watched a movie when they got bored with each other. Sometimes Tony was grateful for the solitude he bore when they were here. Although he still desperately hated it from before, but he had nothing to do when he was upstairs with them. They were only there for Steve really, and to make sure Tony wasn't spiraling out of control again. At least he wasn't letting that side show.

"Tony, you down here?" Steve's voice broke him away from his trance and he looked over his shoulder towards the door of his lab which had now opened granting Steve entry.

"I'm right here." He said from his desk which he had found himself just mindlessly sitting at. It wasn't until he looked at the clock did he realize it was almost five. That tended to happen a lot with him. Time always seemed to get away from him.

Steve made his way over to the desk a tad warily and pulled up a stool to sit down next to Tony. It certainly was odd having Steve down here. And considering the fact that the soldier knew about what happened to him, it was a surprise to Tony that he would even consider coming down there in the first place. It would have undoubtedly scared the wits out of anyone else, but this was Steve. He was certain worse things had happened to him.

"How are our two master assassins?" He asked spinning in his chair to face Steve.

"They're doing well. But I think they're a little bored of coming here. Considering nothing has changed with me and you never spend any time with us."

"I don't blame them. Unless you're me or Bruce, you can never have fun in my house. It's all science and technology." He sighed, "And don't say that, your memory will come back shortly, just give it some time to accumulate. Memories like yours don't just come back over night."

"I wish that they did." Tony just smiled at him knowing he felt the same exact way. If only that were possible, than maybe Steve would be spending his time with _him _and not Clint and Natasha. "I've fared worse though, I'll get through this."  
"That's the spirit!" Tony clapped a hand on his shoulder, but Steve just looked up at him knowing it wasn't meant to be self motivational; it was just one of those statements. He'd cast this aside like he did most other things lately. "Lighten up. I thought I was supposed to be the morbidly depressed one here."

"True, but I think losing most of your memories counts as a valid excuse to be, as you put it, morbidly depressed."

"Amnesia doesn't always last forever, Capsicle." He pointed out.

"You're optimism is very pleasant to hear." He smiled leaning back against the edge of the desk. "How about we swap places? I'll be the morbidly depressed one; you can be the optimistic one."

"Interesting motif, Cap, but no can do. Depression is a little hard to shake. And for the record, neither of us was ever really optimistic. Motivational would be a better word for it." Steve gave him a quizzical look and then chuckled shaking his head,

"We must have been a dysfunctional pair." Much to Steve's surprise, Tony didn't laugh at that. Instead, he stared blankly at him as if he said something out of line or wrong.

"Actually, no. We…worked to be quite frank." He stood up suddenly feeling to antsy to sit down anymore and began to just walk around a bit in a pacing fashion. "Whenever I was having one of my episodes or I needed someone, miraculously you would just show up even if I didn't want you to. And trust me, for the first few days, I didn't want you to. I would have been happy to see you walk out of the front door and let me wallow or die where I was. But after a while…for a lack of better words, you became my rock. You were something that always kept me grounded whenever I began to drift off. And it takes one hell of a person to do that, so I applaud you my friend." Steve sat back watching Tony as he wandered about the lab indirectly talking to him. The action seemed familiar. As if Tony must have done it a lot before. The pacing was certainly recognizable. "We had our moments, but I wouldn't say we were dysfunctional. Not one bit." He turned back to face Steve and shoved his hands in his pockets as if they eye contact was making him uncomfortable suddenly. In truth, the distant unknowing stare in Steve's eyes is what got to him. It was as if he were looking at a stranger, and in his mind he was.

"What kind of moments?" Steve asked curiously. If there was any way Tony could say something to perhaps jog his memory or remind him of their life, than that would be great. Tony just laughed, broke their eye contact, and began to pace again.

"Well, when I had episodes, I mean it. I smashed the mirror in my bathroom to smithereens with my hands." He held up his hands and pointed out a few of the raw looking scars on his hands that took Steve aback. "I would not stop blaming myself for Pepper's death and was convinced that it should have been me and not her. If I could have turned back time and taken the bullet for her, trust me, I would have. So one morning I just lost it and decided to take it out on my poor defenseless mirror. I'm sure I would have done more damage to it and myself if you hadn't intervened."

"Me?" Steve placed a hand possessively over his chest and questioned the story.

"By that time it was too late for the poor mirror, but you at least stopped me from doing anything more. We had some deep conversation amidst the ruins of that mirror. There was glass all over the fucking floor, and I am convinced you must be indestructible because it didn't even scratch you." Tony absently rubbed at his hand and over the scar that still felt too soft for his liking. "But that's all in the past now."

"It seems to me as if it has some sort of sentimental impact on you." Steve noted knowingly. He was right, it did. Steve was, and still is, all Tony really has. "Surely it's not all in the past."

"Not all of it, no. I still think of some of the things and favors you did for me every day." He shrugged finally slowing his pace down and turning to Steve. "I mean, come on, it's not everyday someone saves your life." Steve furrowed his brows,

"How did I do that?" He asked utterly confused. Natasha had spoken to him about how he saved Tony's life more than once, and without him, the genius would be gone and Steve would still have his memory. She didn't delve into detail, though. She claimed it was probably too much to take in during one sitting. Although he disagreed feeling more than capable to hear about how he saved a mans life on more than one occasion. Sure, he was Captain America and he saved plenty of lives, but considering he knew Tony personally – well, he used to – it seemed more than significant, and he cared to know more than anything. Since he knew about Pepper's death and the downward spiral it sent Tony on – why else would he be living here – he knew it couldn't be something such as saving him from bad guys or a villain. He knew it was deeper than that.

"I tried to kill myself." Tony said softly and disconnecting his eye contact from Steve's, ashamed of himself. "The first time was unintentional, I was drunk. But the second time was intentionally. More than that, I just wanted all the pain to be gone." He couldn't help but feel the same way now. Looking at Steve, seeing the confused look in his eyes and the absence of love was painful. Both physically and mentally. But he couldn't – no, wouldn't – let it show.

"Because of Pepper, right?" Steve asked just as soft as Tony spoke. All he did was nod in response. "Do you still love her?" The question made Tony look up and meet Steve's eyes again. If he wasn't mistaken, and he often was, he could have sworn that there was a hint of sadness behind them. It was as if he were internally begging for Tony to say no, he wasn't. But he figured – knew – his eyes must be playing tricks on him. There was no way Steve had fallen for him again.

"I'll always love her." He replied truthfully. "But I moved on, not to long ago actually."

"You found someone else?"

"Yes…but they're gone now." He turned away not daring to meet Steve's now sympathetic eyes. "If I'm not misguided, I'm sure they've forgotten all about me by now." His eyes fixated on his feet which kept him rooted. It was as if he couldn't move all of a sudden. He could feel Steve's eyes trained on him, the sympathy was like a fog – he could practically feel it.

"You don't seem as sad about her. Did you not love her?" Tony sighed, shutting his eyes,

"Of course I loved him. I _still _love him. Ever since her death, he's been my world. As cheesy as that sounds, it's the truth. It's like he's gravity to me or some romantic shit like that. Without him, I'd be long gone…" Steve tilted his head to the side which was a reaction far different from what Tony was expecting. If Steve forgot everything, including Tony, then he was almost certain homosexuality was not a very welcome concept with him. Times were different back in the forties. They were different now, but he figured Steve's mindset was slightly different. Although the admittance didn't seem to make him even falter. It didn't faze him one bit.

"Then why don't you go to find him?"

"It's not that simple." He shook his head frenetically, knowing it would only end worse than it already had if he told Steve the man he spoke of was in fact Steve himself. That would probably be the trigger to send him packing and moving back to his apartment in Brooklyn. He wouldn't even look over his shoulder or think twice about leaving Tony who knew undoubtedly that he would not be able to survive without Steve there. The darkness that held him was far too great to surpass that.

They held each others eyes a moment longer, as if they were trying to read each others mind. They might be superheros, but they certainly didn't possess that type of power. And eventually, it just became uncomfortable to the point where Tony just cleared his throat and looked away.

"Yeah, anyway, let's move on from my terrible love life to a lighter subject. Whatever happened to optimism?" A faint smile broke out on Steve's lips and he ran a hand through his hair as if the tension in the room had built up some sort of chains on him. It might as well have for that matter.

"Well, let's get back to a lighter topic that doesn't involve sad love stories and death. Tell me more about you and me. Did we ever do anything fun together?"

"Did we ever do anything fun together? What kind of question is that? Of course we did! What, do you think we just sat around here and wallowed in my self pity while we cleaned up shards of broken mirror glass and watched shitty movies over and over again on HBO? Of course we had fun!" He defended their time spent together even though he knew well enough that they had done just that for days on end sometimes.

"Like what?" Tony made his way back over to the desk, feeling comfortable and loose enough to sit again, and sprawled himself out in the chair with his legs dangling off the side.

"We went ice skating at Rockefeller Center. Do you remember that?" He smiled silently reminiscing on their date and remembering how many times he fell down. But he wasn't surprised when Steve regretfully shook his head. "I didn't expect you to…" He sighed, "We got bored one day and decided to go out. We wound up at Rockefeller Center, because I'm terrible at planning, and ice skated. Do you realize how utterly painful it was for me to put on rental skates?" Steve gasped in fake revulsion,

"The _horror_!" He exemplified with sarcasm shadowing his voice. "How did you manage to survive?"  
"I don't think I did. The old me is still sitting on his ass in the center of that ice arena waiting for someone to help him up. I swear to you, I'm _still _bruised from the amount of times I fell down. But you, Mr. Perfect, didn't fall _once._" Steve beamed,

"What a shame, I beat the great Tony Stark at something!"

"It is a shame! I'm sure all the people skating there took pictures of me falling and uploaded them to _Twitter_ to share with the world. Trust me, Rogers, the news nowadays is boring as fuck, I'm sure that picture and a three sentence synopsis explaining it made headlines the next morning. Not just because it involved me, but probably because it was the only thing publishable." Steve rolled his eyes knowing that wasn't true. He read the newspaper and found it quite intriguing. Of course it had changed a lot since he last read it, but it was still interesting to read about all the world and local news.

"What the hell is a Tweeter?" There was a brief moment of silence as Tony just looked at him. His face slowly contorted though, and he broke out into hysterical laughter and slapped his forehead,

"Oh my god, I knew this day would come…and it's a _Twitter. _It's a social networking site on the internet. And I swear if you don't know what the internet is, I give up on you."

"I know what the internet is, Stark." He condescended. "I'm not that dumb to modern day technology." Which was a lie; he still could hardly understand the simple kitchen appliances and how to work the television. He was sure he'd set the remote on fire one day just from looking at it funny.

"You're too cute." He shook his head burying it in his hand.

"Cute?" A blush crept up onto his cheeks and Tony looked up just in time to see it and stare at it in awe. It had been a while since he last saw Steve blush. It was a ghost of a memory now.

"Of course!" He admitted with no shame. "It's not every day you meet a ninety year old man who looks like he's in his twenties and doesn't know how to use the internet." Steve smiled,

"If you say so."

"Which I do." Steve looked down at his hands which were resting calmly in his lap.

"What else did we do together?" He asked as if her were almost nervous.

"So much. We might not have gotten out of the house every single day, but just being in each others company was great in and of itself. We were…best friends…you and I." He nodded knowing the title best friends didn't do their relationship justice at all. Steve nodded and looked back up at Tony with sadness in his eyes,

"I'm sorry I can't remember any of this." He apologized once more. "I want to."

"It's not your fault. You'll remember when the time is right." Steve sighed and looked down at Tony's hand resting on the counter absently. Without even internally questioning what he was doing, he reached out and gently took it in his hand. For a moment, he just felt the roughness of Tony's hands, the calluses, and the dry skin due to all the work he drowned himself in, and tried to memorize it. It was welcoming to him, the way Tony's fingers reflexively curled around his and held onto his hand. It wasn't a new feeling, he could tell. And for some strange reason, he couldn't stop thinking about how perfectly their hands fit together. _That must be significant._

"We were really close…" He muttered rubbing a thumb across the top of Tony's hands, a motion he used to do quite often, and it soothed Tony still.

"More than you know." He admitted dying to be in Steve's arms again.

"It must have been nice…" He smiled looking back up at Tony who was staring at him with a sentimental look. "Tell me about it." He tightened his hold on Tony's hand figuring it was a comfortable position for the both of them and was not discouraged.

"I'm not so sure that that's a good idea." Tony shook his head wishing he could get up and pace again. But he didn't want to release Steve's hand which felt like it hadn't been in his for ages. It was a great feeling and he could sense the ghost of their forgotten love.

"Why not?" Steve asked perplexed. Tony just continued to shake his head ruffling his hair with his free hand which was sweating. He knew that only meant that his other one was as well. _Shit. _

"It's just not the right time." He remembered saying that all those weeks ago on the balcony to Steve when he almost told him he loved him. It wasn't the right time then, nor was it the right time now. At least it didn't feel like it. Steve had just accepted Tony back into his life last night! Well, technically this morning.

"How do you ever expect me to remember my life if you won't tell me about it?" Steve asked almost angrily. Tony knew he was frustrated. He would be too if he had lost his memory, especially his memory of Steve. That would kill. Then if he remembered…he'd be full of guilt and remorse. Of course he would go right back to Steve, but all the time they had lost would never be made up for, at least not in his eyes. He wanted to fix this so bad, he wanted Steve to remember.

"The doctors said you will remember on your own time, Steve. I can't force you to remember me."

"You can try!" He let go of Tony's hand and stood up staring down at him with sadness – and anger - filling his eyes. "You have no idea how frustrating this is! Every time I see you, you have this look in your eyes that I can't figure out what it means. You refuse to tell me the inner details of our life together and I want to know what they were. I want to know who you are and who you were to me. Why won't you tell me? Do you think I'm going to be repulsed or I'm going to cast you aside? If you know me at all, that's not what I'm like! Certainly that aspect of me didn't fade when I got more acclimated to modern day society." His voice was harsh. It made Tony cringe and wish he would realize that he might act exactly as he said he wouldn't.

"It's too much for you to handle, Steve. I can't tell you everything; you should be able to understand that."

"I don't understand that! How can you say it's too much for me to handle; I've handled far worse things than a reminder of my life. It is my life; I deserve to know about it. You have no right to hold it back from me." He was right, and Tony knew it. Steve deserved to know everything, but he knew if he told him then Steve would pack his bags and leave as quickly as possible.

"I understand that, but it's too much for you to take in right now."

"Why?"

"Because you just accepted me back into your life _yesterday!_" Tony shouted, standing up and practically knocking his chair down in the process. "For me, that's a pretty damn good accomplishment that I'd rather not lose right now by opening my big fucking mouth and ruining _everything _like I _always do_!" Steve backed up a bit regretting how he triggered this reaction in Tony. "If it weren't for me, you'd still have your fucking memory! If it weren't for me, you'd be back at your house in Brooklyn and not here worrying about me and trying to remember our lives because we wouldn't have one together! But no, you did lose it, and do you know why? Because of _me_ Steve!"

"So _what_? I don't blame you, Tony. But I _will_ if you don't tell me what you're holding back from me!"

"Very mature, Steve. How _fucking mature_!" He headed for the door with full intention of walking away from this. He tended to do that a lot. Conflict was, and never would be, his type of thing. Especially not with someone he cared about.

"Don't walk away from this, Tony. You always do that. Why don't you just man up and face your problems head on?"

"You don't know me, Steve! You used to, and now you don't. You could probably care _less _about who I am. Who _we _are. So don't accuse me of always walking away from my problems, because you don't know me. You have no right to say that."

"How can you say I don't know you? I've been living with you for over a month! Of course I know you!" He threw back angrily throwing his arms up in the air frustrated.

"Just stop, okay? You don't even remember any of that time together, so don't say that you do just to prove a point. You _don't know me_ because you don't _remember_ me." He opened the door and began to make his way out of the lab and up the stairs so he could maybe escape somewhere else within the house. Anywhere was better than here.

"You're afraid!" Steve followed him in hot pursuit not wanting to let this argument hang in the air looming over them for God knows how long. "You're afraid to tell me because you're afraid that I'll leave and go back to Brooklyn." Tony stopped hot in his tracks in the middle of the stairs. "That's it, isn't it? You don't want to tell me because you think it'll scare me away or piss me off. I'm right, aren't I?" Anger bubbled over once more in Tony, and he clenched his fists and teeth.

"Okay, fine." He spun around. "I'm scared, alright? You were all I had, Steve! And if you leave me, than odds are I won't be able to live with it. I'm afraid, okay? I don't want you to leave."

"I'm not going to, so you can swallow your fear and just tell me! I don't want to leave you here alone. I know you can't survive alone without me, so why would I ever even think of leaving you?" Tony looked away frustrated. He was already fucking this up. _Perfect_.

"Just drop it, please. I can't tell you. I can't." Steve let out a long sigh before he shouted,

"Why won't you just tell me that you love me?" A dense silence followed after that. They both stared at each other, but only Tony looked shocked. How could Steve know that well enough to make such an assumption? Of course he was right, he was always right, but how did he figure that out.

"How do you know that?" He asked as if his breath had been taken away from him. Steve looked away suddenly, his brows furrowed closely knit together. Tony felt his heart racing a mile a minute inside his chest. He could feel it pounding and hear it pound inside his ears. His hands were even sweatier than they were before, and he felt as if his breath was short. "Steve?" He took a couple of steps down from where he stood and looked at him curiously, but kept his distance. As if he got to close it would set off some bomb or make Steve collapse and fall back into a coma. "How do you know that?" He repeated warily feeling dizzy. He wished he would have gotten away and gone upstairs sooner.

Steve looked up, but not at him. His eyes drifted towards the lab and then at the wall where he had been flung back into. Of course it was repaired and restored by now, but he could see it clear as day crumbled and splattered with crimson blood, his blood.

Slowly, he focused his gaze back on Tony who was standing rather far away from him. Farther than he'd like him to be. And when he looked at his face, he saw the shattered look in his eyes, the distant gaze behind them that suddenly made him feel absolutely terrible. He was disheveled. Worse than normal actually, which was a bit of a shock, but he understood why suddenly, and he wanted to throw up.

"Oh my God…" He muttered lowering his head into a hand and breathing heavily. Tony automatically thought the worst and froze where he stood not daring say a word. He thought that maybe if he didn't speak, Steve would stay and not let it bother him more than it probably did. Now both of them felt like they were having heart attacks.

"I'm so sorry!" Steve suddenly shouted in a shattered voice that took Tony aback.

"Sorry for what?" He asked thinking he was the one who fucked up, not Steve. But when Steve looked up at him, a tear rolling down his face, Tony felt like his entire heart stopped. "What's wrong?" He asked horrified and stepping down a few more steps wondering what was going on within his head all of a sudden to make him _cry._ That was more than rare to see.

Suddenly, Steve reached up and tangled his hands in his hair, gripping his head lightly. He shook it slowly and groaned in pain.

"Whoa, are you going to pass out on me?" Tony asked holding his arms out when Steve made a frustrated noise and shook his head. It hurt, but he knew why all of a sudden. Everything was coming back to him in such a rush, it hurt. Everything he forgot was suddenly coming back to him. Staying here with Tony, sleeping in the same bed with him, finding him trying to kill himself, their date, their love, and the accident. They were all coming back to him full force and it made him feel like he was about to collapse.

"Tony…" He looked up at the man before him who was confused beyond belief. "I'm so sorry." Tony just shook his head not having any clue what Steve was apologizing for.

"It's…okay?" He said confused and hoping that would just make Steve feel better and all they said could be forgiven. But he could only dream. It wasn't that simple, and especially since he didn't even know what Steve was talking about. This conversation just took an odd turn south.

Steve just tried to smile up at him, but faltered feeling like he was going to be sick or loose it. Suddenly, he headed up the stairs to where Tony stood and seized the man in his arms tightly and held him close.

"I'm sorry…"

"For what?" He asked shocked, but he still wrapped his arms loosely around Steve hoping it would calm him down and shut him up. He hated to see him so sad and he was even shaking slightly. Perhaps it was from the pain in his head, but he knew it wasn't. This was mental pain, mental distress. "Steve, talk to me." He begged figuring that this is what Steve must have felt like when he first found Tony here a month ago. "Tell me what's wrong."

"Tony," He pulled back and held him at half an arms length feeling like the space between them was far too great. He just wanted to have him back against him, with him. He just _wanted._ And he would make sure he got what he wanted. Love. "I remember!"

_**Oh my goodness, I am SO sorry for this late update! I don't know what happened…I was on mid-winter break last week and didn't update at all! Please forgive me; I tried to write it out. So I hope you can all forgive me, I am so very sorry this is up so late! **_

_**This chapter had so many different approaches it isn't even funny. Each one I came up with I decided to change, and finally I decided to just post this and see what happened. Because frankly, Steve having amnesia was making me sad and I just wanted more romance and fluff. But believe me, this isn't the end just yet. **_

_**I understand if this chapter is a little boring, I'm sorry. Like I said, this had a bunch of different standpoints and beginnings, so it was really hard for me to write. I'm sorry if it was boring and seems rushed, this was really hard for me to write. That's probably why the moods and emotions flip flop throughout the chapter. Sorry if none of you are to thrilled about that...Also, I had writers block for a bit and I just got over it. So don't be too harsh on this chapter…**_

_**Pretty please REVIEW and let me know your thoughts on this story and this chapter so far! It would mean the world to me – it always does! I love you guys so very much!**_

_**I will try to have the next chapter up very soon, but I have the ACT next week and I need to focus on that, so please don't be surprised if the next update takes a while. I will update sometime after that without a doubt! I'm sorry once again…**_

_**I love you all so much! I am overjoyed that I finally got 100 followers! Thank you all so much! I love you guys! You always make me smile and brighten my days when I'm down, and from some of the reviews I've been receiving, it is to my knowledge that this story does that for some of you as well, and that makes me so very happy to hear! I love you guys, always keep smiling. **_

_**Happy Reading! **_


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15: Evermore **

They stood in the middle of the stairwell looking at each other. Steve was on the verge of tears as he stood mentally urging Tony to say something. Sadly, there wasn't a hint of emotion on his face. All Tony did was stare blankly down at Steve who had stumbled down a step or two after he admitted his memory gain. Occasionally he blinked, but even though Steve hoped when he opened his eyes the emotion would be there, it wasn't. There was just emptiness.

Where was the love?

Slowly, Tony backed up a few steps, not breaking the eye contact he had with Steve. He got farther and farther away from him, and Steve felt like something was tugging at his heart trying to rip it out of his chest. If he could speak, he would ask where Tony was going and what he was up to, but his throat went dry and he couldn't seem to form words. It was as if he had gone mute.

Tony gripped the doorknob in his hand and opened the door gradually. Steve stared up at him with horror in his eyes. Something was wrong, terribly wrong. Although for once he didn't know what that was since Tony wasn't showing any signs of distress, happiness, sorrow, or anything. He was a blank slate.

Without uttering a word, he spun around, breaking their eye contact, and walked out of the stairwell leaving Steve to stand there confused and hurt. That wasn't exactly the reaction he was expecting. It was the complete opposite really, and if he said that it didn't sting a bit, he'd be a liar.

After a few moments, he quickly walked out of the stairwell and into the living room where Tony stood blankly staring out the windows that covered the entirety of the wall. His back was to Steve and if it weren't for the slight reflection on the glass, Steve would assume he still wore the same expression as before, a blank stare. However, from what he could see, Tony's eyebrows were pointed downward and there was a sad absent look in his eyes.

"You're not lying to me, are you?" He asked suddenly, and it was as if Steve were hearing his voice for the first time. The question bewildered him, and he hurried to exclaim,

"Of course not! I wouldn't joke about this." There was hurt in his voice which was a blatant and direct notion that he spoke the truth. He was Steve after all, and Tony assumed he was like Honest Abe or something. Most of the time at least.

"Of course, I know that…" He uttered quietly forcing Steve to strain himself to hear. Steve tilted his head to the side wondering what was causing this reaction. "How could I not? You never lied to me about something important. You loved me, you would never do that."

"_Loved_?" The past tense that Tony put the word in worried Steve. He figured that was significant somehow. He knew it was. "What are you implying?" Tony looked over his shoulder at Steve trying to hide the obvious emotion beginning to wash over him like waves. "Do you think I don't love you anymore?" He asked feeling the same tugging feeling in his heart he felt earlier. "Is that what you're saying?" Tony turned away quickly, and Steve saw him choke back tears in the reflection. He thought the two of them were past hiding emotions.

"You have your memory back, don't you? Now it's not just a story someone told you, you remember. If it were me, I would hate whoever blasted me into a wall like that." He said with a level voice.

"So if I did that to you, you wouldn't love me anymore?" Hurt crossed Tony's face as Steve watched him in the reflection.

"Of course I would still love you!" He exclaimed turning around, still hiding his sorrows and masking it with a form of fake anger that Steve realized all too easily.

"Exactly. So what if I remember now when it was just a story before? That doesn't change how I view it. Accidents happen; it won't change my feelings for someone." He took a step forward cautiously, wondering what Tony's reaction would be. Thankfully he didn't move, which Steve took as an invitation to keep walking towards him.

"I hurt everyone I'm close to or love, whether that is mentally or physically." Tony motioned towards Steve with a loose wave of his hand. He eyed Steve closely as he advanced towards him. "I'll hurt you again." It pained him to admit that, but he always second guessed himself and figured he would do the worst when really, how bad could he really be?

"Then hurt me." Steve shrugged only a few feet away. "I don't care, I'm sure I can take it. I was able to survived cranial damage that should have killed me and now managed to regain my memory, I'm sure I can survive whatever else you throw my way." Tony held his calm composure, although Steve could see he was slipping every so often. It was only with Steve that he let himself slip like this. It was only with Steve that he unintentionally slipped like this.

"I don't want to hurt you."

"Than don't. But either way I don't care. Hurt me or not, it won't change the way I feel." He stopped right in front of Tony who had just turned around to face him. A question formed on Tony's lips,

"And how do you feel?" He asked in a whisper, suddenly nervous under Steve's eyes. It was an odd feeling for him since he rarely ever got this nervous. Normally _he _was the one making others nervous.

"Well, I'm sure I've told you this before, but I love you." He smiled tentatively down at the man who was slowly crumbling before him. "And you know what that means don't you? That I don't care what you did by accident or might do by accident in the future, you can hurt me a million times over and I will still love you. And I always will." Tony took in a sharp breath and reached out only slightly to take one of Steve's hands in his. All he wanted was to touch him right now and know that this was real. That he wasn't lying, or that this wasn't just a dream. When Steve returned the hold, Tony felt a quivering smile form on his lips. His eyes were fixated on a tile on the floor as he tried to hold back his eminent emotions that were beginning to bubble over.

"What's wrong?" Steve forced him to look up and look at him. "Do you not love me?" He teased, a playful smile forming on his face.

"Of course I love you." Tony chuckled lightly feeling a little more relaxed and his emotions began to ease away. "I'm not an idiot." Steve laughed at the comment, throwing his head back a bit.

"I would never think you were." Steve placed a hand on Tony's cheek and smiled. "But stop worrying yourself over petty things. I'm sure if I was angry at you, I wouldn't be here right now." Tony nodded realizing he may have over reacted a bit or self imposed way to many anxieties on himself. And when he looked into Steve's eyes and saw the glistening, dancing look in them, a grin broke out on his face and he did what he should have done in the first place. Something that he had been dying to do for what felt like an eternity.

He wrapped his arms tightly around the man he loved, shut up, and kissed him.

OOO

The clock affirmed that it was late, however his body told him otherwise as he sat awake, naked, next to the most stunning man he had ever set his eyes on. An incredulous feeling washed over him and he knew he was lucky to have stolen the heart of someone who he once would have believed to hate him forevermore. He had thought it impossible to have a man such as him to fall in love with him so irrevocably. And from stories he had heard from multitudes of sources, he figured he would have been different in bed. Those notions were proven false, however, and he vowed to never believe a rumor about this man ever again.

Careful not to rouse the man beside him, he got up and pulled on his pants that lay almost forgotten on the floor beside the bed. He stood, zipping them up, and turned over his shoulder towards the bed where his lover lay calmly in his sleep, the ghost of a smile on his face. Slights of his hair were still matted to the side of his face, however he was relaxed and there wasn't a hint of sweat on his face visible to the naked eye. When he brushed hair away from his eyes, his fingers running across the skin on his forehead, he could still feel very microscopic sized beads of sweat. A smirk crossed his lips and he continued forward towards the bedroom door to where he made a brief exit into the rest house.

His feet barely made a sound as he crossed the threshold from the bedroom door to the living room. The couch welcomed him warmly, as it always seemed to do, as he sat down on the soft cushions that he knew all to well. His eyes fixated upward as he leaned back, his head facing the ceiling with wide wondrous eyes. A grin slowly formed on his already smiling mouth, and few laughs escaped him as he gaze up at the tiled ceiling wondering how the past couple of hours just happened. He questioned _if _they happened and perhaps he was dreaming. Perhaps he would wake up and his memory would be gone once more and he would condemn himself for having such lustful dreams towards another man. But even so, how could he feel repentant towards a dream such as this? He knew well enough that he could not.

A feeling of intrusion washed over him and he knew he wasn't alone anymore. Sluggishly, he turned his head to the side toward the bedroom door that now hung wide open. Standing in the threshold of the doorway wearing nothing but a pair of sweatpants, and staring at him with a confused expression he asked,

"What are you doing out here, Steve?" The hitch in his voice made Steve realize how worrisome his action might be for Tony and that perhaps he should have stayed behind in bed and thought.

"I'm just lost in thought." He shrugged. A concerned expression crossed his lover's face that forced him into a state of apprehension.

"Good or bad?" He asked, his eyebrows meeting in the middle, his forehead wrinkling in worry.

"I wouldn't assume you to be the type to question your partner's thoughts after sex." He chuckled holding a hand out, beckoning for him to join him on the couch. A slight laugh escaped him as he crossed into the living room and took Steve's gentle hand in his.

"Normally I don't," He looked down at his and Steve's hands as he played with Steve's fingers wrapped in his. A gentle smile broadened Steve's face and he looked up at Tony fondly. "But this is you we're discussing, and your opinion means a great deal to me." He admitted feeling Steve squeeze his hand slightly. He met Tony's eyes affectionately, a tender smile lighting up his face. Finally, to answer Tony's question from earlier, he replied delicately,

"What do you think?" The response brought a smile to Tony's face and he sat down on the couch next to Steve, right up against him, and lowered his head onto his shoulder glad to be reunited with him once again. "Sorry if I woke you, and sorry I left. I just wanted some space to think."

"About what?" He asked slightly concerned, but Steve had clarified that all his thoughts were good. What they were about, however, Tony knew not of.

"Just us." He smiled down at him, his arm wrapping around him from behind. "Everything that's happened and what it's resulted in…it all just seems a bit like a dream to me. And what you said earlier to me in the lab…I'm your world?" A slight chuckle escaped him.

"Why are you laughing at that?" Tony asked trying not to laugh himself. "I was in the moment, shut up."

"What moment? We weren't having a moment."

"We should have been having one." He pointed out wondering what that would turn out like. Certainly with Steve's memory loss it couldn't have ended well. "Just like we _should_ be having one now." He smiled innocently up at Steve who deadpanned down at him.

"Didn't we just have one?" He replied finally and winked causing Tony to turn away laughing. "Plus, it's late. Any moment we should or shouldn't be having should be saved until the morning." He had a point, so it was hard to argue. However Tony had stayed up three nights in a row, all he could think was, _damn it, we can do whatever we want_! Plus, it wasn't as if they were called to do anything or had anything to take care of the next day. A few all nighters wouldn't kill them.

"Oh, you're no fun." Tony whined rolling over slightly and pressing his chest against Steve's arm. "Are you not at least tempted?"

"Of course I'm tempted, that isn't even a question, but I'm tired, and by the looks of it so are you." He tapped Tony's nose with his finger and grinned. "Unless those dark circles under your eyes are natural, and I doubt they are."

"They might as well be since I never sleep well. You know that."

"And you know that it worries me, but you don't seem to want to do anything to fix it." Tony nodded and grinned cheekily up at him.

"Because I have ulterior motifs for how I'd like to spend my time, darling."

"I'm well aware of that. But now is not the time, now we should get some sleep."

"Says the man who came out here in the first place."

"You didn't have to follow me." Steve chuckled at the blush that crept onto Tony's cheeks.

"You didn't have to leave." With an apologetic look, Steve stood up and helped Tony up in the process. "But I guess none of us are perfect. Not even you, Captain America." Steve laughed as he dragged Tony back towards the bedroom before he woke up anymore than he already was, than neither of them would get back to sleep.

"I never said I was, you just assume I am."

"You assume the same for me!" Steve shut the door as Tony crawled back into bed telling Jarvis to turn lights off.

"Well that's because it's true." He whispered pulling Tony flush against him and placing a kiss on his lips. "Now go to bed." Tony smiled and shut his eyes glad to do as Steve told him to do. At least now he wasn't alone anymore.

OOO

The next morning they woke up later than expected. It was near noon and much to Tony's horror they got out of the shower – Steve clearly had no problem with Tony joining him anymore – just as Natasha and Clint arrived for their daily visit. Steve was happy to see them as usual, but Tony would have much rather hid away down in the lab or anywhere else for that matter. But Steve was with them, and there was no way he wasn't going to be with Steve now that he remembered who he was.

"Don't you look dapper this morning?" Clint chuckled when he saw Tony walking out of the bedroom behind Steve wearing a day suit. "Finally turn around the shit train and take a detour out of Fuck Life Ville and come back to normality?"

"Yeah, but first I took a pit stop in Shut the Fuck up Town." Natasha looked at Steve as if saying, _how do you put up with him? _Steve just shrugged earning a slight laugh from her.

"You two look happy this morning. Did you two finally settle your differences and start talking again?" She asked as she began to brew a pot of coffee mumbling about how she was happy Tony always had coffee in the house.

"Yeah, I guess you could say that." Tony sideways glanced at Steve and took his hand in his on top of the counter where they were sitting now opposite of Natasha and Clint, who was sitting on the counter beside the fridge.

"Oh really?" Clint wiggled his eyebrows at the two of them and Natasha turned around to see what he was playing at. "_Just _talking? Or shall I go take a look at the bedroom and see if that's all you two have been up to." Steve turned beat red, but Tony just smiled cockily,

"You're more than welcome to, Barton. I didn't know you were such a pervert, but by all means, indulge in your fantasies." Natasha sniggered noticing the offended look on Clint's face.

"So either you got your memory back, or you're even crazier than I thought for falling for this piece of shit twice." Clint addressed Steve earning an angered look from Tony.

"The first one, but if it's considered crazy than I guess I am." Tony smiled over at him and placed a kiss gently against his hand.

"Oh no, save it for later you two."

"Shut up, Clint." Natasha chuckled tossing a plastic cup at his head. "Well I'm happy for the two of you. And it's finally nice to see Stark smiling again instead of sulking around as if he was dying."

"Don't get my hopes up, Tasha." Another object went flying towards Clint's head, only this time it was from Tony and shattered against the floor rather than Clint's head. "Okay, I'm sorry; just stop throwing blunt objects at me. And shit, was that glass? You sadistic mother fucker."

"Oh, that's a new one." He faked shock at the identity. "I'd like to say I'm offended, but I'm not."

"Bitch."

"Heard that one." He smiled mischievously over at the archer who just turned away and took a long swig of his coffee deciding he was done with the little game. "So how long are you two going to be here?"

"Are you in a rush to get somewhere?" Natasha asked as Tony snatched the mug of coffee out of her hands and downed about half of the black contents. Clint sniggered having more perverted thoughts; however he kept them to himself this time in fear that something would be hurled at his head once again.

"Well I did have plans for later today…" He turned to Steve who looked baffled. "You'll find out later. They involve you, don't worry."

"Well we can leave whenever you want us to. Our work here is done I'm assuming. Once we tell Fury that Steve is back to normal I don't think we'll be paying you two any more visits. Unless we're feeling somewhat spontaneous and want to spend a day with you two."

"Or we just want some free coffee or food." Clint nodded agreeing internally that that was a good idea and no doubt he would be back.

"It'll be strange without you two here everyday." Steve noted realizing how used to their company he was.

"Aw, are you going to miss us?" Clint smiled, batting his eyes at them.

"Hardly." Tony mumbled earning a laugh from Steve.

"I'll kill you."

"Don't make promise's you can't keep Barton." Tony pointed out earning a dangerous glare from him.

"Don't be such a dick, Tony. Oh wait!" Steve and Natasha erupted with laughter at Clint's angry comment. Tony shoved Steve slightly away from him mad at him for laughing. That was almost as bad as agreeing that he was a dick. Although he knew he was, Steve was the last person he wanted to hear that from.

"Well, before Clint gives Tony a valid reason to blow a hole through his head, I suggest we better get going. Fury will probably pounce on the idea that we no longer have to babysit the two of you and send us on another mission." Natasha groaned as she set hers and Clint's mug in the sink.

"What a shame." Tony condescended as he stood up all too quickly and went to call the elevator up for them. "Now get the fuck out."

"Ouch, someone needs a nap." Clint jumped down from the counter and walked over to Tony, ruffling his hair as he passed. Tony slapped him upside the head and then proceeded to fix his now messy hair.

"Call if you need us, and I hope you don't, but the offer stands." Natasha said, and then shared a meaningful look with Steve. He knew what it meant: call if Tony has a breakdown he can't handle. Steve frowned and then nodded slowly. Certainly it was the last thing he wanted from Tony, and he hated seeing him so low, but he knew a breakdown was almost inevitable. Before they were dating and Steve would still spend nights in bed with him, he had nightmares and that was the normality of things, so of course he expected Tony to have more. This was one good morning; it didn't mean he would have them all the time from now on.

"See you around. Good luck dealing with Barton, Tasha." Tony smiled as the two of them climbed into the elevator. Steve waved as the doors closed and finally the two of them were left alone to spend the rest of their day together. However, Natasha's last comment and the look she gave Steve put him in a bit of an odd mood and his smile from earlier had faltered a bit and took some of the light out of his eyes.

Tony turned back around and made his way back into the kitchen where Steve still sat. His smile hadn't left his face, in fact, it exemplified now that the two of them were left alone without interruption. It warmed Steve's spirits slightly to see him looking so happy for once, and it made him feel all that much better-off to know that he was the source of that happiness.

"What's with the look?" Tony asked sliding onto the counter and stopping right beside Steve. The soldier looked up at him in amusement dancing in his eyes and smiled broadly,

"What look?" He tried to cover up his all too obvious mood change.

"The look you were just giving me. Oh shit, don't tell me you're upset." He exclaimed suddenly wide eyed. "What did I do?" His eyebrows fell downward as he took Steve's hands in his.

"Geez, you didn't do anything, Tony." He laughed giving his hands a slight squeeze of reassurance. "Calm down."

"Then don't make faces that worry me."

"What _doesn't _worry you?"

"I could ask you the same question, pumpkin." Steve rolled his eyes as Tony jumped down from the counter and set both of their empty coffee mugs in the sink motioning for one of his many robots to get started on the dishes. "We need to go somewhere today. I'm bored of this house." He exclaimed looking out the window and then back at Steve who was still watching him.

"Didn't you say we were going somewhere?" Steve questioned nervously wondering what Tony could have possibly planned for the two of them already. When did he even have time to plan in the last few hours? He could only picture his genius sitting awake in the middle of the night on one of his high tech devices and searching for some party to crash or reserving seats at a five star restaurant. The thought forced him to stifle a laugh as he imagined Tony doing just that last night. It wouldn't surprise him.

"We are, but not till later. But promise me one thing."

"Anything." Steve said softly earning a tentative smile from Tony.

"Keep an open mind about it." His smile faded and his eyes went wide as his mind raced with the vast amount of possibilities Tony could have planned. "Don't give me that look, it'll be fun. At least it'll be better than sitting around here all day. You must admit you want to get out and actually move around." Steve shrugged,

"Well I don't know about me, but this winter has made you look a little flabby."

"Flabby? Excuse me? You're not looking any better. And to think you're supposed to be a super soldier. Inconsiderate mother fucker." Steve laughed and jumped down from his chair shaking his head.

"I sometimes question why I'm still with you when you insult me so much." He muttered mischievously. No sooner had he said it was Tony at his side wrapping his arms around his waist and looking up at him sentimentally.

"Well that's because you _love_ me and can't bring yourself to get rid of someone as _perfect_ as me." Steve took in a breath through closed teeth and squinted a bit as if in disgust,

"You sure about that?" Tony deadpanned,

"Coming from the asshole who said he would always love me and that he thinks I'm perfect."

"Well, that's true, but that doesn't mean I have to show you love. I can just be cold towards you and ignore you. Like you said, I'm an inconsiderate mother fucker." Tony shook his head,

"No, swearing is not your thing. You're still too innocent for that. However a few more nights with me and you won't be so innocent anymore." He winked watching Steve turn red enjoying how easy it was to get a blush out of him. He was almost positive someone could say hi to him and he would still blush like someone called him sexy. "And you could never be inconsiderate toward anyone. You're too nice for that."

"Such a shame." He said sarcastically. "Maybe then you wouldn't be such a leech."

"You like it, shut your mouth." He said releasing Steve and heading toward the bedroom. "Come on, you need to change into something better for later today. As much as I love your outfit now, you need something nicer than that for where we're going. Something sexier."

"You know, that doesn't give me any reassurance as to where we're going." He muttered following Tony cautiously as he watched Tony back up into the bedroom beckoning him to follow. "Should I be more worried than I already am?"

"Like I said," Tony shut the door behind them as Steve began to take off his shirt. "Keep an open mind about it."

_**You have my permission to be angry with me; I realize this is a very late update and – in my opinion – a HORRIBLE chapter! I had the ACT last month, the ending of my 3**__**rd **__**card marking of school, and just a bunch of crap. ACT, school, work, school breaks, writers block, etc. Obviously this chapter hasn't been an easy go. The beginning was easy since I wrote that ages ago and it's probably the only good part of this chapter, but the rest of it…yeah, I'm not awfully proud as normal…**_

_**Please forgive me for this late and awful update! I promise the next chapter will be fun and exciting! Perhaps I shall take a break from the drama for one chapter, but we shall see! You all know me, I love writing drama. **_

_**Pretty please REVIEW, but be gentle with them if you didn't enjoy this chapter…I tried!**_

_**I have nothing dire coming up so I will TRY to get the next chapter up as soon as possible, but clearly after this super late update, don't be mad if it's another late update…hopefully not this late though.**_

_**I love how many of you have stuck with this story so far and have enjoyed every single chapter despite how horrid I think they are. You are all angels and I love you all dearly! Thank you all so much, you always make me smile and I hope I do the same for all of you. I love you all! **_

_**Happy Reading! **_


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16: Promise**

"It's a nice party, I will admit." Steve mumbled looking sideways at Clint who was tugging at the collar of his suit. Seeing that man in a tuxedo was like watching a dog trying to get out of a Halloween costume.

"How like Stark to just throw a random party, label it as a charity for orphaned kids, and suddenly the whole east coast is filing in. And how like him to invite Tasha and me _last minute _right as Fury was itching to brief us with a new mission." He was slightly grateful that he got one more day to relax before he had to go out and fix someone else's problem and come home battered like a tomato.

"You know how Tony is, Clint. This should come as no surprise to either of us."

"It should also come as no surprise that he's MIA right now and left his date in the dust with me. And where the fuck is Nat?"

"Getting drinks, remember?" Natasha walked up with three flutes of champagne in her hands and a scowl on her face. "Your memory is awful, Clint. Maybe you should get that looked at."

"Maybe it's due to your little act of cognitive recalibration agent Romanov." She smirked and downed about half of her champagne flute along with Steve who was trying not to roll his eyes at the pair.

"I'm shocked that the press hasn't shown up just yet." Steve noted. "I'm assuming they've been dying to interview Tony about the whole situation with Pepper…"

"Don't even bring that up, Steve, you know it's still sensitive and if the press gives him hell about it, it won't end well at all." Natasha warned. "And then when the press sees you comforting him then there will be rumors about your relationship and you'll have to out it."

"I wouldn't mind _outing_ our relationship now." He shrugged. "It's not like it was when I was younger, people accept it more. And plus, isn't Tony an open bisexual?"

"Yeah, but you're not."

"Am now." He took another sip of champagne and set the flute down gently on the table behind them where a bartender scurried over and took it away. "I don't see the point in keeping it a secret." The two of them nodded understanding.

"Still, how would the phobes react to two of the most famous superheroes coming out as gay _for each other?_" Clint analyzed emphasizing his point.

"They would just have to get over it." Natasha pointed out angrily glaring at Clint. "As much as I hate the idea of romance, love is love, and if these two fools happened to fall in love with each other then fuck the press and let them love each other. Period, end of story."

"Thank you, Natasha." Steve smiled back at her as she finished the rest of her champagne.

"I'm just looking out for you, Cap; I've heard it can be very rough for people of the media to come out." Steve nodded thankful that his friend was looking out for his wellbeing. However, Natasha did have a point and love was love. People really shouldn't be hounding people about their personal life. Especially when it came to their _private _love lives. A friend hounding you about it was one thing, but strangers and the press were different.

"Holy shit, you actually came to New York willingly this time, Doctor." Natasha turned to see Bruce walking up in a nice looking suit and a slightly nervous expression on his face.

"Well, I did get the invite from Tony this morning and I just so happened to be closer than normal."

"How close?" Steve asked.

"Brazil." He shrugged not exactly sure if that was considered very close or not. "I figured it was about time we all got together again for reasons not involving Loki."

"Amen. To bad Thor can't join this fiesta." Clint leaned back against the counter and tossed the rest of his champagne back as he considered going to get more. The way this suit was choking him he figured he'd need it to make it through the rest of the night. "That guy is one funny dude when he's hopped up on booze."

"Funnier than Tony?" Natasha asked referring to the one Tony Stark birthday party she attended. Steve decided to keep his mouth shut knowing the times he saw Tony drunk were different than the times he had been drunk and partying.

"Maybe we should ask Dr. Selvig what he's like. I heard the two of them got pretty hammered last time they drank together." Clint nodded.

"Thor is a big guy; it would take a lot to get him drunk. Especially since he's a god too." Bruce pointed out as Natasha handed him a glass of champagne he probably wouldn't touch.

"I would pay good money to see Thor shitfaced." Clint chuckled picturing some of the antics the god would get into. "Someone please get him down here and let's play beer pong."

"Clint, this is a formal event, not a frat party." Steve narrowed his eyes at the archer who held his hands up in defense. "When Tony decides to throw a real party though, we'll call you and make sure Thor is invited."

"Hell yes!"

"Quiet down, Clint. You're pissing everyone off." Natasha smacked him upside the head and he glared at her as he tried to fix his hair.

"Watch it; I spent five minutes doing this puppy." He growled getting disgusted at the hair gel residue on his hands. "I hate getting dressed up."

"You're not alone, Clint." Bruce nodded fidgeting a bit in his suit. "Natasha is the only one here who probably enjoys getting dressy for this event or any event for that matter."

"Think again, Banner, contrary to popular stereotypes I'm not exactly the ball gown type of gal." She rolled her eyes pointing to the black sparkling ball gown she wore. "The only good thing about it is it's a nice color."

"Shade." Steve corrected.

"Oops, don't care." She turned towards him deadpanning. He laughed knowing how irritating the comment was and reached over to take Bruce's drink from him since clearly he wasn't drinking it.

"Whoa, hand that over if no one's drinking it." Clint ordered as Steve was about to hand it to a bartender. "I'm going to need at least two more of these to make it through the night."

"I thought Tony was the alcoholic?" Bruce chuckled.

"Sadly Steve got him off of the booze and now the duties have fallen upon me to get shitfaced at this party. Bottoms up, bitches." He threw back the glass of champagne and earned a dirty look from Natasha. Clearly she didn't want to deal with him drunk, nor did she want him drunk. So he figured this would probably be his last drink for the evening.

"That's right, make it last Barton." She threatened crossing her arms. The glare in his eyes made him cringe and he almost lost all interest in the effervescent drink he held.

"You're no fun." He handed the glass off and rolling his eyes at his teammate. "Who's going to get drunk tonight, then? Bruce doesn't drink, Steve can't get drunk, Tony is forced sober-"

"With good reason!" Steve emphasized since everyone seemed to be angered that Tony wasn't drinking tonight.

"Natasha I have never seen drunk and probably won't tonight, and I'm not allowed to get drunk because mother over here won't let me." He pointed toward Natasha who was grinning sinisterly over at him. "Where the fuck is Thor when you need him?"

"Just because no one is getting drunk doesn't mean we can't have a good time." Bruce shot a confused look over at Clint.

"But the fun factors will decrease in this whole pow wow. I put on this suit for nothing if no one spices this party up a bit. It's like going to a meeting only I'm not getting paid."

"Why are you being such a little bitch tonight, Clint?"

"Because I didn't get my nap in today, that's why." He joked sarcastically earning a laugh from the group.

"Maybe you should head back to your nest and sit on your eggs for a bit." Natasha pat his shoulder and earned a dirty look from him. He rolled his eyes and put an arm around her shoulder deciding to forgive her, though.

"Maybe the press will hound the two of you tonight asking if you're a couple." Steve noted.

"I prefer to say we're in a professional relationship." Clint put a hand over his chest trying to sound as diplomatic as possible. The fake disgust on his face made it less believable by the second. Natasha just rolled her eyes wondering how she had put up with Clint for this long.

"Yeah, _professional._" Bruce chuckled. Natasha smiled over at him glad he had finally cracked a good joke, and Clint flicked him off.

"As I was saying, when we're working we're professional, but what goes on behind closed doors stays behind closed doors." Natasha pushed him away as the four of them exploded with laughter.

"You're repugnant!" She laughed.

"Tasha, you know that's a lie because you can't resist me." He held his arms out and she just crossed hers shaking her head.

"Kiss and make up you two. I can't bare the suspense." Bruce said in a bored tone.

"Clearly." Steve sniggered turning his head way from the conversation and scene in front of him to glance around the growing party. He didn't know a single soul there besides Clint, Natasha, Bruce and Tony. The rest of the party goers were either random people who decided to join the fun, or Tony's acquaintances. Steve caught sight of him over by a large windowed wall talking to a couple of people and laughing joyously. At least he was in a good mood and not locking himself away from society. However the pressing threat of the press joining any moment was causing Steve a bit of discomfort.

"This music sucks." Clint groaned not exactly enjoying the light piano and occasional orchestrated solo. "You'd think Stark would want something more exciting."

"This is a charity event, Clint, not a rave." Bruce spoke like a parent growing irritated with his child and ready to nearly slap his forehead in disappointment. "You need to get out more often, don't you?"

"I really do. You have no idea how boring HQ can get, Banner. Sure I have my apartment, but let's be honest, my neighbors are assholes. At least most are. Why would I want to waste my time there?"

"Yeah, because HQ is so much more interesting. We always have such great times there." Natasha droned already not looking forward to going back there tonight to deal with SHIELD matters. If Fury was itching before to brief them on a new mission, he was dying to do it now.

"We do as long as we aren't dealing with Fury in his mother fucking glorious mood." Clint smiled. "Hill can be pretty fun as long as she isn't being professional."

"Which she is 99.9 percent of the time." Natasha rolled her eyes and looked toward a couple of chairs. "If you don't mind, I'm in high heels which are starting to give me searing pains in my feet, so I'm going to go sit down for a bit." She addressed Steve more than anyone else, and he just motioned her toward the comfortable looking black chairs. She grabbed Clint by the forearm and tugged him away with her.

"Now what do we do?" Bruce asked already bored with the affair. "Didn't Tony bring _you _here as his date?"

"You would think so." Steve chuckled. "He has guests to deal with, though. I understand that."

"True. It's not like you two can be on top of each other the whole night."

"Even if there weren't guests it wouldn't be polite to the other people here."

"Especially if some of them don't exactly accept your ways of life."

"You too?" Steve looked over at him ready for another lecture about homophobes. As if he hadn't heard it all by now.

"I'm just saying, Steve, you two should be careful with this kind of issue in public. Not everyone is going to accept it sadly."

"I doubt anyone would want to voice it though considering who we are."

"Amen to that, but just be careful. The press can be…pretty vicious."

"Had a lot of run ins with the press, have you Doctor Banner?"

"Me personally? No. The other guy? Yes." Steve knew about that well enough. Even before he knew Bruce he had been all over the news. At least Hulk had before. "Now that people know it's me, I do get questioned sometimes, no doubt about that, but it's not really a big issue."

"That's a bit of a contradiction, don't you think?" Bruce laughed seeing the joke in what he said and turned to Steve shaking his head.

"Very funny, Captain." Steve shrugged as Bruce walked off toward the bar to go see if they had anything he wanted to drink. Water or even just some tea would be great. However knowing that Tony was throwing this party, water would be the best he would get all night. He was never really one to mind small things like that.

Steve sauntered around the party saying hello here and there to people who acknowledged him. A few had familiar faces, but he doubt he actually knew them. A lot of the time the faces he thought he knew he actually didn't and it was his mind just playing tricks on him. It was slightly awkward to just be walking around alone, but he still saw Clint and Natasha sitting on the couch and Bruce was standing by the bar talking to a couple of people so at least he knew he could go talk to them if he got _that_ lonely.

It was a nice affair. Everyone who got in was giving hearty donations toward the orphanages – Steve still had no idea why Tony chose that charity out of all them – and actually enjoying themselves. Everyone knew that Tony didn't like going to parties that weren't his own. So naturally if he wanted to go to a party or a gala with Steve, he would have to host it. And if Steve did say so himself, Tony was being a lovely host so far. But he hadn't seen Tony for almost over an hour now so he figured he was off chatting with a few people.

There were a few people mingling out on the balcony and getting some fresh air. The view overlooked the city much like Stark Tower did, so when Steve stepped up to the ledge it was really no different, so it wasn't as captivating as it seemed to be for everyone else there. It was just nice to get outside. As much as he hated the cold, he did enjoy looking outside at the stars and breathing in the fresh air.

He talked to a few people outside for a few minutes before they got to cold to stand out there any longer. Or at least the girls did considering the fact that they were in ball gowns and most were strapless or had little fabric up top. The only girls who wore long sleeve dresses seemed to be older. The younger ones flaunted their bodies and figures more.

A hand came down around his waist and snaked its way around. Steve turned to his left to see Tony standing beside him with a smirk on his face and a glint of happiness in his eyes.

"Long time no see." Steve smiled leaning down and giving him a brief kiss. "I thought I'd never see you again." He joked.

"I'm not even being facetious, I thought I wouldn't see you again either. Some people never shut up." He motioned toward the people inside who must have been occupying all his time. "I was talking to one couple for half an hour about god knows what." Steve rolled his eyes knowing how little Tony must have been paying attention to that conversation.

"Are you at least enjoying your party?"

"I'd enjoy it a little more if I got to spend more time with you." He whined leaning his head down on Steve's shoulder.

"You have to entertain guests, don't you?"

"You've clearly never been to a charity ball, have you?" Tony chuckled, "Normally at these types of things the host can walk around and do as they please, but being _me _that is never possible."

"You're just in high demand, aren't you?"

"I can be in demand all I want, but I belong to you so they can all kiss my ass." Steve scoffed,

"You're so romantic, you know that?"

"I try to be." Steve leaned down and pressed another kiss onto his lips, and longer and more lingering one. It sent a tingle of excitement down both of their spines and Steve felt Tony's lips break out into a smile as he pressed himself closer to Steve.

"Calm down, we're at a charity event." Steve warned pulled back a bit.

"You stop me right when it gets to the good part? You're a cruel man, Rogers."

"Cruel?" Steve cocked an eyebrow and leaned back down pressing his lips to Tony's neck and sucking at the tender flesh there. It almost made him laugh when he realized Tony leaning his head back in pleasure and the small noise forming in the back of his throat. Steve ran his lips back up Tony's neck occasionally flicking his tongue out to run along Tony's skin, and back up to his lips which were eagerly awaiting his. He wrapped his arms around Tony's waist and pulled him closer as he felt Tony open his mouth to the kiss. A small groan escaped him and after a few more moments Steve pulled back and looked down at Tony who was flushed red and glaring up at Steve trying not to smile.

"Yes, very cruel." Steve just shook his head, kissed Tony once more, and pulled away to look back out over the city. "Okay, try to be professional when clearly I know your secret desires are burning to be released." He teased.

"We can save that for later though." Steve winked earning another blush from Tony.

"Okay, I see your point." He wiggled his eyebrows now excited for this party to be over shortly. He secretly considered ending it just now, but what would be the point? The night was young, and Steve wasn't going anywhere. As much as he longed to get him home and in his bed _now,_ it could wait. Not much longer, but it could wait.

"Steve," Tony finally spoke up suddenly feeling nervous for what he was about to say. He hated that feeling more than anything in the world right now and it made him crazy. Hell, _Steve _made him crazy. So naturally anything involving Steve would drive him up the wall with nerves.

"Yes?" Steve turned toward him just as Tony masked his nerves and cocked an eyebrow.

"I actually came out here because I have something for you."

"Oh really?" He smiled and turned around to face Tony entirely as he leaned against the railing of the balcony.

"Don't act so surprised." Tony rolled his eyes and reached into his pocket pulling something out so quickly that Steve didn't catch it in his eyes. "We can either do this the completely cheesy way where I embarrass myself to all hell, or we can do this the easy way as in, 'close your eyes it's a surprise' way. Either way I'll be embarrassed, but I'm sure you'll enjoy that."

"Why would you be embarrassed?"

"You'll see, just pick a way."

"Something is making me lean toward the cheesy way." Tony glared at him.

"You are a cruel, cruel man, Rogers." Steve beamed at him and awaited whatever it was Tony had for him. Tony took a deep breath and began to chuckle a bit as he looked up at Steve. Steve just cocked an eyebrow and waited patiently. Another sigh escaped Tony and he got down on his knee enjoying the way that Steve's eyes bugged out of his head when Tony pulled out a velvet box.

"Oh my God, Tony…"

"Shut up, it's not what you think, okay?"

"I beg to differ." Tony rolled his eyes and opened the box to reveal a silver band and chuckled at Steve's expense when he heard him gasp and his eyes grew even wider. "Tony, don't you think-"

"I'm not proposing to you Steve, relax." He laughed loudly and it only grew louder when he saw Steve let out a sigh of relief. Not that Steve would be bothered by marriage to Tony, but it was just a little too soon to be tying any knots of that caliber. "It's just…something."

"Romance. You're ace at it." Steve chuckled rolling his eyes.

"Shut up, I'm trying to get this out calmly."

"You're on your knee holding a ring out to me, there is nothing calm about this." Steve smiled enjoying the angered look on Tony's face. He silently promised he'd shut up and cocked his eyebrow again. Tony mentally wondered when Steve learned to do that. Probably from him.

"It's…a promise ring." He said in a slightly embarrassed tone. Steve's face lit up and he smiled tenderly down at Tony who was clearly struggling to find the right words. "Clearly neither of us is ready for marriage, but I wanted to just make a promise to you that whenever you're ready – if you ever will be or are ever planning on being…" He took the ring out of the case and slid it onto Steve's finger. It fit like a glove. "I will be too. Because I love you, and I honestly can not see myself with anyone else. You've saved my life multiple times and…you saved me from myself. No one has ever cared that much about me and it feels nice to feel wanted for once." Steve looked down at the ring for a moment soaking in all it meant, and then back down at Tony who was smiling nervously up at him. "Just…whenever you're ready, I'm ready. I've decided I want to marry you, but both of us need time. And if it's what you want, then I'm more than willing to oblige." Steve nodded knowing that he felt the same way. Not today, but someday he would be ready to tie that invisible knot between the two of them.

"I love you." Steve said as Tony stood up and hugged him tightly, pressing a kiss to his cheek. "I will always love you, and I will always want you, Tony." Tony smiled wrapping his arms tighter around Steve feeling as if his heart was about to burst out of his chest. That certainly was a new feeling as well that he only felt with Steve.

"Aw, isn't this cute?" The two of them turned toward the doors to see Clint and Natasha standing there. Clint began to laugh hysterically while Natasha just looked at him shaking her head. "What did we miss? We came out right at the _I love you_."

"You missed what you needed to miss." Tony growled still holding on to Steve who he could feel laughing.

"No, no, fill us in." He pressed closing the door behind the two of them. "Don't you want to know, Nat?"

"Not really, but at the expense of Stark's further embarrassment perhaps." Tony glared at the two of them finally releasing Steve and just taking his hand.

"Is he drunk?" Steve asked looking at Clint and remembering his promise to get shitfaced.

"Bitch, I might be." Clint chuckled although he was only a little tipsy. It would take a few more drinks to actually do him in. "What's that on your finger, Steve-O?" Tony turned to Steve with a confused look on his face mouthing the word, _Steve-O_, in a very questioning way. Since when was that a thing?

"Oh my God…is that…" Natasha pointed toward the ring and looked up at Tony. "You didn't."

"You're right, I didn't."

"Holy shit you two are getting married?" Clint shouted with his eyes bulging out of his skull.

"No, we're not." Steve chuckled.

"Then what the fuck?"

"It's a promise ring." Tony clarified with a shrug.

"A promise ring for what, you promising not to be an asshole twenty four seven?" Clint scoffed swatting Tony's hand off of Steve's and picking his up to look at the ring closer.

"None of your fucking business, that's what." Tony snapped as Natasha whacked Clint upside the head.

"That is what it is, isn't it?" Clint asked excited but knowing it wasn't true.

"Yeah, Barton, that's it."

"I bet Steve wishes that was it."

"What are we talking about?" Bruce walked over to the four of them eyeing each of them curiously.

"Steve and Tony are getting married." Clint blurted making Bruce's eyes go wide.

"No, we're not." Steve laughed.

"Tony gave Steve a promise ring. Clint is just being his normal asshole self." Natasha clarified as Bruce walked up and looked at Steve's hand still in Clint's. Despite his pleas to have his hand back, Clint wouldn't let go. He was like a child refusing to give up a favorite toy.

"He just loves you and doesn't want to let you go." Tony joked earning a dirty look from Clint. "Back off, Barton, he's mine."

"Oh yeah, I'm scared of you." He rolled his eyes and finally dropped Steve's hand to straighten back up next to Natasha. "Why won't you tell us the promise?" He begged.

"Because it's private. None of your business." Tony enunciated.

"You're no fair."

"Someone needs a nap and a diaper change." Tony jutted his lower lip out putting on his best pout face and nearly getting hit in the head by Clint. "Expert marksman my ass."

"I swear to God, Stark, you can be a piece of work."

"So can you, birdbrain." Natasha laughed putting an arm around Clint's shoulders. He smiled down at her and put his arm around her waist. "Let them have their secret, clearly if there is a wedding we're not invited."

"There's no wedding. If there were, you'd all be invited." Steve smiled.

"God damn it, Steve, do we really have to invite Barton? He'd ruin it." Clint wiggled his eyebrows at Tony plotting ways to destroy their wedding which wasn't even in thought yet. "Great…"

"It's on. Your wedding is in my hands now."

"I'm not so sure that's a good idea, Clint. I'm pretty sure you don't want to deal with the two of them when they're mad." Bruce pointed out patting Tony on the back. "You know Tony and his suits. He'd have one on call ready to kick your ass if you did anything to ruin his wedding day." Clint thought about this a moment and then just nodded nonchalantly.

"I'm a master assassin, Bruce, I'm sure I can take him and his little science projects." Natasha pinched a pressure point in his neck making him hiss in pain. He took that as a sign to shut up before he said something he'd regret later when he was in the hospital due to a Stark related injury.

"Well, the night is young, why don't we go enjoy more of the party before Stark decides to kick us all out?" Natasha suggested.

"Good idea." Bruce agreed as they all headed inside. Instantly, Tony was torn away from Steve into another conversation of questions and answers with an unknown couple. Steve just smiled at him and shrugged knowing they'd catch up again later. He followed Clint, Natasha, and Bruce back toward the bar to get more drinks and have Clint pester Steve about what the ring really meant.

OOO

"We're going to head back to HQ for the night." Natasha walked up to Steve who was sitting next to Bruce on one of the black chairs while everyone else filed out of the hall. Clint was at her side and looked pretty tired considering it was nearly two in the morning. Everyone was beyond exhausted at this point. Who knew a benefit charity ball could go on so long?

"Okay, it was nice seeing you two again so soon." Steve smiled. "I'm pretty sure we'll see you again."

"Yeah, if Fury doesn't assign us on another mission." Clint pointed out with good reason. "But it would be nice to get some free coffee and food once in a while, so feel free to call us over."

"Can do." Steve smiled as the two of them headed out the door toward a SHIELD car that was waiting to take them back to HQ for the night. At least when they got there Fury was likely to be asleep and not bother them about any possible missions.

"I should probably head out soon as well." Bruce noted realizing how empty the hall was. "I'll stick around to say goodbye to Tony, though." Steve nodded as he took another sip of water wondering where Tony was in the dissipating crowed of people. Certainly it would only be a matter of minutes before he showed up. "I do have a question for you though."

"What?"

"Now that Clint's gone, what does the ring mean?" Of course everyone was curious as all hell, but out of all of them Steve knew he could trust Bruce the most. He had in the past.

"It's just a promise that whenever I'm ready for marriage he's ready for marriage." Steve shrugged fiddling with the ring on his finger that constantly made him smile. Of course he said it casually like it was no big deal, but his heart was swelling as he spoke and the smile on his face said it all. It was anything but no big deal.

"That's actually very endearing and sweet. Who would have thought Tony would make a promise like that."

"A few months ago I wouldn't have thought he would." Steve admitted laughing.

"I'm happy for you two." He said standing up as Tony approached.

"Damn it, you told him." Tony shook his head at Steve. There was a slight pink color to his cheeks which made Steve snigger a bit.

"Tony, it's me, not Clint. I can keep a secret." Tony smiled and hugged Bruce for the first time that night,

"I know you can science bro. Let's just hope Clint didn't bug you with a microphone to hear it."

"I don't think he's that curious." Bruce laughed when they broke apart. "Anyway, I'll be in town for a few more days so if you don't mind me stopping by and spending time with the two of you I will."

"We don't mind." Steve answered for the both of them.

"Hell yeah we don't." Tony smiled excited for the lab time he'd have with Bruce. "Now we'll be anticipating your visit. Hell, don't even call, just show up and come on down to the lab. You already know that's where I'm going to be now."

"Planning on it." Bruce laughed as he headed out the door toward where his car would be waiting for him since he actually got valet parking all on Tony of course.

After a few more minutes the hall had cleared and Steve, Tony, and a few staff members were the only two left. Outside the press was beginning to dissipate and head home thinking everyone had left. Fortunately none of them were allowed to make it inside of the party so Tony was spared irritating questions from those hounds. Inside, the staff was cleaning furiously and probably trying to finish as quickly as possible so they could all go home. The looks on their faces indicated that they were all about ten thousand percent done and just wanted a nice mattress to crash on and never wake up.

"Did you enjoy the night?" Tony asked sitting down on one of the chairs behind them. Steve sat down beside him in the opposite one and nodded as he took Tony's hands in his. The way the ring felt on Steve's finger to both of them was a little different and strange, but it was a good strange. "To bad I couldn't spend more time with you. Damn guests kept demanding my attention."

"It was still a good night." Steve promised. "I am still baffled by the fact that you can plan a party and throw it in the same day."

"Steve, it was a charity ball. If you put my name and charity in the same sentence, people come flocking. Welcome to the media, babe." He caught the eye of one of the staff members there who was pleading with her eyes for them to get out. It had been a long night and they were all damn near ready to lynch the two of them by this point if they didn't leave. He nodded at her and stood up bringing Steve with him since they were still holding hands. She smiled at him tenderly and continued to sweep the floor with a more content look on her face.

"Ready to finally go home?" Steve asked as Tony checked his watch.

"Of course I am, you made me a promise earlier, didn't you?" Tony turned to Steve with a sultry look in his eyes as they walked up to the car waiting for them – a limousine. The two of them slid in and Tony quickly shut the window that would allow the driver to look back at them.

"Did I now?"

"Don't even play that game with me." He warned pushing himself up against Steve, his lips inches away from his.

"I'm not playing any games here. I can if you want me to." Tony took in a breath through his teeth and shook his head ever so slightly.

"I don't think that's such a good idea." He replied lowering himself down to Steve and feeling a shock run up his spine as they kissed. His hands formed fists around Steve's suit jacket and he felt Steve shudder under him. He felt slightly victorious in that. "Maybe you'll have to hold up to your promise sooner." He hissed against Steve's lips. The shocked look in Steve's eyes made him laugh and he ran a hand down his cheek. "I'm kidding." He assured him. "But you better keep it."

"I was thinking about going back on my word." Steve toyed.

"Were you now?" He cocked an eyebrow and began to nibble on Steve's ear ever so slightly. "You have self control, but I'm assuming you don't have that much." When he pulled back and reverted back to kissing Steve and demanding dominance from the start he could practically feel Steve succumbing to his every word.

"You're right." Steve said as they sped down the street toward Stark Tower. "I don't." Tony laughed jovially and couldn't wait to get home.

_**I'm sorry! One million times I am sorry about this lateness! I had awful writers block, school, work, and I started a new story as well…not to mention I recently got a Tumblr and have become obsessed with that. So blame that if you must. Also, last weekend I went to a comic con near where I live and didn't touch my computer at all during that weekend, so the writing process has taken longer than expected. **_

_**I promise I will get the next one up quickly, but I have tests and final exams coming up so it's crunch time. Forgive me in advance if the update takes a while. Don't worry though; I'm not going anywhere as far as I'm concerned. **_

_**Pretty please REVIEW! Your thoughts and comments are always welcome and appreciated and I love your input. Your reviews always make me happy and I love to hear how much you're all enjoying this story. **_

_**I love you all so much, keep the love coming and I shall keep giving it. You all make me smile and my heart swells when I see a favorite, follow, or new review. Thank you all so very much! **_

_**Happy reading! **_


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17: Replay **

It was a different turn of events the morning after the party. Due to the fact that they got home around three in the morning and didn't get to bed till around five thirty, they slept in pretty late. By the time they woke up it was nearly one in the afternoon. Steve looked like he had just missed another seventy years of his life when he looked at the clock and realized how late it was. Never had he slept in that late even if he wanted to. Tony just shrugged and realized it was nice to get to stay asleep so long in Steve's arms.

When they finally dragged themselves out of bed they showered together and took as long as humanly possible. Whenever one of them was about to turn off the water the other wouldn't let that happen and they'd end up staying in there for another couple of minutes which turned into an hour. Finally, however, they got out and got dressed for the day before they went out into the house to decide how to spend the day.

Instead of brewing coffee, though, Tony grabbed his coat and decided to go on a quick coffee run to Starbucks while Steve either ordered take out or made something for what they were now considering lunch since it was practically two thirty.

"Be safe." Steve gave him a kiss as Tony climbed into the elevator and slowly descended to the bottom floor where he would walk to Starbucks instead of driving. It was one of the warmer days in winter so he felt like not wasting it by taking a car being driven there.

So now he found himself impatiently waiting at the counter of a crowded Starbucks anticipating his Espresso Macchiato and Steve's Caffe Americano to be finished. The baristas were running around like chickens without their heads and they had probably messed up over four orders already. Who knew Starbucks was so crowded around this time of day? The he remembered that it was probably lunch time in the business world and all the office bitches were out getting their bosses coffee.

"Tony Stark?" An out of breath barista called setting down the two coffees next to him and looking at him with her large brown eyes which made her look exhausted.

"Thanks, babe." He smiled picking them up and smiling at her. She smiled back, but he knew she was pissed about having to go back and serve the madhouse of a coffee house. It wasn't his problem. His problem was that he wasn't home with Steve who he was desperately craving to see now. He was thankful that the Starbucks he went to was only about a fifteen minute walk away from his house. At least it was an excuse to get some fresh air, and also a good way to get Steve to warm him up when he got home. That was enough motivation to get him to quicken his pace.

He walked down the side of the street holding one coffee in each hand and occasionally taking a sip from his. At this rate he'd show up back at the tower empty handed since he drank both coffees. It wouldn't surprise him. Steve's Caffe Americano was beginning to smell pretty good compared to his Espresso Macchiato.

His pocket began to vibrate and he coked an eyebrow realizing he'd gotten a text. Strategically he shifted his coffee into the crook of the arm holding Steve's coffee, and reached into his pocket to pull out his cell phone. The screen was lit up as a text scrolled on the top banner. He chuckled realizing it was from Steve. He felt like a proud father just because Steve was actually _texting _him.

He opened up the message and read it silently to himself.

A_re you on your way home yet? _It read. Of course there were a few fragment errors and spelling mistakes, but Steve hadn't exactly grasped the concept of a smart phone yet, and the touch screen was probably giving him an aneurism right about now. Tony made a mental note to get him a pen to use with the phone so it was a little less confusing.

_Are you seriously texting? Holy shit, this must be an alternative universe. Anyway, I'm almost there. Don't blame me if I show up empty handed though. Coffee's tempting. _He replied chuckling softly as he sent the text and shoved the phone back into his pocket knowing it would take Steve a while to reply. He'd watched Steve practice his texting skills once with Jarvis, and it was hysterical. It took him a good ten minutes to type a simple, _hello, how are you? _Then it took him another five minutes to figure out how to send it. Needless to say Tony was almost peeing himself with laughter down in the lab reading the texts and seeing how long it took him to reply and how awfully spelt everything was.

_It's simpler than calling right now. And you have a caffeine problem, baby. Hurry home. It's getting a little lonely here. _The reply came faster than Tony expected and he felt like crying with pride. He had taught Steve how to text. Steve, dumb-to-everything-related-to-technology-of-the-tw enty-first-century Rogers.

_Be glad I do because without my fix every morning I'd be dead. And is it now? Damn, should I start sprinting and then start stripping in the elevator so I can be ready when I show up?_

_That wasn't exactly what I meant, but come to think of it that doesn't sound half bad. Maybe I should head to the bedroom now? _

_ Don't tempt me. I won't hesitate to jump you when I get back. _

_ And I won't hesitate to let you. Get home safe. _Tony laughed to himself and shook his head as he put his phone into his pocket. As if last night wasn't enough for them, but hey, he wouldn't mind going for round two…or three.

The streets were beginning to clear up which meant everyone was probably heading back to the office to sit in their cubical till eight at night either working with files or playing Pac-man to procrastinate. But even in the less crowded streets, they were still crowded and he remembered how much he hated New York at times like this. Plus, it made getting home a lot harder than it needed to be. There were far too many people shoving each other out of the way, honking their damn car horns, and speeding through red lights.

And now to make matters worse, Tony felt the chill of the barrel of a gun being pressed to his temple.

"Don't take another fucking step, Stark." The small smile on his face disappeared as he froze where he stood by an open alley. His eyes rolled to the left and he saw a man pointing a less than intimidating gun at him. He had scarier looking things in his kitchen. "Get over here, now!" The man looked crazed and was pointing down the alley he stood in. Deciding he could just knock the man out and call it a day, he appeased him and walked into the alley as calm as possible. This was certainly putting a delay on his Steve time. If he ended up knocking this guy out, it would be brutal because now he was just agitated.

"On the floor!" Another man walked out from behind some dumpsters with a larger gun and released the safety as he pointed it at Tony. Tony's eyes widened a bit with confusion as to where the other guy had manifested from, but he chose to not voice it. "Drop the coffee and get down on your knees." Tony shrugged and set the coffee down beside him as he got down on his knees and looked up at the two of them with a less than impressed expression on his face.

"Anything else, master? After all of this you better have a treat for me." He joked around earning a fiery look from the two of them.

"Cut the crap, Stark. Shut the fuck up and hands behind your head." Another voice spoke up, this time female, and he felt something hard being pressed against the base of his skull. It was probably the same as the other two guns, unintimidating, but something about a gun being placed to his head made him freeze and do as he was told. "You two, get over here!" She shouted pointing to the other two men. "Where the fuck is everyone?"

"Right here, relax." Another three guys walked toward them from the back of the alley loaded down with weapons. Knives, pistols, shotguns, you name it, they had it. Tony looked frantically at all six of them, but his face stayed relaxed as if this was the calmest situation he had ever been in.

Two of the newcomers pressed their guns to his head and one even pulled out a knife and put it to Tony's neck. The blade was cold and if he wasn't trying to keep so calm he may have cringed.

"Where's his phone? Someone, get his phone!" The girl shouted angrily, her gun was smacking against the base of Tony's skull making him grow even more agitated and worried that she'd pull the trigger.

"Or you could ask nicely." He deadpanned pulling it out of his pocket and handing it to her. If all they wanted was his phone, they could have just asked for it and they could all get on their marry way. Maybe then he'd actually get to drink more hot coffee, but by the looks of it that wouldn't be happening.

"Shut up!" She shouted hitting him in the head with the barrel of her gun. "You, figure out how to work this piece of shit." She tossed the phone at one of the men who was standing by with his arms crossed as Tony's head rolled a bit and he waited for his eyesight to refocus. For a little thing she certainly packed a punch. Tony glanced at the guy holding his phone and he looked more like a bouncer than a mugger.

"Can I go home now?" Tony whined looking up at the girl and not really caring what she was going to say. Either way he was getting out of there.

"I said shut up!" She shouted pulling out a knife and slicing his right cheek deep and spewing blood onto her jacket. It happened just as Tony heard the sound of his phone beginning to record. He turned confused after he angrily glared at the girl for what she did. Now he'd need to get scar treatment to remove that, but that was the least of his worries at the moment as he tried to figure out why they were suddenly filming him.

The man behind the camera began to laugh maniacally and it made Tony's skin crawl. He was beginning to get a little frightened and realized that maybe this wasn't a situation to be taken lightly. These people all seemed crazy after all, it would be better to appease them now and take them down them later.

"Let's make a little video, shall we?" The girl began pulling out her knife again and pressing it over Tony's jugular vein. It was a decent size and actually made a shiver run through his body as he took in how many jagged teeth were on it. _Well fuck. _"And we can send it to your little boyfriend later, how about that? He can get an early viewing of the masterpiece we will create before we send it out to the world to see." The mention of Steve set his anger ablaze and he glared up at her. "Oh, look at that, boys, the slightest mention of that man sets him on edge."

"Love really is a stupid thing." One of the men who were pressing a gun to his temple laughed. "And a waste of time."

"Especially for his little friend…what was his name? Oh right, Steve. Poor guy wasted months of his life on this guy and we're just going to end up killing him later."

"I'd like to see you try." Tony chuckled looking at the group of misfits.

"You talk tough, but we all know well enough to see past your fake calm." She hissed getting close to his face. "You're shaking like a child inside. You're thinking of Steve wondering if you're ever going to see him again and get to be with him again, kiss him again, and sleep with him again. You're too afraid to admit your faults and you're to proud to show fear. When in reality we all know you're terrified like the pussy you are. You may be Iron Man, but without the suits you're nothing. Take those away and all you are is a man with flesh that can easily be torn, cut, and burned. You're no different than us, only this time we're going to win against you. Perhaps Iron Man isn't so invincible after all." His nostrils were flaring by the end of her speech and he narrowed his eyes at her.

"What do you want?" He hissed looking her in the eye as if he were looking through the windows to her blackened soul.

"I want your blood." She growled. In a flash she was lifting the knife and digging it into the flesh of his shoulder causing blood to spurt up and splatter onto his face and onto her again. He gritted his teeth and released a loud noise of pain that was probably going unnoticed in the streets behind them. The girl laughed and lowered herself to his level again to look him in the eye. There was calm about her, but it was clouded over by the psychopathic look in her eyes. "I would say you should be happy I'm doing this because this way you'll see Pepper again, but there isn't a chance you'll do that. I'll make sure you go to hell."

"Good luck." He growled angered by the mention of Pepper more than the blade that was now embedded deep in his shoulder. His blood was soaked through his shirt and jacket and he felt it begin to trickle down his chest. Panic began to set in, but he didn't let it show.

"Maybe after this we'll pay your little boy toy a visit. He'll never see us coming, it'll be perfect. Right after we send this video and he watches it, he'll look to the elevator to wait for our arrival, but we'll already be there."

"Don't you fucking dare touch Steve." He spoke through clenched teeth. "You would lose anyway."

"Really? Something tells me we stand a good chance against him if he's unsuspecting. And whatever will he do when he is so distraught over your death trying to ward off us?" She lifted her fist and pounded down on the knife causing Tony to actually scream out in pain. More blood spurted from the wound and he began to grow lightheaded.

"He'll kill you." Tony growled from his lying down position. He'd fallen over and knocked over the two coffees in the process. He lay in a puddle of searing hot coffee and it was burning his neck and cheek a bit, but the knife felt worse. The girl just laughed and gave the knife a powerful kick for good measure. She got a slight joy from the scream that left Tony's lips.

"Would Mr. Perfect really take a life?" One of the men dramatically gasped.

"He would take yours." The man quickly brought a knife down and embedded it into Tony's thigh getting the same form of joy out of his screams that the girl did. This stab wound didn't hurt as bad as the one in his shoulder did, though. He was grateful for that, but he knew that was a bad sign.

"He won't even miss you. Hell, he'll be glad he's rid of you and he'll thank us for doing such a big favor. Maybe this way he'll get to live." The girl laughed as she crouched down beside Tony and pressed a gun to his temple. It was a six cartridge Colt Revolver. "He has probably been lying this whole time that he loves you and is just doing it to make you feel better about losing Pepper. He is one of the nicest guys alive, how could he deny someone happiness? And I'm sure he's disgusted by you – everything about you probably disgusts him. He's just to humble to voice it. And once you're gone and he can finally stop playing along, he'll find someone else in a heartbeat that will truly make him happy. Unlike you. The only thing you've done for him is give him nice living accommodations, free food, and an insight on romance. But for what is that worth having to deal with the abhorrence?"

"Well clearly he's not the only person I must disgust because I probably disgust you as well." He spoke quickly.

"Damn right you do!" She shouted. "And I'm not the only one who is. There is a line of people who want to take a swing at you, except I'm the only person who had the balls to come and finish the job!"

"Glad to know you have a dick. If I weren't in a committed relationship I'd invite you over and we could explore that." She gritted her teeth and leered down at him.

"You think you're so funny, don't you?" She hissed shaking the gun in her hands and pressing it harder into his head.

"Yes I do." He nodded. "I bed you're just another phobe who wants to slit my throat for your religious beliefs." He rolled his eyes despite his fear and pain, and deadpanned at her.

"Close, but no." One of the men said pointing another gun at him. "It's more so just because we hate you. Homophobic or not."

"And you are." He hissed through gritted teeth. A shot fired through the air before another word was spoken. It was followed by a few scared screams from people around the area and a few gasps from the five others who stood around. There was a long moment of silence that followed before Tony began to scream and his good hand flung down to his lower abdomen where he began to put pressure on the bullet wound.

"You idiot!" The girl shouted walking over to the man and slapping him as hard as she could. "You weren't supposed to shoot yet!"

"I'm sorry!" He cried shielding his face from her. Clearly she was the leader of the group. "He made me mad."

"What's going on down here?" A voice called from the end of the alley. Multiple people were peering down now – of course dramatics would attract a crowed in America.

"Quick, we have to run!" She shouted at all five of her friends. "Have you ever played Russian Roulette, Stark?" She pressed the gun to his head and for the first time his eyes went wide as she smiled a demonic smile while staring into his soul. She pulled the trigger and Tony's eyes squeezed shut.

"Quit fucking around! Let's go!" The gun didn't fire and the girl was shouting multiple obscenities as she loaded up all six cartridges of the gun. Tony let out a sigh of relief as he opened his eyes and was met by the frantic sight before him.

"Damn it, just drop the phone and run! We have company!" She shouted and aimed the gun backward. Tony shouted _no _but just as the words escaped him another three shots fired through the air causing more disruption in the streets as people came running down the alley toward the scene. The six of his attackers ran down the alley as five men chased after them. Tony's phone clattered to the ground beside him as he began to scream in pain realizing that they had shot his leg and his shoulder right beside the stab wound. The third bullet grazed his cheek below the slice wound, but it hurt just the same.

"Tony!" A familiar voice shouted as a group of people ran up to see him sitting in a bloody mess on the ground surrounded by weapons and coffee. He rolled his head to see a familiar pair of eyes blocked off by some glasses. He would have cracked some joke about how convenient his timing was and how strange it was, but he was still clenching his teeth and groaning in pain to much.

"Don't worry; we'll get you some help. Holy shit." Bruce frantically spoke as he surveyed Tony's injuries not sure what to do. They were extensive, and the ones by his shoulders looked critical. He seemed to be losing a lot of blood considering the fact that the puddle of it was growing and people were backing up trying not to fall into it or get soaked.

Tony reached up and took one of Bruce's hands that he was offering and squeezed it. His hand was shaking and Bruce's image above him was spinning. His hearing began to go and all that Bruce was saying was going in one ear and out the other. A scared look evolved onto Tony's face as his eyes frantically looked around. _Fuck this crowed._ He managed to think as he showed weakness. He had been in painful situations before, but that didn't mean he wanted to be or was used to them just yet. He probably never would be, and the fact that Bruce was here was a gift from some higher power Tony didn't believe in. Better Bruce than a stranger, or worse, Clint.

Tony rolled his head to the side as he heard people around him calling 911 frantically. He saw his phone sitting over in a puddle of water and blood with the screen lit up. In the very dead center he saw an envelope being shut and fly off. Right below that it read that one video had been successfully sent to Steve.

_Shit._

OOO

Ambulances sped by down on the streets as Steve stood by the windows with a glass of water in his hands and a piece of toast in the other. Silently he wondered what was going on down in the city that required so many medics, but he figured it was no big deal if they were already on it and walked away from the window to go turn on the television to await Tony's return.

He turned on the television to a random movie called _Behind the Candelabra _and flopped down on the couch feeling particularly lazy today. He reached over to the coffee table and picked up his cell phone determined to master it. He'd had it long enough; it was about time he actually got it to function. Everyone laughed at how technologically inept he was and gave him a hard time about his confusion to something as simple as a blender sometimes. As if it were his fault that working Tony's technology was like disarming a bomb.

The smart phone in his hands vibrated and he almost threw it across the room. He was never really one for texting, so it still startled him when his phone buzzed or made a noise indicating that he got a text message or a voice mail. Even earlier while texting Tony the vibration of the tiny device made him jump.

He checked to see who it was from and smiled when he saw it was from Tony again. It was probably him telling Steve he was going to be a little while longer. He would probably be complaining about the long line at Starbucks and saying he wished he never went out this morning. Or at least something along those lines. Either that or he'd be asking something of Steve which he wouldn't mind doing.

His brows furrowed when he saw it was a video that was nearly five minutes long. What could Tony have _possibly _sent him that was five minutes long? Normally he wasn't the type of person to send videos, just texts. In fact, Steve had never gotten a video from Tony before unless it was a video chat. Even that they rarely did because before they lived together they never called each other via video. Unless it was for a mission that is.

The video link opened and began playing. A girl who looked no older than thirty sliced Tony's cheek with a long blade and was shouting something that had gotten cut off by the recording. The glass of water in Steve's hands fell and smashed against the floor. He didn't care, and he straightened up holding the phone close to his face as the girl shouted in Tony's face. He could barely make out what she was saying, but it had something to do with how weak Tony was without his suits. His heart sank at that. _Big man in a suit of armor. Take that away and what are you?_

The girl dug the blade into Tony's shoulder and he fell over into spilled coffee and mud. The mud began to mix with his blood as the woman laughed about how Tony was going to hell. The video quality was weakening and Steve turned up the volume to hear her threatening to go to Steve after she was done with him. Done killing him.

She pounded down on the knife and kicked it causing Tony to scream out in pain. The sound made Steve cringe and he felt anger boiling up inside of him. Especially when they started playing mind games with Tony telling him that Steve was lying the whole time and that he never loved him. The anger on Tony's face was evident, and since Steve knew how to read him like a book he could see the fear, the sorrow, and the pain behind his cloudy eyes.

Shots were fired and amidst Tony's screams people began to run down the alley to come to help. The girl was shouting at the five surrounding men to drop everything and run before everyone reached them. She pressed the gun to Tony's head and Steve literally shouted _no _at the screen. Thankfully the gun didn't fire and the group was frantic again as she loaded the revolver up. She shouted at the five men once more before she fired three more shots at Tony causing him to literally fly backwards ever so slightly. After that the video cut off.

Steve sat frozen on the couch looking at the black screen with wide eyes. His heart beat was erratic and his palms were clammy. His hands were shaking due to his fear, sadness, and immense anger and thirst for those peoples blood. A million thoughts were racing through his mind as he attempted to make heads or tails of what had just happened on the tiny screen before him and in the alley with Tony.

The ambulances. He suddenly realized that they must have been going to save Tony. There were multiple ambulances, though, and he wondered if anyone else was hurt. People had been coming down the alley which means someone must have helped him after the attackers left. His safest bet was to go to the hospital first and see if Tony was there. He began to fear the worst though and had a pressing feeling that all he would find there was a dead Tony Stark.

The phone in his hands dropped to the floor as he stood up and ran to the elevator. He heard the screen shatter against the hard floor as he climbed into the elevator and began to frantically press the button to take him to ground level. Just as the doors shut on the elevator his phone began to ring. It was Bruce calling from the hospital.

OOO

"Damn it, Steve!" Bruce shouted tossing the phone down against the table. His hands were covered with blood and so were his clothes. Tony had lost consciousness in the alley and since he had so many wounds to the upper chest it was impossible to do much to wake him up until the paramedics arrived. Bruce had made makeshift bandages out of his jacket with the help of other people surrounding the scene, and by the time they had wrapped the bullet wounds the EMS arrived and got Tony into an ambulance. Bruce went along with them and had watched as Tony died once in the back from blood loss. He nearly lost it when he saw them shocking him back to life.

"What the fuck were you expecting? He never uses his phone." Clint said as he came over with a wet towel for Bruce to clean his bloody hands and arms off with. He refused though way to shaken to do more than call Steve who he figured would never answer.

In the other room the doctors were working frantically to get the bullets out of Tony's body along with the blade to see if it cut any arteries. Judging by the amount of blood he lost though there must have been something that went wrong. He did die once.

"Relax you two." Natasha advised motioning for them to sit. "The doctors are taking care of it, they won't let him die. Doctor Banner, you should wipe your hands off."

"I can't. Just please stop talking." He begged as he lowered himself into a chair and covered his face with his hands. The blood was dry, but there was some blood splattered on his cheeks so either way he would have blood on his face. "One day. We weren't with them one day and this happens. We saw them _last night _and the next day Tony gets gunned down."

"It could have happened at any time, Bruce." Clint pointed out as he sat down tapping his fingers against the arm rest impatiently. "To any of us even."

"But you know the most likely option is Tony because everyone apparently loves to see him suffer. Either that or they want his head on a platter." Neither of them could argue with that. They all had had their fair share of torture, but they knew Tony thrived in it most of the time. If he weren't being held hostage, someone or another was trying to kill him. People loved to make him go crazy and see how far they could push him before he snapped. Some people won, but most of the time he was the same way he always was – falsely relaxed. Inside he was screaming.

Slowly, Bruce began to wipe off his arms with the damp towel Clint had given him. It was so dry it was sticking to his skin making it difficult to scrape off. That just made it harder to do and he stopped a couple of times unable to push forward. Tony was his best friend – one of his only friends – and here he sat covered in his best friend's blood.

"Need some help, Bruce?" Clint leaned over realizing Bruce had stopped for the fifth time and was just staring down at his hands.

"I've got it." He shook his head resuming the regime that would probably take an hour to deal with. At least they had time. Tony had been in the urgent care for nearly an hour while the doctors did God knows what to him. Bruce realized that if he was frightened for Tony, Steve would probably be frantic if he were here. Bruce was thankful that he hadn't gotten a hold of Steve just yet. At least this way Steve wouldn't need to panic. He probably didn't even know.

"The six people were caught." Natasha spoke looking up from her phone screen. "They were just arrested a few minutes ago."

"Serves them right." Bruce mumbled.

"Lucky them. Steve would have torn them to shreds if he got his hands on any one of them." The three of them internally cringed at that idea. Steve mad was horrifying when he showed it. Normally he was very calm and collected and had a long fuse when it came to showing his anger, but when someone knew how to push the right buttons to piss him off, all hell broke loose.

Suddenly, Natasha stood up and looked down the hallway where a couple of doctors were walking toward them with bloody gloves on their hands. They were patting each other on the back and whispering something that none of the others could hear.

"How is he?" Bruce asked standing up and feeling suddenly very anxious. The doctors looked up at him for a brief moment with blank expressions on their faces before they smiled lightly.

"He's doing much better. The worst of the damage was that his subclavian artery was cut, but we managed to stop the bleeding and repair it in time before he lost too much blood. He had to have some blood transfusions due to all the blood he _did_ lose as well and he's still getting some. The bullet wounds were slightly tricky and a few were almost at a critical point, however we dealt with those and managed to save him just in time. He's going to be okay." A sigh of relief sounded from each of them and Bruce sank back down into his chair.

"Is he awake?" Clint asked quickly suddenly feeling the urge to go in and see his damaged teammate.

"Yes, he is supposed to be resting though."

"Do you mind if we go and see him?" Natasha wondered. The doctors shared a look and finally shrugged. The three of them thanked the two of them and hurried down the hallway where they were instructed Tony would be.

The first one to burst through the door was Bruce followed by Clint and Natasha who looked slightly relaxed now due to the good news that Tony was alive and well. At least well enough for the moment. He'd be in the hospital a few days for monitoring.

Tony's head rolled to the side and his eyes were red and glazed looking. He was on some powerful pain killers, and he had probably been crying from pain. However he managed a faint smirk and waved very weakly at his friends.

"Brucey." Tony's voice was quiet and he looked exhausted, but something told them that he wouldn't rest even if they weren't there. He'd be stubborn as usual and probably end up pissing off the nurses. "You can all relax now, I feel great. Better than ever."

"That's a relief." Natasha smiled. "They caught the six people who did this to you. They were arrested not even half an hour ago."

"Good. Maybe I'll pay them all a visit in jail and cut one of _their_ arteries." The three of them smiled down at him as he seemed to be in good spirits. Despite the ghostly look he had about him, he was smiling and looked alive and well. At least well enough. That was all that mattered right now as the three of them sat around him comfortably and turned on the television to numb their minds. They could all use some relaxation right now, especially Tony. And not to mention the fact that a beer sounded so good right now.

Five minutes didn't even pass before the door opened again calmly as if a nervous nurse were walking in. The four of them turned and were surprised to see Steve standing there, and he looked slightly out of breath as if he had run all the way from Stark Tower to the hospital. In fact he had. Bruce bit his cheek wondering if he spoke to soon about Steve not knowing whether or not Tony was hurt.

Tony turned to him, smile on his face, and attempted a shrug that made his face contort in pain and lose the smile. That probably wasn't the best thing to do with a stab wound and a cut artery that was now trying to heal. Also the bullet wound that was causing him immense discomfort.

"Well, I'm not dead." He smirked staring at Steve's face that looked clouded over with emotions he wasn't going to release with everyone else around. The other three were quiet as their eyes drifted from Tony to Steve and back to Tony again. They all knew they were currently out of place in this situation and it felt as if they'd been hit by a bus from the awkwardness of it all. "Did you get the video?" Steve nodded slowly, his head shaking a bit in the process and Tony noticed his hands slightly shaking as well.

"Video? What video?" Clint turned to Tony wondering what on earth he was talking about. Tony just pointed to his phone which was on the nightstand next to the bed,

"Can you three give us a few minutes? Take that with you and you can watch the video if you so please." Bruce looked at Clint and Natasha who were already standing up and heading out. Clint grabbed Tony's phone on his way to the door and was already scrolling through the videos section trying to find this video he and Steve were talking about.

The door shut behind the three of them just as Steve and Tony heard Bruce and Natasha exclaim _holy shit _in unison. Something told the two of them that Clint had found the video successfully.

Tony turned back to Steve who hadn't looked away since he entered the room. His eyes were scanning Tony's battered and bruised body and he visually examined all the gauze that covered his chest, shoulder, and leg. His abdomen was wrapped securely and the blood from that bullet wound was beginning to bleed through ever so slightly despite the stitches. His leg was elevated on a pillow with gauze wrapped around his upper thigh where the other bullet wound was. There was also another patch of gauze on his thigh covering the stitched up stab wound right above the bullet wound. Both his eyes had dark circles around them and there was gauze on his cheek covering the slice wound that also required stitches. Along with that he had a large bandage covering the spot where the bullet had grazed his skin. There were also superficial burns from the coffee on his neck and cheek as well that thankfully wouldn't leave any scars.

"Strange turn of events for today, huh?" He chuckled halfheartedly trying to lighten the mood in the room which was oppressive and looming over them. "Looks like you had a slightly better day than me. Sorry I never came back with your coffee, that's my fault. Maybe I should watch my back more when I go out." Steve's face fell a bit, his eyebrows pointing downward as he kept his eyes fixated on Tony, battered and sitting in bed.

"Is this a joke to you?" He asked, his voice strained and choked. The sound brought Tony to attention and he straightened up instantly.

"No, of course not."

"Then why are you laughing about it?" He took in a shaky breath realizing he was raising his voice and looked away finally. Tony felt like someone had punched him in the stomach and he tilted his head to the side trying to look at Steve's face. His eyes were glimmering in the LED lighting of the hospital, and it wasn't in a good or beautiful way either. It made Tony shift uncomfortably, and he was taken aback by the knowing that not only had he never seen Steve so distraught, but this was the first time he saw Steve cry.

"Steve," He struggled to swing his legs over the side of the bed as he reached for a crutch the nurses had given him in case he was feeling spry and wanted to try and walk. However they figured that would be a later thing knowing how much pain he was in. But despite the searing pain going through his leg and body as he stood up putting his weight onto the crutch, he took one step over toward Steve.

"What are you doing? Sit down!" Steve ordered when he snapped back to attention and realized Tony making his way over to him a little unceremoniously. The tone Steve used made Tony take the step back and sit down on the bed looking up at him with wide worried eyes.

"Then come here, damn it." He demanded reaching his good hand out, motioning quickly for him to come over. Steve looked at him for a brief second, his eyes filling with more tears pressing to fall down his cheeks, before he crossed the rest of the room and stopped at Tony's bedside and took his welcoming hand as if it were a lifeline. Tony scooted over, putting his leg back up on the elevated pillow in the process, and tugged Steve down once he made enough room on the bed for him to sit.

"I'm going to hurt you." He warned trying to stand back up.

"I couldn't give any less of a damn." Tony tugged on his arm once more until Steve sat down obediently beside him. There was a moment where they just sat there staring at each other and holding hands, but it was quickly ended. Tony reached out – with struggle since it was with his bad arm – and wiped an escaping tear off of Steve's cheek. "Please don't cry, Steve." He whispered as a few more tears fell out of Steve's eyes and down his cheeks.

"I'm sorry." He exclaimed as he shifted his body toward Tony's and lowered his head onto his good shoulder where more tears began to fall. Tony ignored his pain and wrapped his arms around Steve's body not knowing exactly what to do.

"Why the hell are you sorry? You didn't do a thing, Steve!" He questioned feeling like he was being shot in the heart when a soft sob escaped Steve.

"I'm sorry I'm reacting like this." He shrugged feeling Tony begin to run one of his hands through his hair soothingly.

"Don't be sorry. Be anything but sorry. If you want to cry, do it." He tightened his hold on Steve feeling him shake as silent sobs wracked his entire body.

"You could have died." He said between his less than obvious weeping. Tony lowered his lips down onto Steve's head feeling himself get teary eyed at the mention of that. "I thought you were dead, Tony. I thought you were dead." Tony shushed Steve softly, and pressed a tender kiss atop his head. He didn't have any response to that because he knew it was very true. And he couldn't just say, _but I'm not_, because he knew that would only upset Steve more. That was basically the equivalent of saying, _I didn't die this time, but next time I'm a goner. _

Steve wrapped his arms around Tony's waist and was sure not to apply to much pressure to him in case he hit any wounds. Tony frowned feeling Steve's whole body shaking, and the ring around his finger was cold against his skin making him feel even more awful. It is not as if the whole assault was either of their faults, but since it happened Tony felt awful about it. Especially after last night's promises he made to Steve. Tony knew he was just an accident waiting to happen at this point, and it was some unknown miracle that Steve was still with him after all they'd been through. Steve loved him no matter what, and that was one thing he would never understand.

"Damn it, Steve, quit treating me like you're going to break me." He said hearing his voice quiver. Steve was always so gentle with him when he needed to be, but right now he could probably squeeze Tony and crack a few of his ribs before Tony even started to remotely care. "I've been in worse pain before; I'm not a piece of china." Steve's arms tightened around him ever so slightly with each word he said and he felt Steve's shaking intensify.

The validity of the assault was coming to him and he understood what Steve was going through. It was the same feeling he had felt when he lost Pepper. The whole way to the hospital Steve probably thought Tony was dead and that the only thing awaiting him at the hospital would be a cooling corpse of his once lover. Tony knew all to well what it felt like to lose someone you love, and his heart went out to Steve knowing that that's exactly what he had felt. It was the worst pain Tony had ever experienced, and the fact that Steve had finally felt it was the worst realization he'd ever had.

It must have been worse for Steve since he didn't know whether Tony was alive or not. Tony _did _have to watch Pepper die in his arms, but at least he knew she was gone when she was. Steve on the other hand had a sadistic video sent to him of the love of his life being beaten and shot and stabbed only to have it cut off without confirming Tony's demise or miracle. The whole time Steve was running to the hospital he was probably expecting the worst. He was probably preparing himself for the moment he saw Tony in a body bag on the gurney ready to be taken to the morgue to be embalmed. And how he would make it through the funeral Tony had no idea. He knew Steve, being Steve, would suffer alone and cry himself to sleep every single night until the pain went away, but Tony knew if Steve were to die he could never live with it and this time no one would be there to save him. He'd finally succeed in his suicide attempt.

Chills ran down his spine and he loosened his hold around Steve which was probably suffocating the poor man. He leaned back a bit to look at Steve who was shamefully averting Tony's eyes. As if it were bad to cry in front of him when Tony had cried so many times before.

"Hey," He whispered tilting Steve's head back toward his so he could look at him. He wiped away the tears that were streaking down his cheeks and smiled lightly at him. "I'm here, aren't I? I'm never going to leave you." He placed his hand against Steve's cheek and felt another tear roll under it, but there was a faint smile on Steve's lips where he found himself moments later.

It wasn't a hungry or urgent kiss like the ones they had shared most of the time. This one held sentiment behind it that went deeper than just a simple _I love you _could. Both of them were slightly trembling as if they were virgins to the world of anything romantic, and there were very occasional tears rolling out of each of their eyes.

Steve reached up, pressing his hand to the burned side of Tony's face as gentle as possible. Tony reached up and placed his hand over Steve's urging him to actually acknowledge his presence. He may be hurt, but he wasn't completely broken just yet. Steve stroked his scaly skin and squeezed his eyes tightly shut realizing more tears were welling up in them. Tony felt Steve's lips quivering and took his face tenderly between his hands.

"Why are you still crying?" He whispered against Steve's lips feeling a tear escape his own eyes.

"For the same reason you are." He replied before capturing Tony's lips in his again and leaning over him a bit more. He worried a nurse would walk in and kick him out for antagonizing a patient. As if the arousal alone wouldn't be a bitch to deal with later for both of them. It's not like Steve could stay the night there, and he certainly couldn't do anything to help Tony with any form of arousal he had considering his condition.

Steve's hands slid down from Tony's good shoulder and cheek and down his bare torso causing Tony to shudder a bit to the touch. He froze when he reached the gauze by the abdomen and Tony felt him stiffen with sorrow as he lightly traced his fingers along the bloody gauze. Tony just shook his head ever so slightly and guided Steve's hand away from it never breaking the kiss.

Steve attached his hands to Tony's hipbones – those weren't damaged in the slightest – and pulled him closer up to him. Tony let out a slight stifled moan and with his good hand fiercely wrapped it around Steve's abdomen and slid his hand underneath the beltline of Steve's pants and past the elastic of his boxers feeling the soft, unharmed flesh there. His other hand attached to his bad arm was underneath Steve's shirt feeling every inch of his defined chest.

"Tony," Steve chuckled pulling back which earned a disapproving whine from Tony. "We're in a hospital, you're injured beyond belief, and you're probably loopy from the anesthetics still." He pointed out knowing it was valid enough reason to stop before they got to intimate and their chaste kiss turned into a hot and heavy NC-17 event in a hospital bed. Both of them knew it wouldn't though considering their roller coaster emotions right now. No, this had been a chaster kiss compared to the others they had shared in the past.

However, instead of protesting or calling Steve a tease, Tony nodded and agreed that they should stop while they were ahead and save the rest for when Tony could actually walk without a crutch. Or at least until Steve would let him since he hardly even took two steps earlier.

They both leaned back against the pillows on the bed and Tony rested his head on Steve's shoulder. Their hands were entwined and Tony gently stroked the top of Steve's hand and played with his fingers. Both of their eyes were swollen and red, and Steve's were still brimmed with tears, but there were smiles on their faces.

"I love you." Steve whispered placing a kiss against Tony's temple. He smiled up at the soldier who wrapped an arm around his waist – still careful not to hit the wounds but tightly enough to appease Tony – and took his hand again with his free one.

Steve's arms truly were the safest place in the world for Tony. When he was in them he felt as if all the outer world problems didn't exist and it was just him and Steve on this big planet all alone. As long as Steve was around nothing bad would ever happen to him. Maybe that's another reason he longed to marry Steve so much. Hopefully he was beginning to see Tony's point because the ring around his finger was giving Tony far too much excitement.

He shut his eyes and a smile spread across his face as he felt the anesthetics creeping in again to lull him back to sleep. Steve leaned his head down against Tony's and shut his eyes as well letting him know he wasn't leaving yet, so he could get some sleep.

Tony's heart swelled and he realized that even though Steve's love for him was completely illogical and there was no answer as to why Steve fell in love with him, they were each others soul mates. And if Steve thought he was perfect – and he knew he did – it didn't matter what anyone else thought of him. Because if Steve loved him, how bad could he really be?

_**Holy crap I updated this fast. Yeah, I just realized I needed more drama in this so you know me; ultimately I rely on beating the absolute **__**shit **__**out of someone. Apparently this time it was Tony. Woops. This chapter is dark…even for ME! I wonder if this was a feels roller coaster for any of you? It was for me while I wrote it, that's for sure. I sat here listening to sad music and urging myself to keep writing and not change it to another boring filler. This may be a little unexpected twist, but I felt like something drastic needed to happen. So here you go: another trip to the hospital for these two. **_

_**Pretty please REVIEW and let me know your thoughts on this chapter and story so far! As I always say, I love your input, advice, and comments. They make me smile and make my heart swell with happiness. It makes me feel like I'm not such a terrible writer after all. So thank you all so very much! **_

_**I am ecstatic at the amount of reviews, favorites, follows, and not to mention views this story has gotten so far. It over joys me to see it is bringing you all joy as well. I love you all so very much and thank you all so very much for the love in return! You guys are truly the best! **_

_**I will try to get the next chapter up after my final exams, so don't expect anything until after that. They're next week anyway so don't worry, I'm hoping the next update won't take long. But until then my lovely readers…**_

_**Happy Reading!**_


	18. The End

**The End…**

Hey you guys…Okay, I feel really bad doing this, but I have to quit on this story. It started off so solid and it flowed really well, but then somewhere in the middle I took a wrong turn and put in _way _to many plot twists and, well, to cut to the chase, it just got shot to shit. I had a lot of periods where I just was way too pressured with schoolwork and then I had writers block more times than I can count, and then the story began to suffer because of all that. I literally have no desire to continue writing this – I haven't even started a continuing chapter from the last one – and that makes me extremely sad because I know a lot of you enjoyed this – at least when it was on the right track – and I loved writing it, but now it just seems like a chore that does nothing but upset me. I kept updating with fillers and half ass chapters, so I'm just going to call it quits.

However, fear not, I will continue to write other stories and hopefully you all will read them and send the same love toward them as you have this. Don't worry, I'll plan those better! So don't lose hope in me yet you guys! I'm still writing everyday and trying to improve other stories – and my skills which could still use some work.

I love you all so much, and once again I'm _very, very, very _sorry that I am ending this story, but the positive feedback has seemed to stop, and so has the spark that fueled this story in the past. So this is the end for the story. But hey, we all have those stories that just never work out, right? So it's not the end of the world, because it happens to the best of us.

Thanks again for all the love toward this story, it makes me so happy and I smiled the whole time. You guys are the best, and I hope you all know that, because I love you guys!

Happy Reading!


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